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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be desperate for 2 nights without my kids

146 replies

hcoe21 · 11/06/2021 15:27

I have a 6yo and 3yo and love spending time with them. However, I turned 40 this year...and all through the working FT and Homeschooling era thought to myself "I would love to get 2 nights away with OH when this is all over!". I was going to splash out on a bit of an extravagant hotel stay.

However, my mum is saying she won't have the kids 2 nights now. She said she's getting older and she thinks they will be a handful (which is understandable). I am really disappointed not to be able to get away. Yes I know its a privalidge, what I signed up for etc etc...when I had kids. But I would really love just a weekend of time JUST with my husband.

AIBU in general to want this? And more importantly - Any advice on if there is a way around this that anyone may have found when they don't have a parent who is able to have the children over night.

I am thinking who else could I ask. But I am not sure what is the done thing.

Ps. The reason I am looking at 2 nights is because a lot of places have 2 night minimum. Also, as I am splashing out, 1 night you just get afternoon - morning, and I wanted to make a day of it too.

OP posts:
Dozer · 13/06/2021 10:27

Similar situation here. We used/use paid childcare for evenings out together as a couple, and go away separately, to visit or do something with friends.

awaketoosoon · 13/06/2021 10:34

You are NBU, my mum & mil are really good are taking dc.

Turkishangora · 13/06/2021 10:42

YANBU we were very fortunate that my parents would do 2 nights with our kids at this age (same age gap as yours) however what is awkward is they won't do x 2 nights for my sister with my niece. This is due to them being 10 years older now.

I think go for 1 night and make the most of it. Hotels will do one night.

Turkishangora · 13/06/2021 10:47

@MachiaNelly

I've found that while some children are a joy to have and I'd happily take care of them for a week, others are a proper handful and badly behaved and I'd struggle with even one overnight.
This is the situation with our niece unfortunately. To put it bluntly she's wild. Even with my sister there its exhausting having them round the house as there are no limits and boundaries set and she's completely overstimulated and she cannot cope without constant, intense 1:1 attention. She's been brought up being played with and interacted with constantly which I just can't replicate!
Original poster
hcoe21 · 14/06/2021 17:23

Thanks for all your messages!

I think after her being so anti-it, it would probably suck the fun out of the weekend if I convinced her.

I will ask a very good friend maybe (although slightly worried as someone said if they were asked they would distance themselves).

We do have my husbands brother & family in Bristol, which might work - but again, I would probably worry.

If I was to get a nanny for the weekend - where would I look??? I have no idea how to organise such a thing?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 14/06/2021 17:39

Depending on your area you can use an agency, which obv costs but they will do the checks

Or

You look on childcare.co.Uk or nanny jib

Or if on fb, ask on your local village group

rookiemere · 14/06/2021 17:44

An overnight nanny will be a pricey business.Plus if you're leaving them with the nanny for the whole weekend, you'd want them to have spent some time with the DCs beforehand.

Your DB might be a better option, plus it would be nice for DCs to build up relationship with their extended family.

LuckyAmy1986 · 14/06/2021 17:46

Would your mum have them for one night? Then a friend could do the other (if you have a good friend who you think might) offer them a night off in return!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 14/06/2021 17:47

How old is your mum? Presumably 60s if you're 40s? Although not necessarily! Surely at 3 and 6 they won't be that much trouble? I have my friend's DD (5) for overnight stays regularly and I love it.

We were lucky that my in laws looked after ours a lot when they were small. We also had a baby group that had each other's kids overnight/weekends now and then.

Original poster
hcoe21 · 14/06/2021 19:35

My mum is in her 70's but she's very fit & with it :)

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 14/06/2021 20:00

I will ask a very good friend maybe (although slightly worried as someone said if they were asked they would distance themselves)

Depends on the friend and relationship you have with them. If you’ve helped them in the past with childcare they may oblige.

I’d help in an emergency but I don’t think I’d do two nights three days childcare so the parents could have a holiday with those ages.

rookiemere · 14/06/2021 20:02

Yes two nights is a lot to ask. I was absolutely mortified when I discovered when DH was organising the childcare for one night when DS was about 10, he had expected them to have DS from Saturday morning until Sunday late afternoon and had to intervene to more reasonable timings ( Sat afternoon to late Sun morning).

SuperCaliFragalistic · 14/06/2021 20:18

I have my niece and nephew (4 and 7) for 2 nights so my SIL has a break but she is a lone single parent (my DB died) and genuinely needs an deserves a rest. I wouldn't be jumping at the chance (I'm single with 2 of my own primary aged kids) if she just wanted a night in a hotel with her husband. I think you shouldn't put this in your mum to facilitate your down time, they're your kids.

crosstalk · 14/06/2021 21:04

Can't you organise a weekend near Bristol and speak to your DHBro and partner and explain how important it is? you could be a quarter of an hour way.

LemonDrizzles · 14/06/2021 21:30

Sounds like you are willing to splash out? Why not offer your parents that you will hire some babysitters as well, at least for the three hours around bedtime. When my DH had a commitment for a length of time and I had DC1 and DC2 all by myself, I contemplated hiring a babysitter for extra support. No shame really, sometimes you just want an extra pair of hands at certain times of day.

Hope it works out.

All the best

Dishwashersaurous · 14/06/2021 22:36

Maybe ask your mum for one night. Then if its ok and not a disaster she might have willing to do two next time

Embracelife · 14/06/2021 22:43

Start laying a nanny or babysitter for regular day time and evenings then build up to weekend away

Embracelife · 14/06/2021 22:44

Paying the nanny

shouldistop · 14/06/2021 22:51

I will ask a very good friend maybe (although slightly worried as someone said if they were asked they would distance themselves).

I wouldn't do this for a friend. An emergency or for work then yes I'd babysit but not for a weekend away. I consider myself a good friend and actually a bit of a pushover but this is a big ask. Think about it, you're so desperate for 2 nights away because kids are hard work. They're even harder work when they're not your own.

Ellpellwood · 14/06/2021 23:09

YANBU to want to go but our DS is nearly 3 and I think a night, day and another night away would stress him out. He did his first sleepover at MiL and FiL's this weekend which went well but he was so relieved to see us in the morning! I'd be worried about a toddler I was looking after getting a bit agitated after 48 hours.

CosmicKay11 · 08/03/2025 00:51

Just found this post, did you ever end up going away?

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