To think he is stingy

[whattheefffff]

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

Been with DP for around 18 months. We discussed him moving in as we live spending time together and miss each other when apart but after some thought he decided not to as financially it wouldn’t make sense for him. He lives with his parents currently and doesn’t have many outgoings. He currently buying a buy-to-let property and plans to continue staying at his parents rent-free. They don’t mind this and are moving abroad soon for 6 months so he will have the house to himself.

My thing is, he has practically moved in with me. He’s here every day other than the weekends he has his kids over and half of the school holidays half terms - his parents house is bigger and they like to see the kids. He doesn’t contribute towards any of my rent, bills or food shopping - although he does buy most of our takeaways (one dinner a week and lunch once or twice a week), and will get us drinks and snacks from the shop sometimes - we tend to take it on turns.

I feel a bit resentful that he is happy for me to pay for all the food shop as well as everything else and not feel like he should contribute. His side so that he could be at his parents not having to pay any rent or bills and he pays for most of the takeaways.

He is also insured to my car and he pays the extra bit to ensure he is covered. I just did the new policy and it’s the same amount with him or without. He doesn’t have to pay anything but I said he should at least contribute towards it so he said he will pay £10 a month towards it - I pay remaining £60. I think that’s stingy! And he could at least pay £20 considering it’s saving him money he would have spent on Uber.

I’ve genuinely found him quite stingy but don’t know if I have unrealistic expectations of a man. I don’t expect to have everything paid for but I do expect a man who is in a position to help to just be a bit more generous. He has the money and has an expensive hobby which costs around £500 a month and I think seeing how easily he can blow cash on this but not contribute towards shopping, bills, car insurance, is making me resentful. I feel like I’d rather he just stays at his parents house and then I won’t have any expectations of him.

Other than the finance stuff he is lovely but this issue around money seems to pop up again and again.

So, what do you think? AIBU?

He’s a stingy freeloader
Stinginess is so unattractive. My mother always told me and my dsis not to marry a man with long pockets short hands.

the sex is great tbf - however, I've just been put off recently because of this finance stuff!

Yes, that is your minge sealing itself shut as all right-thinking minges do when faced with a miser. Because deep down, a miser will always love money more than you. You will ALWAYS come second. Your body and your instincts can tell....

The REAL way to tell a miser, as opposed to a poor, clueless bloke who didn't realise'what he is costing, is this - does he keep 'accounts'? Does he have a running spreadsheet in his head with debits and credits? So if he buys something, he will expect you to pay for something else that is larger, to 'balance' it out and to leave him with the miser's Only Goal in Life, which is to come out Ahead.

He tops up the petrol if it needs topping up when he's driving it. Twice he went to drive and the petrol was on empty and he filled it up - he mentioned that he has topped up petrol today when I said he needs to contribute to car insurance.

Yep, he is 100% a full-blown miser.

He said you'd slow him down ? CF.
It would be interesting to hear his ex's side of the story.

Ime he is encouraging you to rely on his support with your ex and dc to make him appear indispensable...
So you will ignore his money grabbing flaws and be grateful for his help...
Bet you managed more than fine without him around.

Er - let me get this straight.

His tenant is paying his mortgage on the buy-to-let.
His parents are charging him nothing to live at home.
You are charging him nothing bar the odd takeaway to live at yours more often than not.
Ready-made babysitters for his dc.
Oodles of cash to spend on his hobbies.
No effort required on his part.

Got it made, hasn't he?

@Howshouldibehave

He sounds like a stingy man-child! I wouldn’t put him on your car insurance and I would be finding a better life partner!

He wants to play at having a house and car (by mummy, daddy and girlfriend paying for it all) but wants to spend his own pocket money on toys!

How old is he?!

1000% this.

He is playing you for a huge mug!

He said with his ex he used to pay for everything, the rent, childcare costs, he paid for her car deposit

Chinny reckon…

[quote whattheefffff]@mumsgirls weirdly he really isn't selfish in bed and has been super supportive with the issues I've been having with DS dad, he encourages and motivates me - his good qualities are great and his selfishness only comes out with his finances! [/quote]
Sorry but you've got to join the dots here.

He's lovely to you to maintain the status quo because you're a borderline sugar mummy. Stop lending him the car and feeding him and running round after him and his kids and see how giving he is in the bedroom then.

I think he is using you financially to make up for the loss he had financially. Tell him you'll see him one or two nights a week (and get a take away each one of those nights) and take him off your car insurance until he becomes 'financially secure' enough to have his own place where you can spend equal time there as he will at yours.

He's 31..

Not the point of the post at all but Im seriously wondering what type of car you drive to cost £840 a year insurance.

Im a new driver (so dont have the reduced rates of an experianced driver), driving a big van like car and looking to switch to another even bigger suv or mpv car and my insurance is only £550 and going down on several of the bigger cars Im looking at.

I wouldn't even fleece a friend like this, much less someone I was sleeping with. Nor would you. So why on Earth do you think you deserve this?

@YorkshireLass2012

I have never posted this before but LTB now and save yourself years of resentment and anger. He hadn’t had any outgoings and yet is happy freeload off a single mum. Wow. Just wow. Money is a significant topic in a relationship.

Well u know him better than me, it was just my experience that men who are selfish in money are selfish in all ways, but perhaps he is the exception? Would be interested to hear what others have found. If he loves you, why would he want to take advantage and see you come off worse. Personally now I could not be turned on by a mean man .Can others?

Yes he is being really tight.

OP, you sound so nice but honey ffs, if you were a friend of mine I would ask you why you were being an idiot.

He is BEYOND mean.

Using a single mother to pay for him.

He hasn't a notion of settling with you.

He is using you, of course he is nice, you are one of a number of people keeping him.

I mean this kindly but wake up, you, your home and car are being used as a stepping stone for an ambitious MEAN man.

Know your worth.

Cocklodger alert!

Bin him well and truly off OP, he is taking you for a mug.

Beyoncé says it better than me.

Do your friends like him? Honestly?

Haffiana and mustard rose put it better than I could.
You will live to regret it this. When you dump him and find a man who insists on paying his way and tries to pay even more you will know. You will then be wanting to pay more as he will be cheating himself, that is what love is.
All things being equal he should be happy to pay his share and not make a financial profit on who he is supposed to love. U will learn. Do not have a baby with him or u will support it for 18 years at least.

I wonder if the idea of him moving in was his idea, as his expenses are going to go up because no parents in their right mind are going to pay for the bills in a house they are not living in

The money you're spending on subsidising his luxury hobby and lifestyle is money that could be better spent on your DS.

When he does move in (after promising to pay half, which he won't) you can bet you'll be funding his children as well. You need to prioritise yourself and your own child here.

@redtartanshoes my friends do really like him - but don't like his stinginess at all. They have advised to talk through with him and make my expectations clear - which I have attempted to do a few times. This is so hard because we get on so well, he is loving in every way such as compliments, foot rubs, oral voluntarily.....but the finance situation/his stinginess outweighs it all!

And yeah I'm not surprised you don't want to sleep with a man who cheats you and your child out of money.

Then say that to him. "You are lovely in every other way but your stinginess will kill our relationship. Change or leave."

Tight Arse, every little penny saving is calculated thoroughly - horrible trait in a person
You know it really
Sorry he is taking the piss but thinks he’s special enough that you will put up with it
It will get worse