To think I’ve not been invited to sisters wedding

[BettyBurntBuns]

Always had a tuff time with family. Sister sent me a random birthday card 18 months ago and I went to personally message her on What’s App to find I had been blocked.

Considering I had just changed my number and hadn’t messaged her in eight years (just family Whats App chats), I find it a bit odd.

Anyway her wedding is in a couple of months, no invite. I’ve asked my mum for clarity - she’s being cagey. Found out from SIL my sister was asking for email address... and I’m no longer part of the family Whats App group.

So.... I guess not.

But shall we stay on topic? So it’s not an invite if it’s June and no message if the wedding is in October?

Oh I thought non shallot was a typo🤣🤣

Sorry you're going through this OP, to answer your original question, yes wedding invites probably would have been sent out by now. Since your sis has blocked you I wouldn't hold my breath for an invitation sorry

Some said upthread "they are the shit, flush the shit away and have a happy life". Easier said than done but it's great advice.

Sounds like the card was a last attempt to reach out, I think she has moved on. Tbh it sounds like you don’t want a relationship with her just don’t want to be left out if everyone else is going.

I’m sorry. You do sound low. I wonder f you are the family scapegoat, if they see you as difficult?
If, rather than asking when is the wedding, or am I being left out again, you messaged your family, and told them that you feel left out and alone,, and don’t know how to make that better?
I really hope things improve for you.

I would take it from the responses of your mother and the lack of invite that it seems unlikely given what you've said. Especially given the distance already but you must have been thinking that anyway.

I also think if you're feeling low the AIBU? part of Mumsnet isn't the most caring place so hope none of the messages have made you feel worse.

@Frannibananni Last ditch? She blocked my phone number just before that... I also invited people to my house the next month (I had bought one and wanted a housewarming type thing before they where going to my SIL) didn’t even respond.

@MimiDaisy11 everyone posts here for traffic don’t they lol.

OP, why have you got nobody you can talk to in real life? What about your other siblings / friends / colleagues?

@JulietBravo999

OP, why have you got nobody you can talk to in real life? What about your other siblings / friends / colleagues?

Because I have issues forming relationships because I think no one likes me:,,, especially as my family cut of contact one by one. I’ve asked my mum, that’s all I can do.

[quote BettyBurntBuns]@museumsandgalleries666 if I’m the only one not invited, I’m the shit head. Obviously I won’t tell you about my childhood and my self harm, suicidal ideology, my inability to try to make friends etc...[/quote]
Probably the opposite actually. It's entirely likely they are shits and you're not. It must be hurtful though.

It sounds like a tough life for you Betty
Life without family and friends is hard and lonely.

It does sound as though you have been excluded from the wedding and other significant family events and it must hurt a lot. Your feels are very valid.

It does not however mean that you are a bad person or do not deserve happiness, please do not make that assumption.

The thing with life is that we get one shot. Now I don't know your family history or your medical/mental status but I do know that you don't have to sign away your life to misery because you have a difficult /fractured family situation and poor mental health. You can definitely enjoy your life.

You do however probably need a lot of professional help because clearly your self esteem is very low and because you don't get support from usual sources such as family and friends.

As a starting point could you speak with your GP and request a referral to counselling? And there are some vg self help resources such as Brene Brown books and podcasts.

I imagine you feel alone but your situation is not unique and there are many people who do understand the pain of loneliness. Sadly not many on AIBU though. You might find it more helpful to post in the relationships section.

@BettyBurntBuns Please go back to your GP. There are lots of medications they can try- if one hasn't worked as well as it should, they could try another.

They might consider you for therapy again.

You could also see if you could find some support groups of various kinds via Zoom and stuff online.

As to your family- If one of them genuinely only makes you feel worse about yourself and you don't have any pleasant interactions with them, I would cut ties with that one. Worth considering which ones to bother with. This will make you feel better as you'll be asserting your worth to yourself.

If you want to have a relationship with your sister, can you send her a letter? Tell her you would like a relationship with her, that you miss her, would like to put everything that's happened between you in the past and start afresh? If YOU want to build bridges and maintain contact and some form of relationship, is seems like YOU are the one who will have to do something about it. Are you willing to do that?

@TheTuesdayPringle

It sounds like a tough life for you Betty Life without family and friends is hard and lonely.

It does sound as though you have been excluded from the wedding and other significant family events and it must hurt a lot. Your feels are very valid.

It does not however mean that you are a bad person or do not deserve happiness, please do not make that assumption.

The thing with life is that we get one shot. Now I don't know your family history or your medical/mental status but I do know that you don't have to sign away your life to misery because you have a difficult /fractured family situation and poor mental health. You can definitely enjoy your life.

You do however probably need a lot of professional help because clearly your self esteem is very low and because you don't get support from usual sources such as family and friends.

As a starting point could you speak with your GP and request a referral to counselling? And there are some vg self help resources such as Brene Brown books and podcasts.

I imagine you feel alone but your situation is not unique and there are many people who do understand the pain of loneliness. Sadly not many on AIBU though. You might find it more helpful to post in the relationships section.

I’ve gone through every avenue to get NhS help and I’ve exhausted all resources.

[quote me4real]@BettyBurntBuns Please go back to your GP. There are lots of medications they can try- if one hasn't worked as well as it should, they could try another.

They might consider you for therapy again.

You could also see if you could find some support groups of various kinds via Zoom and stuff online.

As to your family- If one of them genuinely only makes you feel worse about yourself and you don't have any pleasant interactions with them, I would cut ties with that one. Worth considering which ones to bother with. This will make you feel better as you'll be asserting your worth to yourself.[/quote]
I’m in a medication now and have been for a long time. That won’t undue 36 years of emotional neglect.

I’ve been through the whole system, started psychotherapy briefly and then bought a house so I had to change areas. The psychotherapist didn’t deem the treatment necessary after 1.5 hours with her. I’ve gone back to to GP and Psychiatrist and they can’t over rule. After seeking help for serious issues when I was 15,19,24 and than pressing the nhs for 5 years, I’ve exhausted all avenues

@flyingant

If you want to have a relationship with your sister, can you send her a letter? Tell her you would like a relationship with her, that you miss her, would like to put everything that's happened between you in the past and start afresh? If YOU want to build bridges and maintain contact and some form of relationship, is seems like YOU are the one who will have to do something about it. Are you willing to do that?

I don’t care about building a relationship with her. I don’t miss her. I do however hate this whole family dynamic I have where I’m pushed out and no one gets involved.

Have you tried every medication possible? Of the dozens available? If not, then there's still more to try. New ones come out frequently.

It's also possible to make breakthroughs with your NHS treatment at different times- it's worth keeping nagging.

Do you get PIP? If so, you could consider spending that on therapy. I did for a couple of years and it was worth it. There are always different therapies to give a go.

I had EMDR therapy at times- that's really good for trauma. You can get it on the NHS too.

You're on a medication now but there may well be others you get better results from that you can try.

I have genuinely tried everything for my health and I did not stop. And at times I've seen some big improvements from my efforts and trying different things.

@me4real

Have you tried every medication possible? Of the dozens available? If not, then there's still more to try. New ones come out frequently.

It's also possible to make breakthroughs with your NHS treatment at different times- it's worth keeping nagging.

Do you get PIP? If so, you could consider spending that on therapy. I did for a couple of years and it was worth it. There are always different therapies to give a go.

I don’t need different medication as the one I’m taking is fine. No medication alters thoughts when they are linked to real events.

I’ve already paid for therapy which I shouldn’t have mentioned to the nhs as it’s been used as an excuse not to give treatment. I thought it was a commitment to wanting to change.

I don’t want to spend money on private treatment because they would pay more than pip would ever pay and I don’t think they are worth it. Plus I don’t get pip.

No point asking my GP again as they can’t do anything and he’s said that. Psychiatrist also said it’s out of their hands.

Your medication clearly is not fine, given what you are saying. There's still room for improvement, you've said so yourself.

I for one find defeatism infuriating.

Maybe that's how your family members feel.

@me4real do you have a psychiatrist degree? My medication is fine, I can vent on MNs and get it out of my system. Medication doesn’t raise self esteem. You also don’t know about my past history, so please don’t deem that it’s beneficial to change medication.

@me4real you sound like a know it all.... when in fact you know nothing.

Sorry, I shouldn'tve got annoyed. I hope you find a treatment that helps you. xx