To not want any grandchildren?

[Manzanilla55]

Just that really. I had ds my only child at age 41 and am now 57. By the time he moves out I imagine I will be 62. I just want peace and quiet after that. He doesn't want children either as he has plenty of family on his dad's side in London. Of all ages. I happened to mention in passing I did not want any to a couple of people and boy were they shocked. There are plenty of things to enjoy in life without grandchildren. Am I really unusual and am I missing something here? I just prefer a nice simple life hobbies interests plenty of me time and a modest social life. I don't even crave a bloke. Am I really strange as I just don't feel that I am.

We have a grandchild earlier than expected. Dc are early to late twenties and honestly I've not long got over some of the teenager crap.
However dear grandchild is here now and we want to be part of their life. But it's been made clear that no way will we be doing any childcare whatsoever. We have several Dc between us and we'd be working more than full-time and absolutely knackered if we did the same for the others if any more come along.

It might be because of the late age you had your child. Grandchildren could arrive and you'd be well in to your 60's or 70's . A younger parent may see it differently. In my case, I could realistically expect grandchildren around 48-50. Hopefully still fit and healthy and able to cope with all the things I enjoy doing plus extra kids in the family.

Or course you're entitled to feel the way you do and ignore those that disagree with you! But it's not really a decision you have any control over, sorry!

@fashionablefennel

ViciousJackdaw

but that's the point, if they are "guilt tripped" into helping out, they don't actually want to. It's weird.

If you consider that having your children was "a sentence", you prove my point, it's sad.

What children?

Still don't understand why it's 'weird' not to want to provide regular childcare. I think it's weird to have no other interests in life other than grandchildren - it sounds so insular.

Entitled much!!!! Not your choice. If they do come you don’t need to engage with them.

I find your attitude a bit strange. I love the idea of my DD having children because they would be an extension of her. And also because I would want her to experience the same joy she has brought me. She is only 12 so I don’t want her to have children until she has grown up and established a career but I know she will make a wonderful mother because she is so caring. I know everyone is different but I do find your way of thinking v hard to relate to even though I am trying to see things from another perspective!

I'm 10 years younger than you op and I have 3 grandkids but I still have peace quiet and a good social life 🤷‍♀️
I love being a grandma but it doesn't have to be a full time job! They visit then go home and the rest of my time is mine .

@Amitskitshaw

Entitled much!!!! Not your choice. If they do come you don’t need to engage with them.

But that would make you a horrible person. You don't really have a choice but to engage and help out.

I think you’re unusual. My bloke’s got grandchildren and I haven’t. I’m frankly deeply envious.

My Dad allegedly wanted grandchildren. From the time he has spent with my children, I thought he was mistaken, until his stepdaughter had a baby last year, now he's up for grandad of the year, looks after him when she's at work, babysitting when she goes on dates the works! If you want to be the former, keep in mind your son may well end up resenting your lack of involvement, I most certainly do with my Dad

@LittleTiger007

It’s not your choice to make. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

She knows.

This is not your decision, what a weird idea. Surely as a grandparent you chose how involved you want to be, once a year, once a month or every week.

Whether you have grandchildren or not is not within your control and you are BVU to express this wish

I am 68 and have two grown up daughters. One is 42 and has no partner or children. She quite happy as she is. The other is 39 next week and lives with her partner. They have no children and don't want any either. I think they have made the right choices. I don't feel very optimistic for the future for young people regarding jobs etc. but that's my view.

I'll be 61 when our last kid goes off to Uni, none of ours are interested in having kids of their own. To be honest I don't blame them. They are having a hard enough time, buying homes and getting careers off the ground.
If any come along thats nice, but if there are none I'm not bothered. Poor future DIL got it in the neck from her parents, her sister is having baby number two and she wants none. I reasurred our son that it's up to them alone and not selfish if they decide not to have any. No ones business but theirs.

I said the same, OP! I truly felt that way - did not need grandchildren, was perfectly content. Until they came along, and I find myself, like most of us, absolutely besotted with them. Time will take care of this, one way or another. I hope you are okay with the outcome, whichever way it goes.

Do you mean you actually don't want grandchildren, in the sense that you would really definitely prefer than your son does not have children. Or do you just mean that having grandchildren and being involved in their life is not something you actively want or look forward to and you wouldn't be disappointed not to have any. Very different! Second seems perfectly reasonable. First, a bit extreme! You don't have to see much of them.

And agree that a 16 yr old boy saying he doesn't want children is pretty meaningless!

And it would be in appropriate to tell your child you really don't want grandchildren. It would also be inappropriate to put pressure on them to have children because you really want grandchildren.

No wonder mother in law’s get a bad rap on here! You already sound as though you’re disinterested in children who aren’t even born and sadly that’s what a lot of paternal grandma’s do for some reason.

Good grief.
There's a lot i could say here, but all im going to say is, if the time arises and you do become a grandparents, make it KNOWN that you don't want any active role. Me and my children have had our hearts broken by both sets of grandparents proclaiming that they would do anything for their grandchildren and actually doing bugger all. I'd rather know you're not interested than just pretend to be and do nothing.

I’m in much the same position as the OP but I wouldn’t mind grandchildren so long as I am not expected to be the childcare or finance them!

My dh spent his whole childhood being reminded he was a mistake.. And mil preaching she didn't want to be a dgm. Dh was devastated when she kept to her word...

I also could take or leave grandchildren ... Have spent decades looking after children and would really like some time to myself. Still supporting the youngest at Uni and now enjoying time with DH.

I only hope you are not influencing your very young son with your lack of desire for grandchildren. For many people having children is a joyfull experience. As others said it is not your decision to make. Your position is unusual but nothing wrong with that as long as you don't try to influence your son to your way of thinking.

I know I'll get railed for saying this but why have a child if you don't want grandkids?

I'm genuinely asking as part of my personal motivation to have DC's was to carry on the family line etc.

If I was definitely not going to have grandkids I don't think I'd have had kids.

@felulageller

I know I'll get railed for saying this but why have a child if you don't want grandkids?

I'm genuinely asking as part of my personal motivation to have DC's was to carry on the family line etc.

If I was definitely not going to have grandkids I don't think I'd have had kids.

You don’t know. I always thought I’d be a granny but it seems I’m not. 🤷‍♀️