To think I’ve not been invited to sisters wedding

[BettyBurntBuns]

Always had a tuff time with family. Sister sent me a random birthday card 18 months ago and I went to personally message her on What’s App to find I had been blocked.

Considering I had just changed my number and hadn’t messaged her in eight years (just family Whats App chats), I find it a bit odd.

Anyway her wedding is in a couple of months, no invite. I’ve asked my mum for clarity - she’s being cagey. Found out from SIL my sister was asking for email address... and I’m no longer part of the family Whats App group.

So.... I guess not.

@Viviennemary as I said I did, but she had already blocked me on what’s app despite me having only recently changed numbers

[quote BettyBurntBuns]@TestingTestingWonTooFree it’s my mum ignoring my request which is also hurtful. It’s not the first thing I’ve been cut out of.... Christmas as well. But hey ho, I’m obviously just a piece of shit.[/quote]
What makes you think you are the piece of shit? Maybe they are the shits? Assuming they are the shits why would you want to be in their lives? Flush the shits away and have a nice life.

@museumsandgalleries666 if I’m the only one not invited, I’m the shit head. Obviously I won’t tell you about my childhood and my self harm, suicidal ideology, my inability to try to make friends etc...

If you've not bothered about your sister in eight years, why do you expect to be included now?
Anyway, don't drag your poor mum into it - it's not her fault.

@katy1213 pls don’t jump to conclusions.

That's tough OP. If you're happy for her though, just send a card & gift & wish them well. Would you really feel comfortable going to a wedding of a sibling who you've no relationship? You can't manage what you get, only what you give.

You also shouldn't make contact just in the hope of getting a wedding invite. Think seriously if you want to try to put the effort needed for a sustained relationship, decide if it's worth it & tell her, by letter if you can't get in touch in phone. She may not want to. That's ok & it's all out of your hands anyway so you can move on knowing you've done all you can!

Fuck her, OP. Make a new family Whatsapp group without her, don’t let her win. Unless they’re all toxic then fuck them all.

It’s not that unusual for toxic dysfunctional families to have a scapegoat. Maybe it’s you. It might be better to start distancing yourself from them.

@buckeejit I’ve been blocked for two years, so no chance of me making contact

If you’ve not chatted in 8 years why would you be invited??
Not sure what suicide ideology has to do with her wedding.
But don’t put your mum in the middle.

@Cadent my family mostly don’t care if they don’t see me.... hence I’ve been blocked out of Christmas celebrations etc

I was briefly very confused about the dislike of small onions. Wonder how scallions are received

How did you find out she was getting married?

Ask your mum to add you back to the WhatsApp group and see what she says.

don’t put your mum in the middle
I don't get this logic at all. Her mum IS in the middle.

@BettyBurntBuns you are not entitled to an invite however shit that makes you feel. You can’t control who does / doesn’t like you, but if giving it headspace is upsetting you maybe you can control how much you think about it and how you let it affect you.

@Skiptheheartsandflowers she announced her engagement on the what’s app (this was before I un-joined and covid hit), mum told me the month and SIL told me about the request for email address.

@Monsterjam I’m just a piece of shit or else people wouldn’t treat me like this. I matter to no one.

Keep your dignity @BettyBurntBuns.

Don’t chase.

Try not feel hurt or emotionally dysregulated by this.

Have you other friends who are supportive and encouraging in your life?

Always surround yourself with uplifting people not people who tear you down and rip away your self esteem.

You really don’t need to be at this wedding or to be stressed about not being invited.

Can you plan something else wonderful for that time to treat yourself instead - something positive and fulfilling?

@BettyBurntBuns that’s a heck of a conclusion to jump to. I’m sure you are not and that if you wanted you would find plenty of reasons to believe you are not

Your family behaving badly is no reflection on YOU.
They are horrible people, it has nothing to do with you.

It sounds like the healthiest option would be to detach yourself from them completely and move on with your life. It sucks and it must hurt, but it's not on you.

Your best revenge is to be happy frankly. Who can you ask for help? If you do feel that low, please contact your GP.

They are horrible people, it has nothing to do with you.
You don't know if either half of that sentence is true.

I don’t have any friends which is why I know I’m the one in the wrong.

I’m really feeling low at the moment and don’t have anyone to turn to

OP - no one knows your history and no one is saying you should share it but you have to think critically.

You post you haven’t been in thought with sister for years, she’s no contact with you by choice. Your family generally seem to exclude you.

With no additional information the only conclusion is there is some rift that is hard to recover from and you can’t expect to be included. People rarely cut people out for no reason.

It may be entirely them but that wouldn’t be the obvious conclusion.

My aunt could have posted something like this before my wedding.

She wouldn’t have posted about the years of abuse she gave me, the nasty behaviour, her controlling nature etc which led to me cutting her out.

So if you don’t want to share don’t feel you should but without context no one can give any insight.

@Merryoldgoat I’m not here to give my life history.... I don’t need the judgemental MNs to make assumptions about my life. It’s a simple situation I wanted guidance on... to know that if someone is getting married in four months or something, they normally send out invites

Op of course you’re not a shit. Sometimes family members behave badly for no obvious reasons, they’re just not very nice people. Both my parents have gone no contact with me but that’s no reflection on me.

Why don’t you post in the relationships board about your disfunctional family and ask for advice on how to get over it.

I’m sorry to hear your family treat you so casually, Betty. I would send a wedding congratulations card and then forget about it.

Have you tried counselling for the things that are making you unhappy? It’s not a magic bullet, but good counselling, or something like cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), can help you break out of unhelpful ways of thinking, or give you useful ideas.

For making friends, I’ve found the best route is through joining s group or taking a class in something that interests me. That way I’m doing something I enjoy, or learning (for example) a new skill, which combats depression. And if I make friends, that’s a bonus.

Best of luck. Don’t let your family get you down xx