To think this insensitive and the end of a long friendship

[turquoiseandblue]

My two best friends from uni, one who was on my course and who I suppose I'm a bit closer to but we've all been friends for over 25 yrs it's all pretty equal now.
I got a message from one saying they were meeting the other and could do with a chat as we hadn't spoken in so long, saying that lots of WhatsApp and a few face times given COVID (the last zoom call we tried to set up she didn't want to be bothered with).
I called her to be told she was in fact going on holiday with her children and our other friend as they had a spare room in their lodge they knew they would take and I was more 'difficult' (I have a toddler). I was then told it had been booked over a year ago. I replied that had they let me know I could have booked somewhere near, that was met with a pitying sigh as if I had some kind of problem.
I was then asked if I wanted to come on a zoom call with everyone when they were there, I replied I'd rather not as it was just a reminder that I wasn't there with them and hadn't been invited, I did say this all in quite a light hearted manner though again it was met with another sign.
AIBU to think they are just disregarding my feelings, particularly now they have returned they want to meet up in an area between all of us which they have chosen. This is in fact not at all in the middle and a 4hr drive for me.
It's such a long standing friendship but I have felt very left out on a number of occasions (lonely in a group of three) and I just wonder whether despite being godparents to each other's children and bridesmaids etc whether I should still be putting the effort in when my feelings aren't seemingly considered . If it were me I wouldn't have planned a holiday after lockdown without considering each of them and certainly wouldn't have made a guilty phone call just before I was about to leave for a holiday. Any advice on what to do next is welcome

@InnaBun

I was then asked if I wanted to come on a zoom call with everyone when they were there, I replied I'd rather not as it was just a reminder that I wasn't there with them and hadn't been invited, I did say this all in quite a light hearted manner though again it was met with another sign. sounds like they tried to make an effort to include you and you took it as an opportunity to make a dig at them

Yeah I think possibly they find you hard work. Maybe if you’d said ‘yeah that sounds great!’ You would start getting more invitations to things but if you make them feel bad about themselves they aren’t going to want to hang out with you. On the other hand if being friends with them makes you feel bad about yourself then I think it’s time to call it a day.

? Two friends have arranged to share a lodge. Lodges generally specify the number of guests permitted ; there was space for Childless so they asked her (not you and 3 yr old. )

I really can't see why you're so hurt and offended by them spending time together.. Lots of people with rather older kids would prefer not to have to arrange group activities around the needs of a much younger child.

If you were there and the other 2 families were leaving you out of things they wanted to do and your DC couldn't , you'd be even more offended.

W"hen they booked it a year ago, your toddler was 2, a baby.

Having a baby in a group of older kids and adults changes the whole dynamic ..... mealtimes, bedtimes, daytime naps, outdoor activities, how far you walk how long you stay out, eating out.

Although you say yopu'd do your own thing, this thread suggests you'd be very hurt if they all went off to do the climbing wall/cycle ride/long walk/ treetop adventure circuit leaving you at home with baby nap time.

@InnaBun are you actually one of the friends the OP is talking about!!? 🤣 I completely understand her desire to decline.

So the kids are 7 and 9 and yours is 2. I can see how that wouldn't really work all that well to be honest (having done similar with a toddler myself). They are old enough to stay up relatively late and yours isn't, so it would impact on the sort of things everyone could do in the evenings.

Is it just the two friends and the kids going, or their DPs/DHs as well?

Sounds as though they only let you know at the last minute because they felt guilty and thought you might find out about their trip.

I wouldn't drive four hours to see anyone. Find friends closer to home.

You can't be friends with people who don't want you in their group, however much you want it. Back off with some sort of pride while you can and make new friends.

Friendships change. I would just not bother to chase and make first contact. When you have kids a lot of things are thrown up. I think the sighs sound really insulting and patronising just move away and enjoy a different life and friendships they can’t be your only friends. I have friends that go back and we get together maybe once every 2,3 years with some more. Old friendships often get more spaced in this way. You don’t have to see someone regularly for them still to have a place in your life !!

Rule number one: Don't stay with people who make you feel hurt. Rule number two: There are always better people for you out there. I was hurt many times by a couple of "friends" and after I let go of the relationship, I found better friendship. Never think about them nowadays, no more waste my time and effort on people who don't deserve it. My mind is much happier and lighter.

Sounds like they’re ‘unfriending ‘ you and freezing you out. You said there were ‘sighs’ which suggests to me that they find your objections irksome and tiresome.
Let them fade away and leave them to it.
It will be very hard for you and I am sorry for you but please bear in mind that they are not actually your friends.

I would have felt like they were throwing me a bone with the offer of a zoom call personally. I’d feel like they were doing me this big favour.
Different if I’d been invited but I wasn’t able to go , but not if I’d not been invited in the first place.
And the fact they are sighing when OP said she’d have got someone nearby sounds like they aren’t very bothered about how she feels.
I’d definitely be hurt.

Have you directly told them how it has made you feel? Have your brought your feelings about this relationship into the friendship circle. Surely it is better to discussion and then make a decision, rather than being passive?

I think they’ve been cruel, they should’ve told you earlier they were going on holiday together and why, but they didn’t and now want to zoom and you’ve to drive 4 hours to meet them for a couple of hours? I’d leave those two selfish feckers to each other and find better friends. Good luck x