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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be desperate for 2 nights without my kids

146 replies

hcoe21 · 11/06/2021 15:27

I have a 6yo and 3yo and love spending time with them. However, I turned 40 this year...and all through the working FT and Homeschooling era thought to myself "I would love to get 2 nights away with OH when this is all over!". I was going to splash out on a bit of an extravagant hotel stay.

However, my mum is saying she won't have the kids 2 nights now. She said she's getting older and she thinks they will be a handful (which is understandable). I am really disappointed not to be able to get away. Yes I know its a privalidge, what I signed up for etc etc...when I had kids. But I would really love just a weekend of time JUST with my husband.

AIBU in general to want this? And more importantly - Any advice on if there is a way around this that anyone may have found when they don't have a parent who is able to have the children over night.

I am thinking who else could I ask. But I am not sure what is the done thing.

Ps. The reason I am looking at 2 nights is because a lot of places have 2 night minimum. Also, as I am splashing out, 1 night you just get afternoon - morning, and I wanted to make a day of it too.

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 11/06/2021 16:24

OP your DC go to daycare/wraparound care? Could you arrange it so that your two nights away are midweek, leave Dc at school/daycare like normal, then a nanny/babysitter collect them from daycare and stay with them overnight at your house then drop them off the next day and repeat then you and DH would be home to collect them on the third day?

cupoftea2021 · 11/06/2021 16:29

Every parent is entitled to time out and special time away.
Ask a friend of family member, have the children separated if it is more manageable for others.
Take them and have care at the place which becomes a family break away but arranging time to yourselves to do your own activities and or going out for a evening meal.

I choose to take mine on a weekend away because although it defeats the purpose I really needed a weekend away and it was really fun. Would do it again absolutely.

Pewpew · 11/06/2021 16:29

How old are you Dcs?

Pewpew · 11/06/2021 16:32

Would your mum have them for 1 night and you compromise or can DCs go to day camp and DM just has them overnight?

SmokedDuck · 11/06/2021 16:33

This sort of situation is increasingly common with older grandparents (or working, if they are still fit), fewer aunts and uncles, and extended families spread out. Many people also aren't really all that settled in their neighbourhoods either where they develop strong relationships that take the place of family ties.

I think OP you are close to a time where they will be some other options, like summer camp. Until then, my dh and I took breaks separately when the kids were small. It worked out ok, there was a real sense of having a time to coolect thoughts and not be "on" .

Pewpew · 11/06/2021 16:33

@shouldistop

To be honest, I think it’s tight your mum won’t babysit, did her parents babysit you? My mum is the same though and I used to stay with her parents for a week!

Seriously? It's tight? I wouldn't dream of asking my mum or MIL to have kids that age for 2 days and nights. 1 night is plenty.

It does seem a bit mean if DM but hard to tell without knowing her age, health, dcs ages etc
Howshouldibehave · 11/06/2021 16:35

Would she have them for an evening?

Cocomarine · 11/06/2021 16:36

@Pewpew

How old are you Dcs?
Literally the first 6 words of the OP, the leading statement 🤣
hangryeyes · 11/06/2021 16:36

I tried the mid week break and it didn’t work that well as my DM got into a flaff doing the school run and getting them up and out in the morning.

OP, as your in laws live further away could they stay with them and you have a weekend away nearer there? They may be more inclined seeing as they presumably don’t see them so often, as long as your kids are familiar enough to settle with them.

SmokedDuck · 11/06/2021 16:36

@shouldistop

To be honest, I think it’s tight your mum won’t babysit, did her parents babysit you? My mum is the same though and I used to stay with her parents for a week!

Seriously? It's tight? I wouldn't dream of asking my mum or MIL to have kids that age for 2 days and nights. 1 night is plenty.

It's true though that this used to be common. I think many grandparents were relatively younger, though. And the grandmothers often didn't work, or work FT at any rate.

People would also send kids off to stay with aunts or family friends for longer, now you get 12 year olds who have never really been away from home much.

SlipperTripper · 11/06/2021 16:38

Take DM and kids with you on lovely trip, stick them all in one room ('hotel cocked up, BUGGER. Oh well, byeeee!') and then hide in your room and wait for the 'my DD is a CF' thread to appear.

(I'm joking, obviously... 😏)

We have the same issue, it's really frustrating.

lockdownwithwhoresdrawers · 11/06/2021 16:41

Nanny for overnight. I pay £150 for her to do 5/5:30pm pick ups from nursery/holiday club through to 8am the next morning for drop offs.

mamamalt · 11/06/2021 16:42

God. I feel this so much. I haven't had more than a few hours (hospital visit as I'm pregnant and had problems) away from my 18mo... today I woke up feeling like I just couldn't do it.
Parents near by but no help so no choice but to carry on!
It's nice to see such a supportive thre ad here and know you're not alone though.
Just out of interest how many people here actually use a nanny or similar when they go away? Just wondering if there was a place to look for them etc.

CovidCanFuckOff · 11/06/2021 16:44

Would she take the youngest for 2 nights? 6yo could go to a friends for a sleepover? Then you could return the favour and have friend over at some point? Or your mum has both for 1 night, then drops 6yo to friends for a night. If you've got anyone he's friends with that you trust. Or a friend of your own who doesn't have kids? For one night?

BettysGotMoxie · 11/06/2021 16:46

I literally just booked this for my own 40th in august, 2 nights away but all by myself with a spa day at the hotel in between the two. OH asked what I wanted for my 40th and this was my response so he’s paying for it for my present too, bonus! I can’t wait, it’s the stuff (my) dreams are made of! Would you feel comfortable doing it by yourself? If it goes well I may have to make it an annual birthday tradition although I suppose I’ll let OH come along when we no longer have little kids to be looked after Grin

CovidCanFuckOff · 11/06/2021 16:47

Our parents will do overnights but grudgingly. And we've not asked for 2 nights yet... It's hard when you see grandparents who actually want to look after their grandkids. If my child has kids I will definitely be offering to take them so that the parents can have a break!!

pinkmagnolias · 11/06/2021 16:49

I’ve never had family take my kid’s overnight. Unfortunately you will have to pay hundreds to have your kids minded for two nights. If you have the money do it!!
I had to do it when I was in hospital having my youngest. I can’t afford to do it but if I had the money I would!!!!

Zari29 · 11/06/2021 16:54

Yanbu but that ages are really hard. Especially the 3yo. I don't blame your mum. It's 2 nights and days so that's a whole while to keep two young kids busy. I wouldn't even ask my dm to do this as I know how much hard work this is.

butitsatalkingdog · 11/06/2021 16:54

YANBU. I also have a 6yo and 3yo and have literally never spent a night away from them. We've never actually had more than a couple of hours away from them. It's very hard! Can your mum have them for 1 night and someone else the second night?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 11/06/2021 17:00

It’s absolutely fine for your mum to say no. It’s a huge ask just so you can go away without them. Child free trips are usually taken per children as after them parents have responsibilities.

stealthbanana · 11/06/2021 17:12

Would your mum take care of them overnight but you book babysitters during the day so she’s not on duty for 48hrs straight? (Assuming they both sleep reasonably well.) or even better go away fri/sat nights so your mum only has them after school Friday then you hire a babysitter Saturday. Avoids the extortionate overnight nanny rates.

Cornettoninja · 11/06/2021 17:14

I know a mix of people with varying levels of support; some who will barely see their dc during the six week summer holidays because GP step in, one whose mum will only have one dc at a time and the rest who have little to no support. We fall into the last category!

I’ve took the option of making friends with people in a similar position who are happy to swop favours with sleep overs/days out. I don’t think that goodwill would stretch to two days though and I think that’s possibly too long for young children to spend without a family member (and the whole unconditional love thing when they’re being pains).

Cornettoninja · 11/06/2021 17:16

@stealthbanana

Would your mum take care of them overnight but you book babysitters during the day so she’s not on duty for 48hrs straight? (Assuming they both sleep reasonably well.) or even better go away fri/sat nights so your mum only has them after school Friday then you hire a babysitter Saturday. Avoids the extortionate overnight nanny rates.
That’s not a bad idea either. If the 3yr old is in nursery maybe a midweek break would be an option? Even better if you could call in a favour or pay someone to do the school/nursery runs.
idontlikealdi · 11/06/2021 17:21

Why does it have to be two nights, just do one?

Legoandloldolls · 11/06/2021 17:26

YANBU. My dm has not ever once babysit for me. It is what is and I know it's not a God given right, but I have really young in laws and a sister and no one baby sits unless I am giving birth. I was I hospital for a week this year and very thankful dh couldn't visit me as he wouldnt have had any help

I just waited until the eldest could mind them. He is turning 18 so he will do it, but it's been a long, long wait!

I think nowadays everyone has less time for family full stop. My kids haven't seen fil for about four years, mil three years and my mum since March 2020. As a aside I'm not sure how they will form relationships at all. In laws moved as far away from us as humanly possible on purpose I think to avoid this scenario 😉