To be desperate for 2 nights without my kids

[hcoe21]

I have a 6yo and 3yo and love spending time with them. However, I turned 40 this year...and all through the working FT and Homeschooling era thought to myself "I would love to get 2 nights away with OH when this is all over!". I was going to splash out on a bit of an extravagant hotel stay.

However, my mum is saying she won't have the kids 2 nights now. She said she's getting older and she thinks they will be a handful (which is understandable). I am really disappointed not to be able to get away. Yes I know its a privalidge, what I signed up for etc etc...when I had kids. But I would really love just a weekend of time JUST with my husband.

AIBU in general to want this? And more importantly - Any advice on if there is a way around this that anyone may have found when they don't have a parent who is able to have the children over night.

I am thinking who else could I ask. But I am not sure what is the done thing.

Ps. The reason I am looking at 2 nights is because a lot of places have 2 night minimum. Also, as I am splashing out, 1 night you just get afternoon - morning, and I wanted to make a day of it too.

YABVU

it should be at least a week

YADNBU! Alone time as a couple as vitally important imo, I was lucky enough when my kids were younger to have a lot of family I could ask, it must be hard when you don't have that option. What you could do is book a not as fancy hotel and save some money to pay for a child minder, depending on how your kids would be with having someone unfamiliar look after them of course

Do you and DH have no other parents that your mum?

but yeah I think nanny would be your only option

do you live in Surrey?
I'll look after them.
I have 7 kids, won't notice another two.
not even joking.

when is the event?

Alas to go away with your partner you will have to pay for childcare, which overnight is incredibly expensive and difficult to arrange.

Although on mumsnet grandparents seem to fall over themselves to have kids overnight in reality I know very few people who have that option.

It sucks but it’s life

We are getting away on our own (first time ever) dc are staying with parents for one night. From about 4pm until the next lunchtime. For my 40th we took them with us but booked a babysitter who came to the hotel room for a few hours.

You're not unreasonable to want a break. For some of us it's just not possible unless you employ a nanny. We had no family willing or able to have ours.

As a Granny I am always bemused to read about grandparents not willing to do childcare . Over the years , DGS has stayed with us hundreds of times including weekends or even a week and I have wonderful memories . Hopefully DGD will stay when DD stops bf .
Sorry , no help but it puzzles me . My friends are the same as me so I am not alone !

I'm assuming you don't have siblings nearby who could take them, or a close friend (perhaps on a reciprocal agreement)? A couple of times I looked after my niece and nephew at similar ages for the weekend for my brother and SIL.

@Dishwashersaurous

Alas to go away with your partner you will have to pay for childcare, which overnight is incredibly expensive and difficult to arrange.

Although on mumsnet grandparents seem to fall over themselves to have kids overnight in reality I know very few people who have that option.

It sucks but it’s life

Oh come on it isn't only on Mumsnet that GPs babysit there GC, I mean it's not that weird a concept surely?

A nanny would do the hours and days you wanted. It might be better if the nanny knows your children already. For example do any of your children’s friends have a nanny who would do this as an ad hoc job. Or ask nanny to meet the children for a morning /afternoon first or join you to see bedtime routine. Not the cheapest option but if you use an experienced nanny you will have the benefit of knowing your children are well cared for and they will also have fun . A good nanny would bring games , crafts , plan specific child led activities to ensure your children also had a special time .
A word of caution don’t be tempted to use a teenager or inexperienced person for this role. They will not be aware of the safeguarding , home safety or be able to cope with the children emotional needs. Most children want their parents to do bedtime so it needs careful handling.

It’s not the same thing but something that has worked for me is DH and I taking a days annual leave midweek when the kids are at school. One of us gets them up and ready for school while the other gets a lie in, have the day go ourselves and leave the kids in aftercare so we’re free from 8.30-6.00 - time to relax, have a long lunch etc and lick them up at the end of the day with an easy dinner.

It’s not the same as getting away for a couple of nights, but does help recharge our batteries and give space to reconnect.

YANBU. It's been a decade since we had a night on our own so I hear you!

You might be able to split them up with family friends? I think you need to stay local just in case it didn't work.

I know that it’s not only on mumsnet but amongst almost everyone I know doesn’t have grandparents doing overnights.

YANBU but neither is your mum in saying no.
My parents have never had the kids overnight either, so we’ve never been away on our own - do it seems like an unimaginable luxury to me, they’re almost old enough to leave with oldest DC in charge now.

And op I hear you. I’m desperate for a night away with my husband.

Maybe we should swop!

@Jellycatspyjamas suggestion is a good stop-gap

To be honest, I think it’s tight your mum won’t babysit, did her parents babysit you? My mum is the same though and I used to stay with her parents for a week!

Apart from the last year my granddaughter has stayed with me at least 1 night a week since she was tiny. I have her for my daughter to work and also so that she gets time to herself.
My parents helped out when my children were small too. My mum would have both my children and my sister's for the weekend. Although there were plenty of time when I couldn't get a babysitter. My daughter has never had that problem

If you book the stay from Thursday to Saturday, could that work?
You would need annual leave from Thursday afternoon and all day Friday.
But this might take the pressure off your mum. She would only need to do the school run on Thurs pm, then Fri am/pm.
You collect the kids from hers early-ish on Saturday morning.

@Boomshakalack

To be honest, I think it’s tight your mum won’t babysit, did her parents babysit you? My mum is the same though and I used to stay with her parents for a week!

@Boomshakalack

tight??? wtaf?
GM says she's getting older and can't cope as well anymore.
how is that tight?

Homemadearmy gives a great example of what lots of people seem to have on mumsnet but doesn’t reflect the reality that I see. I wish that it did

Having 2 children for the weekend isnt really just "babysitting" though is it @Boomshakalack, it's childcare. Babysitting is about watching Netflix and eating biscuits whilst the children sleep.

To be honest, I think it’s tight your mum won’t babysit

It’s not tight! She doesn’t want to and thinks they’re a handful and she’s too old! Perfectly fair enough.

To be honest, I think it’s tight your mum won’t babysit, did her parents babysit you? My mum is the same though and I used to stay with her parents for a week!

Seriously? It's tight? I wouldn't dream of asking my mum or MIL to have kids that age for 2 days and nights. 1 night is plenty.