To think I’ve not been invited to sisters wedding

[BettyBurntBuns]

Always had a tuff time with family. Sister sent me a random birthday card 18 months ago and I went to personally message her on What’s App to find I had been blocked.

Considering I had just changed my number and hadn’t messaged her in eight years (just family Whats App chats), I find it a bit odd.

Anyway her wedding is in a couple of months, no invite. I’ve asked my mum for clarity - she’s being cagey. Found out from SIL my sister was asking for email address... and I’m no longer part of the family Whats App group.

So.... I guess not.

Why couldn’t you text or call? Why does it always have to be WhatsApp?

@MoisterThanAnOyster

Why couldn’t you text or call? Why does it always have to be WhatsApp?

I message everyone on what’s app.... might be an age thing

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

I’m sorry to hear your family treat you so casually, Betty. I would send a wedding congratulations card and then forget about it.

Have you tried counselling for the things that are making you unhappy? It’s not a magic bullet, but good counselling, or something like cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), can help you break out of unhelpful ways of thinking, or give you useful ideas.

For making friends, I’ve found the best route is through joining s group or taking a class in something that interests me. That way I’m doing something I enjoy, or learning (for example) a new skill, which combats depression. And if I make friends, that’s a bonus.

Best of luck. Don’t let your family get you down xx

Been trying to seek treatment for 5 years and keep on getting knocked back.

@thinkingaboutLangCleg I have zero self worth to be honest. I think everyone hates me, and despite me wantinf to make friends, it makes me worse

Lols I thought nonchalant was none shallot! Omg lol

I’m sorry you are being treated this way OP. I would say personally, for whatever reason, it’s not you, it’s them. It must be hard when you don’t feel that you have done anything to warrant being cut out. Unless you can confront you sister to ask why, maybe you need to try and leave that part of your life behind and accept the situation for what it is.

You are not a shit and you absolutely deserve to be happy, but you won’t find that in these people.

I can’t give much advice on how to seek out friendship groups etc but maybe find ppl that you may have interests in common with? I have seen ppl on local Facebook groups before asking to make friends with other mums if they are new to the area, not that I’m saying you’re a parent. Just an idea maybe?

I really hope you find a way that works for you to see this situation for what it is. Because I think it says way more about your sister, than it does you. She is the one putting your mum in the middle by not explaining to you. Your sister in law shouldn’t have said anything to you either IMO.

To pull you up on your spelling is a bit much but in the nicest way possible it seems a little bit like you’re looking for a pity party rather than advice..you’ve clearly not been invited is what it is rightly or wrongly. However, it seems a bit irrelevant due to the fact you clearly need to get yourself in a better headspace because no one is “a piece of shit” have you spoke to your GP re how you’re feeling? I know you have said you’ve been trying to get help, but in what way?

Xx

Op how shit for you to be left out with no explanation from anyone in your family.

Are there any definite situations you can think of,arguments,conversations,family fall outs etc in the last 8 years that has caused her to go no contact with you?
And did you say she doesn't speak to your other siblings either?

I think if you don't have a relationship with her and you haven't spoken with her in years, then it makes sense you aren't invited to her wedding. My own mum didn't invite me to her wedding (and we were in regular contact at the time...we are now NC many years later for entirely different reasons). Sometimes family relationships don't work out. That's fine. You have to let them go.

@Claire347 there is no excuse for incorrect spelling because we all have spell check on our phones. I find it funny as I’ve recently discovered the word and love it. nonchalant - non shallot lol.

I’m not looking for a pity party, I wanted clarity.

@wtfisgoingonhere21

Op how shit for you to be left out with no explanation from anyone in your family.

Are there any definite situations you can think of,arguments,conversations,family fall outs etc in the last 8 years that has caused her to go no contact with you?
And did you say she doesn't speak to your other siblings either?

It’s not even about a explanation - I can’t even get an answer from my mum if a date has been made.... so I’m assuming it’s going ahead

@wtfisgoingonhere21 yes lots of things. It’s just annoying because I’m just feeling pushed out by everyone and no one sticks up for me. I go home for Christmas and my parents take of to my sisters for Xmas... shit like that. Just over it, I’m just feeling sad today

Op, please speak to someone if you're feeling low. Contact the Samaritans or someone you can trust. There's history that you can't convey here & it seems like a complex family. Maybe seek counselling to work out what's best. You are not a piece of shit.

@buckeejit I’ve tried for 5 years to get help from the nhs and I’ve reached the end - psychotherapist said I shouldn’t get treatment as if I wasn’t suitable for that particular treatment and they ended it, it would make me too upset. Shit like that, and I’m not making it up, is in my discharge letter.

@mindutopia I see her no less or no more than some of my other siblings (there are 10 of us). Doesn’t mean you don’t invite them to celebrate your wedding.

If they treat you badly then step away from them OP.

@Wolfiefan yes. I’m just feeling alone tonight.

Have you ever been offered DBT? It's amazing for people who have mental health problems and the context is their family.

@WindowsSmindows yes I’ve paid for it myself and think it’s very useful for a lot of people. I think that’s why I can’t get any further treatment.

Oh Betty, there is so much hurt, pain and distress coming through in your posts. AIBU is probably not the best place to get support - try the Relationship board.

I'm sure counselling would help you. A lot of therapists have sliding scales depending on clients' resources. You can find accredited therapists at the bacp website.

Also, there's a book that might help you address some of your low self-worth issues: The Six Pillars of Self Esteem.

@FlowerArranger I have complex needs so I need certain types of therapy and I can’t afford anything monthly.

I would rather just leave it to be honest. Sick of trying to better myself.

It sounds like a massively tough situation, OP. I'm not surprised you feel hurt - it seems very hurtful and your reaction is completely understandable.

Who can you talk to jn real life?

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo no one, literally.

Betty you don't need to better yourself, you are enough. Your family sound very difficult.

@Serin I’m not enough.... I’m a piece of shit.