'Joke' or HR matter?

[MapleSyrupMoose]

New name as I don't want this linked to my other posts.

I absolutely adore my job and can sometimes get a bit obsessive about new projects. Last week, I was up cycling in the wee hours of the morning, had a sudden idea, and sent an email to a colleague of mine (work email address) regarding this. He almost immediately sent a message to my personal phone number saying, 'Wow you're up early', followed by one saying, 'I don't know why women like you bother working, you could probably sell nudes online and make a fortune'. I ignored him. We had a teams meeting a few hours later and I largely ignored him too. He then sent a message saying, 'Come on, it's just a joke'!

Would I be overreacting if I reported this to HR? Or should I just take it as a 'joke' and move on? We're about the same age (20s but I'm not sure if that matters) in the same role.

I would have a word the first time. If he becomes a "repeat offender" then HR

I feel like one off he might have been trying to be funny but missed the mark. Twice and that's a pattern

Rubbishatchoosingusernames is the type of subhuman 1950s toxic male that thinks suggesting a woman be a whore is somehow not 'harmful' and 'degrading'. I wonder if someone said the same to his mother, would his dismissive and chauvinist attitude still be the same.

"Stop working and sell nude photos" man has turned up!

Obviously he's sweating cobs in anticipation of what HR will say to him. 😉

Did someone leave the arsehole tap open again?

I think someone let their teenager at their laptop again.

@CaptainBarbossa

I would have a word the first time. If he becomes a "repeat offender" then HR

I feel like one off he might have been trying to be funny but missed the mark. Twice and that's a pattern

The issue is a lot of unreported firsts also show a pattern. Just that no one is aware of it.

A male colleague of mine once made a smutty comment alluding to my then husbands activities.

I emailed him (shared office) and told him it was inappropriate, made me feel uncomfortable and not to do anything like that again. He apologised and no more was ever said about it, and he never repeated anything similar.

I wanted to sort it out right away. We had been colleagues for a long time, and had spent quite a bit of time outside work together while travelling to conferences. He'd been an idiot, I told him, he apologised and that was it.

I’m shocked at all the responses relaxed about this kind of response.
He’s talking about the OP being naked. They aren’t close friends so there’s no way of explaining it away like that.
Please don’t excuse this kind of behaviour.

He's a office sleaze and has no respect for you to even consider speaking to you like this in a work context.

I'd probably tell him to fuck off and let HR know in case someone else reports something similar

@drpet49

Just a joke. I would have seen the funny side to this.

What ‘funny side’. No matter how I look at it - I can’t see a hilarious joke….

OP I’m sorry you received such a vile communication.

If it were me I’d forward a screenshot of his message to my work email. Then email him to advise he’s not to communicate via your personal number and that the message was totally unprofessional. Any further messages of this kind, or comments in person will be followed up with HR.

It’s a daft non funny joke but not something that warrants getting him into trouble as a one off

Again, he got HIMSELF into this trouble. Who knows if it's 'a one off'? What if he's been reported before? What if he does it again and again because, hey, it's just a joke?

Men can take responsibility for their own actions. If you don't want to get reported for sexual harassment, don't sexually harass people. It's THAT simple.

Holy moly. It would have been tempting to describe what had happened, to his face, loudly, at the meeting.

• Personal phone no. (provided for a specific reason, misused for this)
• Sexual comment about you.
• 'Women like you' (sees you as a sex object)
• Who don't need to work (he takes you less seriously than a 'real worker').

Yuck.

What? Even if he was ‘only joking’ it’s still massively unprofessional and inappropriate! I’d definitely be telling my boss.