Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be desperate for 2 nights without my kids

146 replies

hcoe21 · 11/06/2021 15:27

I have a 6yo and 3yo and love spending time with them. However, I turned 40 this year...and all through the working FT and Homeschooling era thought to myself "I would love to get 2 nights away with OH when this is all over!". I was going to splash out on a bit of an extravagant hotel stay.

However, my mum is saying she won't have the kids 2 nights now. She said she's getting older and she thinks they will be a handful (which is understandable). I am really disappointed not to be able to get away. Yes I know its a privalidge, what I signed up for etc etc...when I had kids. But I would really love just a weekend of time JUST with my husband.

AIBU in general to want this? And more importantly - Any advice on if there is a way around this that anyone may have found when they don't have a parent who is able to have the children over night.

I am thinking who else could I ask. But I am not sure what is the done thing.

Ps. The reason I am looking at 2 nights is because a lot of places have 2 night minimum. Also, as I am splashing out, 1 night you just get afternoon - morning, and I wanted to make a day of it too.

OP posts:
MsJinks · 12/06/2021 10:10

I’m fifties, no real health problems and having two g/c age just 3 and 8 did tire me out so much I definitely needed the annual leave the day after that I’d efficiently booked lol - the 3 year old really getting up in the night and very early both days and plus I’m not used to having to constantly watch little ones so it takes more doing intermittently. So if I were older, had health issues etc I can see it’s difficult and not unreasonable not to do so. I enjoyed it but couldn’t do it often as I work full time, and now have parent care - last time I had the older one I had to take him on the care run as well. I think to be honest if it were too often it might lower the joy we all get from really hands on fun time together as well. But generally grandparents who have gc regularly overnight - hats off to your energy and fitting it in.
I do feel your pain though OP as child rearing seems relentless- I had 4, two bad failed marriages, and my parents didn’t have any of them at all ever - but every 2 years the little ones 3 days away 3x a year was the same as the eldest day away per month and it was bloody amazing - loved the night off and one time it was two! I would definitely recommend taking separate short breaks if you can’t together - even on your own as that’s amazing too and sooner or later you will get some break together with the kids staying at friends perhaps, or your friends offering when they’re a bit older, and it comes round fast when you look back.
You’re definitely not being unreasonable to want a break together but it’s finding some solution. Hope you do.

FlyNow · 12/06/2021 11:27

Yanbu as this would be great, but yabu to be almost forgetting what you have been offered - one night! That is a great offer. One night in the hand is worth two in the bush, right?

VodkaSlimline · 12/06/2021 12:10

YANBU but if your oldest child is SIX and you've only ever left them with your mum this situation is of your own making. Sort out some paid babysitters and use them regularly so that you have people who you can book and pay for overnight care in future.

I would also suggest asking your mum for honest feedback on the children's behaviour and thinking about whether you and DH could/should be taking a firmer approach. In my experience, people who struggle to get babysitters tend to have badly behaved DCs - especially if even close family are saying no!

misssunshine4040 · 12/06/2021 14:42

@VodkaSlimline

YANBU but if your oldest child is SIX and you've only ever left them with your mum this situation is of your own making. Sort out some paid babysitters and use them regularly so that you have people who you can book and pay for overnight care in future.

I would also suggest asking your mum for honest feedback on the children's behaviour and thinking about whether you and DH could/should be taking a firmer approach. In my experience, people who struggle to get babysitters tend to have badly behaved DCs - especially if even close family are saying no!

Paid babysitters are too expensive for most people to use regularly though on top of daily childcare for work etc. I think it's really poor of GPs that rarely bother to step in and help out now and then. It takes a village after all and family should support each other. Obviously not piss taking but I will never understand gps who just don't bother who are capable
missrleanorr · 12/06/2021 14:48

I've just had two nights and I was depressed the whole time! Glad they are coming back today 🤣

Hankunamatata · 12/06/2021 15:23

Perhaps in another couple of years when they are 5 and 8 - less dependent on adults.

EmeraldShamrock · 12/06/2021 15:26

It sounds like bliss.
Unfortunately not many people want to mind DC for two nights.
We wouldn't have anyone who'd do it for us either.

MachiaNelly · 12/06/2021 15:37

I've found that while some children are a joy to have and I'd happily take care of them for a week, others are a proper handful and badly behaved and I'd struggle with even one overnight.

nicknamehelp · 12/06/2021 15:42

Would your mum be happier with midweek. Mine was as kids at school and tired at end of day so was easier as she had the day to relax. She also came to ours and I left meals which just needed reheating.

buzzandwoodyallday · 12/06/2021 17:20

My advice is to send the DC to 2 different people for the weekend, so 1 to your Mum if she can manage that, and another to a friend's house, and you'll repay the favour at a later date.

Holly60 · 12/06/2021 19:34

Are his parents definitely not able or willing to have them? You could look for a hotel near them? Bit of a long trip but if it means you get your hotel stay??

jumpbounce · 12/06/2021 19:44

YANBU to want time away and a break but YABU to expect your mum or anyone else to just take your kids for 2 nights. They are your children and no one else has to take them so you can have a break.

I agree with another poster, it would be best if you maybe just went with a friend and had DH look after the kids. I plan to do the same hopefully this year or next after 10 years without a single night away from the kids (unless you count hospital stays and that usually is in hospital with one of the DC)

cptartapp · 12/06/2021 20:01

My DM never had our DC overnight in 13 years. She'd babysit when asked but never have a sleepover. So many times we had to leave a party early so we could get home for her to go home whilst all our friends stayed out.
PIL had them three times but only so we could work so no big night out. Never ever a weekend away.
It was what it was, but I continue to be amazed that GP are desperate for GC alone from babyhood. The whole concept is alien to us.

Coldwine75 · 12/06/2021 20:26

Can you do 1 night for now?

Allthingspeaches · 12/06/2021 20:26

We had one night away recently and although we would have loved two nights, one night away from our toddler was incredible.

Wheresmybiscuit3 · 13/06/2021 02:42

Because considering how crap the last year has been (in my opinion) it is sad that she can’t have them as a one off for two nights.

Wheresmybiscuit3 · 13/06/2021 02:55

OP I would see what your mum thinks of having them for two nights if you hire a nanny to wear them out in the day a bit. Maybe she would feel more able with some help? Maybe not. Worth asking though.

Failing that go for one night. Or go on your own. I would love to go to a spa for two nights alone. In fact I was telling my DH that earlier. It would be a novelty only having to worry about myself! No kids, no DH, no elderly parents... just me and a book! Or two... and definitely a massage if they are still doing them.

forinborin · 13/06/2021 07:13

I think maybe leaving them for a few days with a nanny who they see for the first time is not the best idea. Had it been an emergency and there was no other choice - of course, but just for a sake of a weekend away it feels a bit unfair on them.

WettyHainthrop · 13/06/2021 07:28

How old is your mum, @hcoe21?

Heronwatcher · 13/06/2021 08:18

YANBU to want it, but YABU to think that your mum or anyone else has to facilitate it. IMO these arrangements where grandparents have kids for days on end and both parties are happy are few and far between. Kids that age are knackering and after a few hours most grandparents have had enough. I look after my nieces with my own kids, all good kids, but I would find it difficult for 2 overnights with no parents involved and I am not sure the experience is much fun for anyone. I get your logo on 2 nights but I think one night might be a bit more realistic or could you and your partner both take it in turns to have a “me” weekend, either alone or with friends?

rookiemere · 13/06/2021 08:21

I think you have to make do with what you can get. If your DM is prepared to do one night then that's what you do, it will still be a lovely break away. If you ring up some of the hotels they may be prepared to do one night, or you stay in a different hotel that will do it.
Don't spoil the idea entirely by trying to make it perfect.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/06/2021 08:25

You can want, doesn'teanbyou will get.
My eldest is 13 and I haven't been away for more than 1 night alone since he was 2. My mum is perfectly capable if looking after the kids. She literally looks after other people children for a living, I just wouldn't ask her to do anymore than one night, and even then we come home early the next day.

Nordicwannabe · 13/06/2021 09:03

Why wouldn't you ask her, Iminaglasscaseofemotion? She might well be happy to.

I'm only realising now - too late since my DM has advanced Alzheimers - that I could have pushed more for closeness, for this kind of mutual help, and it would have strengthened our relationship. We tend to expect our parents to forge the connection, even into adulthood. But sometimes parents have their own demons and even if they really love their DC and would like to have stronger bonds they don't know how. But if you initiate it, they might welcome it.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/06/2021 09:21

She looks after children all week (as do I, we have the same job) and I know how I feel about being asked to babysit at the weekend after working all week.

MilduraS · 13/06/2021 10:10

Do you have any siblings between you? Pre-Covid I used to fly to Ireland for a long weekend every year so my sister and BIL could have a weekend away while I looked after her 2 DC. She thought it was a big ask the first time but I really didn't mind and offered to do it again every year. I don't see them often so it's nice to spend some time together and it was about £60-£80 all in depending on flights. If you have any siblings they might be willing to do the same even if they're a bit of a drive away.