To not want any grandchildren?

[Manzanilla55]

Just that really. I had ds my only child at age 41 and am now 57. By the time he moves out I imagine I will be 62. I just want peace and quiet after that. He doesn't want children either as he has plenty of family on his dad's side in London. Of all ages. I happened to mention in passing I did not want any to a couple of people and boy were they shocked. There are plenty of things to enjoy in life without grandchildren. Am I really unusual and am I missing something here? I just prefer a nice simple life hobbies interests plenty of me time and a modest social life. I don't even crave a bloke. Am I really strange as I just don't feel that I am.

What a weird thread.

Grandchildren are something you acquire (or don't) because your children are making their own independent decisions. Then you decide how much you do or don't see them or be involved but as you love your kids then hopefully you see your role as at least to support them in some way.

Your DS is 16. No one thinks about having children at that age. If you didn’t want to be an old grandparent, then you shouldn’t have had your son in your 40s.

Grandchildren isn't something you get to decide not to have. What a strange thread

@felulageller

I know I'll get railed for saying this but why have a child if you don't want grandkids?

I'm genuinely asking as part of my personal motivation to have DC's was to carry on the family line etc.

If I was definitely not going to have grandkids I don't think I'd have had kids.

I find that strange and oddly self-absorbed tbh. It's also making some kind of claim on what your dc do that you simply don't have a right to.

I'd love grandchildren from a personal POV, but I don't feel, in all good conscience, that I can recommend my children have children. Climate change is going to be a nightmare, and the more so the later the generation.

I also don't want grandchildren, but it's because I don't want my own children to have the pressures, financial worries, guilt-of-getting-it-wrong, school runs being juggled with working etc. I love my DC very much and would happily stand in front of a bullet for them, but, my God, that long-term, unwavering sense of responsibility - I wouldn't wish it on them. If they go on to have children, I hope they will be in a position where they can absolutely enjoy them, every day, without juggling, scrimping, palming them off, feeling guilty for never doing enough, and, finally, that they have the steel to create and insist on boundaries and consequences. That's just me, though. I have friends who are hands-down born to be mothers and are awe-inspiring.

I don't think you get to choose

Its not your choice! Your child may decide to have one in his 30s! Also accidents do happen!

Surely it’s irrelevant whether or not you want grandchildren! You’ll either get some or you won’t. If some do appear then you can decide how to feel about them and if you want to be an involved grandmother or an aloof obe.

I agree with others, it's more than likely that your son will change his mind, particularly if he settles down with somebody who wants children. I really don't imagine you would be involved in any future decision about this, you can choose whether to be a hands-on grandmother or not.
You might even find that you'd like to see them occasionally.

I think its bizarre to not want grandkids, at the end of the day how does it effect you?

My DSs has 5 grandparents:

2 who ask to see them every week multiples times and love spending time with them (think it elieviates their boredom from being retired)

2 who love to buy gifts for them but hardly ever see them (they find it physically too demanding)

and

1 who has never met or even acknowledged their existance.

Grandparents choose their relationship with grandchildren.

Curious did you actively want/plan your DS?
I suppose if you never liked/wanted kids and hadnt planned on them then it kind of makes sense but the majority of people have kids so its fairly common when having children to assume you will end up with grandchildren.

You have zero say in if you get them or not but you can handle having them however you feel.

I say this as an older parent myself, but chances are you would be too old to be of much use when he does have kids and so the burden might fall naturally with his partner’s GP. My plan is to keep fit and healthy for as long as possible so I can be an active gp for as long as possible if needed.

I never wanted children but ended up with five. Three of mine and two stepc. They all lived with us and I love them all to bits. My dgc are a constant joy, they are clever, kind and beautiful. They were fabulous as babies and children and are now fun and helpful as adults. You might find a gc or two will bring you more joy than you could imagine. Keep an open mind

No wonder mother in law’s get a bad rap on here! You already sound as though you’re disinterested in children who aren’t even born and sadly that’s what a lot of paternal grandma’s do for some reason.

Wow. Dramatic much and quite a stretch there. Two entirely different things there.

You do realise that OP can change her mind just as her son could. People can and do do that.

I swear some act as if OP is about to take her teen to get a vasectomy against his will. She knows she has no control over it. How many times are going to repeat that it isn’t?

Your DS is 16. No one thinks about having children at that age. If you didn’t want to be an old grandparent, then you shouldn’t have had your son in your 40s.

You would be surprised and your comment is really rude. We have no idea why OP had children later in life or if that was her plan. It could be a number of circumstances (income, fertility, etc..).

Is it up to you?

@Doris86

There is a large element of selfishness to people saying they don’t want grandchildren. They don’t want screaming children to potentially look after. Yet they don’t seem to care that their children won’t have the joy of having their own children, and someone to look after them in their old age.

There are lots of sanctimonious types on Mumsnet. Your post is sanctimonious. Expressing this view anonymously on a forum isn’t selfish at all! It’s simply expressing an opinion. The OP has clearly stated that she doesn’t tell her son that she doesn’t want grandchildren! FFS! 🙄

Not your choice

@Kokosrieksts

This is not your decision, what a weird idea. Surely as a grandparent you chose how involved you want to be, once a year, once a month or every week.

Just as well OP doesn't think it IS her decision then.

@THEDEACON

Whether you have grandchildren or not is not within your control and you are BVU to express this wish

She knows. And she hasn't expressed this to anyone other than a couple of friends and MN. Her son has no idea how she feels, and she doesn't intend that he ever will.

Jeeeze. I'm going to have to hide this thread. People are just insane. 90% seem not to have read the OP at all.

Good grief.

Well it will be fine surely, as you'll be the MIL and your DIL won't want you interfering anyway otherwise she'll be on here complaining about you!

Well my mother didn't want kids or grandchildren. So you're not alone! It's not up to you of course but then grandparents aren't obliged to be a particular way. My mother sees her grandchildren a couple of times a year.

I always remember my mum-in-law saying that three bad things happened to her in one year; she became a widow, a Grandma and turned 70.
I don’t think you are alone in your view. I did always feel a bit sorry for my BIL & SIL who were incredibly excited about having the 1st baby out of all of us. I always felt it was a shame MIL considered it to be a negative.
My mum on the other hand couldn’t wait and DH now have two of our own. Maybe you’ll feel differently when it actually happens and you see those little feet and toes.

YANBU but it isn't really something you get a choice in. People can change their minds about having children too, so you should resign yourself for the fact it might happen and that you could end up being a grumpy granny.

This thread made me consider if I want grandchildren or not and I reached the conclusion that I don't actively dream of having grandchildren. I was not that interested in children before I had my own. But I love being a mum and can't imagine not loving and wanting to spend time with any grandchild I might have, if any. But I don't see myself being upset if I don't have them either.

YANBU to feel as you do but you would be very unreasonable to discuss these feelings with your son either now or in the future. It is entirely up to him whether or not he ever decides to have children. As many people have said, it would also be entirely up to you how much you would wish to be involved, although it would be unreasonable to actively ignore or be hostile to a grandchild as someone described above.