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Original poster

To be disheartened DS is now aware of comments on his size.

111 replies

GreenCrayon · 09/06/2021 17:04

DS is 18 months old and quite little. For context he has only just gone into some 9-12 month stuff, but still fits easily into most 6-9 month clothing and even some 3-6 stuff. He has tiny feet and there isn't much to him weight wise. He is just on the lower end of the centile charts and that's fine by me, after all someone has to be there.

I'm well used to comments about his size and normally brush them off as small talk but today after 3 separate parents continually steered the conversation around his size and how small he was DS started to repeat them and say the word 'mall' whilst pointing to himself in the same way he says cup and points to a cup.

I appreciate he is indeed small but I was sort of hoping he wouldn't yet be aware or make the link that when people said small they were referring to him. Am I unreasonable to be sad he's made the connection and wish people would stop commenting on his size.

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 09/06/2021 17:07

You're projecting. He is 18 months old and has NO idea.

myfuckingfreezer · 09/06/2021 17:08

He's 18m and wearing some 3-6m clothes?

BlueDucky · 09/06/2021 17:10

What 3-6m stuff is he fitting into?

BlueDucky · 09/06/2021 17:11

But yes very sad if he is picking up on it

Ozanj · 09/06/2021 17:11

Do you know how tall he is? My 18m old is slim and wears some 6-9 and even some of his old stretched out newborn clothes. He’s also also over the 95th centile in height but I only know this because I got it measured. You should probably do that too if you haven’t.

Lougle · 09/06/2021 17:12

He has no idea what small means.

cadburyegg · 09/06/2021 17:12

I don't think it means anything tbh. He is small compared to adults! Once he is old enough to comprehend what they're saying he may not get those comments anymore. I got comments on how small my boys were as babies and young toddlers. Still do for DS2 to a point. He's 3 now and is wearing some 12-18m shorts today. It's not an issue, don't make it one

NumberTheory · 09/06/2021 17:14

Yes, it’s sad he’s picking up on people commenting.

Fitting in 3-6 month stuff at 18 months is somewhat remarkable, though. I had a DC who was in the 0.3% and that wasn’t the case for him. Have you had him checked out by a gp?

Original poster
GreenCrayon · 09/06/2021 17:15

Yes he still has a few zip up jumpers that are 3-6 months in age. Albeit they are in my opinion more generously sized than the rest of the stuff he had in that size.

I'd love to believe he genuinely doesn't understand an fit is a case of me projecting but I see no reason to believe he doesn't given he's 18 months old he understands plenty of other stuff people say.

OP posts:
hazelnutcrackers · 09/06/2021 17:16

He's just repeating a word, which is actually great - that's how they learn - and he will have no idea about any context. People are really really rude and thoughtless in their comments about babies sometimes but try and brush it off. It absolutely won't affect him. Mine was always absolutely tiny and god, some of the ridiculous crap people used to say to me. She's now a giant and mocks me as being a shortass🤣

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/06/2021 17:17

He doesn’t have the cognitive processes to understand the word small and relate it to himself. Developmentally he’s not there yet and won’t be for a long while yet.

WorraLiberty · 09/06/2021 17:19

It does sound like projection as all kids are 'small' compared to older kids and adults.

And compared to elephants and horses Grin

YOU know he's small for his age but he doesn't.

MisgenderedSwan · 09/06/2021 17:19

My dd wore size 3-6 mo shorts and T-shirts til she was 2. She is still tiny. Why would you be sad about it? There is no point in not mentioning it, it's not like people will ever not notice. My dd is now 8, knows all the phrases like 'they don't make diamonds as big as bricks' etc and is happy to be small but tough. I'm short and have never seen it as an issue, it's just a fact!

Change the narrative, if people comment on him being dinky then say, oh yes, AND he's so strong/fast/loves animals/kind etc - just change the focus. Talk about things he has control of and people will stop. My dc know you shouldn't mention anything about people that they can't fix in 30 seconds. So we might tell someone (kindly) if they have food in their teeth but don't comment on weight or size because that isn't something that can be changed.

purpleme12 · 09/06/2021 17:20

At 18 months that isn't going to make him sad
He's not picked the word small up in a bad way here

Original poster
GreenCrayon · 09/06/2021 17:20

I'm not sure how tall he is I'll try to measure him but I have no concerns about his size so don't feel he needs to see a GP. He eats well and is meeting his milestones so nothing that would really worry me.

I do normally just brush off the comments and make light of it but the fact he seems to be making the link between small and himself does make me wish people would consider before commenting so much that he might actually be taking in what they are saying.

OP posts:
AnAnxiousSeagull · 09/06/2021 17:21

@NumberTheory

Yes, it’s sad he’s picking up on people commenting.

Fitting in 3-6 month stuff at 18 months is somewhat remarkable, though. I had a DC who was in the 0.3% and that wasn’t the case for him. Have you had him checked out by a gp?

I bought a load of vests from the Scandi-type brands for my baby. All size 3-6 months. He wore them until he was 21 months. And he's a big boy, he's on the 95th percentile for height and weight. These vests were like magic.
Hankunamatata · 09/06/2021 17:22

People comment on all sorts with kids. Just keep repeating that he is following his centile line

Sinthie · 09/06/2021 17:22

My preemie’s nickname related to how small he was. We still call him it sometimes now he is 7. He doesn’t seem to have been damaged by it.

Original poster
GreenCrayon · 09/06/2021 17:23

Change the narrative, if people comment on him being dinky then say, oh yes, AND he's so strong/fast/loves animals/kind etc - just change the focus. Talk about things he has control of and people will stop.

Thats normally exactly what I do but honestly one women today when talking about him must have used the word small every other word.

I'm not at all sad he's small, he's certainly got a big character to make up for it. Smile

OP posts:
TheoMeo · 09/06/2021 17:24

I thought this was going to be about an overweight teenager!!
Can't you just say 'oh yes, I was a very dainty baby' - people are often trying to be helpful. There is a lot of comparison comments with babies - everyone wants theirs advanced in skills and normal in build!

zaffa · 09/06/2021 17:29

He may well understand what small means but I doubt he understands and links the negative connotations to it that you have. DD is on the 98th centile at 18 months but she is still small in comparison to the rest of the family. She doesn't see it as a negative thing and your DS won't if you don't make it negative for him

HazeyJaneII · 09/06/2021 17:30

As others have said, he's unlikely to have the cognitive processing to make all the connections between himself and smallness and the (perceived) negativity.

I do however remember very clearly the day some little arseholes took the piss out of my ds (who was 7) calling him a 'baby' and 'weird'...he had thought they wanted to play with him....the look of sadness on his face was crushing, I thought I was going to explode.

Original poster
GreenCrayon · 09/06/2021 17:34

I do however remember very clearly the day some little arseholes took the piss out of my ds (who was 7) calling him a 'baby' and 'weird'...he had thought they wanted to play with him....the look of sadness on his face was crushing, I thought I was going to explode.

I can imagine I would have felt the same way. Your poor DS.

I appreciate he doesn't see it as a negative and I absolutely won't be making a big deal out of his size but equally I don't want it to be the overriding adjective associated with him everytime we meet someone new.

OP posts:
YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 09/06/2021 17:35

If him being small doesnt bother you, why are you concerned about him understanding it? It's a descriptive word. He IS small, so what. You are making it out to be a negative thing

fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 17:39

If it makes you feel any better, the opposite is even worst. Children are judged by what people assume are their age.
A smaller child will be seen as very advanced as people will think they are younger.

A taller and bigger child, looking older than his age, will be assumed to be struggling.

at his age, he has no idea!