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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be disheartened DS is now aware of comments on his size.

111 replies

GreenCrayon · 09/06/2021 17:04

DS is 18 months old and quite little. For context he has only just gone into some 9-12 month stuff, but still fits easily into most 6-9 month clothing and even some 3-6 stuff. He has tiny feet and there isn't much to him weight wise. He is just on the lower end of the centile charts and that's fine by me, after all someone has to be there.

I'm well used to comments about his size and normally brush them off as small talk but today after 3 separate parents continually steered the conversation around his size and how small he was DS started to repeat them and say the word 'mall' whilst pointing to himself in the same way he says cup and points to a cup.

I appreciate he is indeed small but I was sort of hoping he wouldn't yet be aware or make the link that when people said small they were referring to him. Am I unreasonable to be sad he's made the connection and wish people would stop commenting on his size.

OP posts:

ExhaustedFlamingo · 09/06/2021 21:42

"Of course I will do this but it honestly gets pretty triesome that it's all anyone ever comments on. I just hope people will find something more meaningful to comment on as he grows than something he cannot change."

As I said above, my DD was barely the size of a 3month old by the time she was a year old. With twins, it meant I had two very, very small, premature babies. Believe me when I say that gets a lot of attention - I am well aware of what it's like for people to be commenting on their size. Just to make things worse, my step-sister had a baby two months before me. Photos of them together look like Gulliver and Lilliput.

For what it's worth, I think it would be much worse to have a baby that was big/chunky. My friend's baby had delicious rolls of baby fat (just breast-fed, nothing more) - clearly normal and healthy. The comments she had about his size and being "too big" with the implications of being obese - for a breastfed baby!!!

And honestly, if you think you're tired of being told they're small - I can't tell you the amount of times I got told "oh, was it buy one, get one free?" Or "oh, clever girl, you've got one of each - you completed your family in one go" - and so on. I got regularly stopped by random strangers in the supermarket because having tiny twins is apparently a big event in our local Asda.

I honestly couldn't get worked up over any of it. People are well-meaning even if you've heard it a thousand times before.

It's just factual, nothing more. Parenthood is going to be a long, rough ride for you if you're this sensitive about something that's not a criticism, just a simple fact. Nothing wrong with being small.

CorianderBee · 09/06/2021 23:02

He is small compared to grown ups. If he does it just point to him and say small and you and say big. As he grows he will know kids are smaller than grown ups and will connect it to that.

user1480000680 · 09/06/2021 23:11

My son was the same, just found his first Christmas Pajamas which are 3-6 months when he would have been almost a year old. He was under the centile line for some time due to him being early. The comments about his size would infuriate me (they still do! He’s still teeny!) BUT after too many comments I started to comment back. For every ‘oh isn’t he tiny!’ I would reply with an ‘aren’t you large!’ with a wide smile. And then silence. Worked every time xx

Original poster

GreenCrayon · 09/06/2021 23:17

He is small compared to grown ups. If he does it just point to him and say small and you and say big. As he grows he will know kids are smaller than grown ups and will connect it to that.

That sounds like a very sensible and logical plan going forward.

Although secretly this might be the strategy I'm implementing in my head...

after too many comments I started to comment back. For every ‘oh isn’t he tiny!’ I would reply with an ‘aren’t you large!’ with a wide smile. And then silence. Worked every time xx

OP posts:

Nannyamc · 09/06/2021 23:27

My ds was like this till about 12 .
Lots of comments about his size but ph nurse was never concerned. At 13 he just shoot up. At 30 he is 6ft 2 very healthy has small hands and feet.

HahaAreyouSerious · 10/06/2021 00:46

What even is this???

Sort yourself out and stop projecting this nonsense into your child fgs.

Original poster

GreenCrayon · 10/06/2021 08:26

@HahaAreyouSerious

What even is this???

Sort yourself out and stop projecting this nonsense into your child fgs.

Well thanks for the super supportive post.

By all means say I'm being unreasonable, I actually found the posts saying I was very helpful and it was nice to see it from another point of view but your post added nothing constructive and there are kinder ways of getting your opinion across. I can only hope you were having a rough day and you've woken up with a little more compassion.

OP posts:

MaybeCrazy2 · 10/06/2021 08:34

My brother was tiny as a baby and kid, reached 18 and shot up and out to a 6ft guy with athletic build. They grow.

Hilarias · 10/06/2021 10:34

My DS is quite tall and chonky at 2.5 but gets cross when I refer to him as a ‘big boy’ and corrects me by saying ‘no, little boy’. So 🤷‍♀️ (As pps have said if your son’s percentile for weight and height are similar and your dr isn’t worried and you as parents are similarly built then try not to stress it. Kids grow at all different rates.)

Hilarias · 10/06/2021 10:35

And just wait for the ‘me little bum, mummy big bum’ comments to start. Those are REALLY fun 😬

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 10/06/2021 11:02

My son was the opposite...huge. And it was commented on all the time. People expected so much of him when he just a toddler.
He's now an adult an 6 foot 8 and people still comment on it all the time. Drunks in pubs, aunties, people he meets on a day to day basis. He rolls his eyes and moves on.
Try not to let it bother you too much.

Pinkblueberry · 10/06/2021 11:35

All kids consider themselves ‘small’ don’t they - kids are small compared to adults. They don’t pick it up as some kind of insult. No matter what was said an 18 month old doesn’t feel self conscious or take offence. You’re hugely projecting.

Sometimesfraught82 · 10/06/2021 13:13

You could call an 18 month old an ugly, fat smelly pig.

And they’d laugh and go “oink oink”

Don’t project

Maray1967 · 10/06/2021 13:48

We all need to be considerate when we comment - or zip it and don’t comment at all . I once had another mum ask why my DS wasn’t sitting up on his own yet. He was the same size as her DS who was. She said this with a very smug look on her face. I. can’t remember exactly how old DS was but he was too young to be doing that. I said but he’s only x months old and I saw her expression change quickly. I asked her how old hers was - he was several months older. I think I said ‘oh’ and left it hanging. I have always hoped that she kept her mouth shut in future.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 10/06/2021 16:01

Honestly op you are overthinking this!
Dd2 was less than 3lbs when she was born.
She has always been smaller than others but it's never been a problem.
The only issue it's caused is now as an adult she struggles with getting nice shoes,as she only has size 1 feet

RattlesnakesUnfold · 10/06/2021 17:13

Sorry people are commenting.

But I think you need to get him checked over by the GP if he’s still fitting into some tiny baby jumpers and his size is so noticeable people comment on it.

Do you keep track of his height and weight?

At 18 months he won’t understand the negativity behind ‘small’ unless you demonstrate it eg reacting to people with irritation.

Keepitcleanplease · 10/06/2021 17:16

What is wrong with being small?

RattlesnakesUnfold · 10/06/2021 17:16

after too many comments I started to comment back. For every ‘oh isn’t he tiny!’ I would reply with an ‘aren’t you large!’ with a wide smile. And then silence. Worked every time

That’s incredibly rude. And doesn’t help your son in any way. A cheery ‘they’re so cute when they’re little aren’t they’ would be better. Teach him small is positive?

Sometimesfraught82 · 10/06/2021 17:21

@RattlesnakesUnfold

after too many comments I started to comment back. For every ‘oh isn’t he tiny!’ I would reply with an ‘aren’t you large!’ with a wide smile. And then silence. Worked every time

That’s incredibly rude. And doesn’t help your son in any way. A cheery ‘they’re so cute when they’re little aren’t they’ would be better. Teach him small is positive?

Bloody hell, I didn’t see that one.

Loads of stuff you say to / about a baby/toddler that you hardly know that you wouldn’t to an adult that you hardly know

“Oh he’s adorable”
“What a cutie pie”
How’s he getting on with weaning?
Look at that head of hair!
What a naughty smile!
Etc

sadperson16 · 10/06/2021 17:22

I'm sorry but you dont sound too well.No baby says small and feels negative.

wildeverose · 10/06/2021 17:32

He doesn't know what it means at all, he's copied a word. He doesn't associate that they're saying he's too small, he doesn't know what average sizes are - he's an 18 month old baby. All of whom are small. So technically he is small! He's not seeing it as a negative, only you are. He's literally mimicking a word. I'm sure he's very clever, but no 18 month old on earth is making that connection.

elliejjtiny · 10/06/2021 17:49

My ds2 was very small and wearing 0-3 months vests and shorts aged 14 months. It never bothered him until he was 2 and other children were still referring to him as a baby. I think that was because he couldn't walk though rather than because of his size. It only bothered me when adults would ask his age and then do a head tilt and say "are you sure?" I used to take him on my lap on the big wavy slide at softplay when he was one and looked like a 2 month old. I got a lot of shocked looks but he loved it. He is 13 now and taller than me. Still skinny though, even though he eats loads.

rainylake · 10/06/2021 18:13

My 2 year old often calls herself little (she is average for her age). She means she is small compared to adults or older children. If I say, you're a big girl now, she'll often say, "no, I little", and then follow it with "Daddy big, I little".

Are you sure you aren't just projecting, and that your DS doesn't just mean he is small compared to other people (ie grown ups) in his life?

ChangePart1 · 10/06/2021 18:30

@sadperson16

I'm sorry but you dont sound too well.No baby says small and feels negative.

Lol, what the fuck. Most ridiculous comment of the thread award goes to @sadperson16 🏅

Original poster

GreenCrayon · 10/06/2021 18:57

But I think you need to get him checked over by the GP if he’s still fitting into some tiny baby jumpers and his size is so noticeable people comment on it.

I appreciate the concern but as I've said I've absolutely no reason to think he needs to see a GP. He's developing fine and has always been on the lower end of the centile charts.

As I've already concluded yes some of the worry is probably me projecting as it's the one comment every single person seems to make. I suspose part of me is worried if he continues to hear it he will begin to think that its something that's a problem as often the comment is made in a way that implies its something that's wrong with him.

Obviously I will continue to empower him that it's not a negative as he grows and maybe one day he will have a huge growth spurt but that doesn't stop me sometimes wishing people would find something else to comment on.

I'm sorry but you dont sound too well.

Thanks for your concern but I'm fine thanks.

OP posts:

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