To be disheartened DS is now aware of comments on his size.

[GreenCrayon]

DS is 18 months old and quite little. For context he has only just gone into some 9-12 month stuff, but still fits easily into most 6-9 month clothing and even some 3-6 stuff. He has tiny feet and there isn't much to him weight wise. He is just on the lower end of the centile charts and that's fine by me, after all someone has to be there.

I'm well used to comments about his size and normally brush them off as small talk but today after 3 separate parents continually steered the conversation around his size and how small he was DS started to repeat them and say the word 'mall' whilst pointing to himself in the same way he says cup and points to a cup.

I appreciate he is indeed small but I was sort of hoping he wouldn't yet be aware or make the link that when people said small they were referring to him. Am I unreasonable to be sad he's made the connection and wish people would stop commenting on his size.

I sympathise OP. My daughter is 3.5 and tiny and is now very aware and often says she wants to be tall. I do wish adults would think a bit more sometimes. We’ve even had grandparents saying things like ‘if you eat all your dinner you’ll grow big and tall’ . Or ‘wow look how tall you are’ to her brother. I think people just don’t think sometimes but some adults seem to treat growing like some kind of achievement rather than the lottery it is. Of course as pps have said as your son is 18 months he won’t fully comprehend, but he will as he gets older if these comments continue. I guess all we can do is reinforce at home that it doesn’t matter how tall or short someone is, and concentrate on building their confidence

I think if he is small, you should just embrace it. You can’t change it, and it’s ok for him to know that he’s smaller than other kids his age. Doesn’t have to be a big deal. And anyway, he might grow!

My child is colour blind and from the age of about 3 we’ve just dealt with it very matter of factly. He knows he’s colourblind, and that sometimes he gets the colour wrong. He just laughs and shrugs it off. Of course, I wish he wasn’t, but there isn’t anything I can do about it so I’m glad that he’s so relaxed about it.

@HazeyJaneII

In my book the only comments you make about someone’s baby or toddler are positive ones

This made me think of my mum, who would always, without fail, compliment a babies head....they could have a head like a gnarly old potato (or a post ventouse conehead like dd1...) but my mum would say , 'oh what a beautifully shaped head your baby has...'

Haha! That’s cute. It’s nice to have a stock phrase I think to compliment a baby one! My go-to is always what lovely eyes they have if they’re awake or what a gorgeous mouth they have if asleep. What parent doesn’t want to hear that? And tbf I’ve never met a baby without lovely eyes or a lovely mouth so it’s not a lie!

@HazeyJaneII

In my book the only comments you make about someone’s baby or toddler are positive ones

This made me think of my mum, who would always, without fail, compliment a babies head....they could have a head like a gnarly old potato (or a post ventouse conehead like dd1...) but my mum would say , 'oh what a beautifully shaped head your baby has...'

What a fabulous compliment . Your mum sounds very considerate. I normally compliment a small babies eyes and the dexterity of toddlers both preferably to wow are they small, huge, fat, skinny etc

Even the biggest 18 month old in the world is "small" in relation to pretty much everything else

My mum was always full of compliments, stopping people in the street to say, 'you dress beautifully' or saying to the checkout assistant in the supermarket, 'what incredible eyes you have..' She was always sincere and meant every single one (even the obsession with babies heads!)....I was, being a bit of a miserable cow, completely mortified by this, and used to say, 'mum, you don't have to say something nice to everybody'. Now she is gone, I miss it, and make myself do it, so that it's like a bit of her carrying on.

I have a dinky little ds and he hasn't a clue, now just 6, but if his size ever comes into it, I say 'You're the perfect size for you' and he beams, no one has said anything to him but I'm hoping when they do at a later stage, he'll be full of confidence and personality enough to shrug it off.

I feel you're over thinking it.

DS has in my opinion beautiful eyes, but they are unusual, they are dark grey/blue with light green around the pupil. He came home from nursery saying DSName has strange eyes, I was gutted and said no sweetheart you have beautiful eyes, he repeated no they strange, but very happily. He still occasionally tells people very proudly that he has strange eyes. There's no connotation to the language at that age.

Awwww my Son is nearly 4 and still fits into 1.5 to 2 year old shorts.

People have always mentioned his size, it's so weird that they feel that it's ok, " oh my god, he is soooo tiny" " wow isn't he small " "he's a dot"
The newest one from everyone is, "he is just too small to be starting school" to which he now asks why he can't/shouldn't/ won't be allowed to start school due to the amount of comments about him.

It's bizarre that people think it's ok to mention his size because it's "cute", no it's not and it's not the narrative he should be constantly hearing.
I wouldn't say "oh gosh she's chubby" or "wow he really is a fat child"

Both are just factually correct statements and trust me, both are as offensive as the other, it's not cute to be told a million times a day how small your kid is !

My 17 month old is still in 9-12, just starting to fit 12-18 t-shirts but we’re way off trousers yet. Everyone says how small she is and no one is bothered. Embrace it; there is nothing wrong with being small and he’s got roughly 16.5 years to catch up.

My three children were all small for their ages and as young adults still are. My daughter was in 0-3 months pram shoes until she was 11 months old, started school in size 6, secondary school in size 13 1/2 and finished up with size 2. The brands she likes such as Doc Martens are much cheaper as she buys the children’s version, which look identical to the adult’s version (size 1 in Doc Martens). She is a petite size 6. Lucky girl.

Your boy is not yet at the developmental stage to even begin to start understanding what this means, let alone feeling hurt by it. He's waaaaay away from that level of cognitive development. I mean this kindly but this isn't a little bit of projection - it's complete projection. I promise you he doesn't care - or understand.

I have 11yr old twins who were 8 wks premature. When my DD was a year old she was just growing into 0-3 months clothing. (When she was born, she was still covered in lanugo, especially on her back. One of my friends sent me a card with a picture of a chimp and wrote her name across it.)

They were teeny tiny. And it took them many years to start catching up.

My DD is now a strapping girl who is strong, muscular and wears clothing very slightly above her size. She is fit, healthy and well.

My DS is smaller and a skinny little thing but presumably when the hormone surge hits he'll start to develop muscle and fill out a bit. He wears clothing about a year or so under his size height-wise. He is also fit, healthy and well.

Your boy may well end up being the same size as others. He may always be a bit on the small side. Time will tell.

Mums always comment on size "ooh isn't your baby big?!" "ooh look how small and cute he is!" A lot of the time their comments are just a reflection on the fact that your baby is a different size than theirs was/is. It's not a criticism. To me, most babies look bloody massive because mine were such tiddlers!! I honestly can't get over how big a regular newborn looks.

It carries on through school when you see class photos etc. For years my two were the smallest ones in there. If he is small, there's no point denying it or trying to hide it like it's shameful. Who cares? As he grows, surround him with body positivity comments about being strong/fast/healthy/well/energetic - whatever suits. Those are the messages he'll absorb and how he'll view himself.

@Lougle

He has no idea what small means.

Surely most 18 months understand the word small! I'm not sure he's old enough to feel self conscious about it but of course he knows the word!

@IMNOTSHOUTING in this context, he'd have to understand that 'small' is relative to other kids his age and that being 'small' as a boy is perceived negatively by society. So no, he has no idea what 'small' (as the OP is using it) means.

My dd is tiny, she always has been and is now the smallest in her class in yr 1. She still fits in 3-4 and is 6. I can honestly say it doesn’t bother her a bit, in fact she quite likes it. Honestly I wouldn’t worry he will have no idea at his age.

He might know what small means but he doesn’t know it has any negative associations - he will also see himself as small compared to adults etc.

I do think you are projecting but I understand you feel upset. I think is fair enough to pull people up, just say I don’t think we need to talk about that in a patronising teacher voice, and that should shut them up.

As he grows, surround him with body positivity comments about being strong/fast/healthy/well/energetic - whatever suits. Those are the messages he'll absorb and how he'll view himself.

Of course I will do this but it honestly gets pretty triesome that it's all anyone ever comments on. I just hope people will find something more meaningful to comment on as he grows than something he cannot change.

It's bizarre that people think it's ok to mention his size because it's "cute", no it's not and it's not the narrative he should be constantly hearing.
I wouldn't say "oh gosh she's chubby" or "wow he really is a fat child"

I'm sorry your son had similar comments and yes I too really don't understand the need for everyone we meet to comment on how small his size is. Yes he's small we can all see that so why mention it. Why not tell him he has a nice smile or you like his hat? Why is the default always oh gosh isn't he tiny like they are the only one who has noticed?

My granddaughter is nearly 2.5, but I've just bought her a load of clothes for the summer in 12-18 months and they drown her. She was born at 35 weeks as DD had liver problems, and was on medication - she was only 4.5lbs at birth. She's developmentally developing on cue, but her weight and height just need to catch up. DD gets lots of comments but has learned to brush them off, and all that matters is DGD is healthy and happy. Don't let other people get to you, some wise arse always has a comment.

Even if your son has realised people have said he's small he won't care. He's 18 months old he really doesn't care so I don't think you need to feel sad.
The other parent was a bit tactless but I really doubt she meant to make you feel bad.
Besides you never know, in a few years he might be the tallest in the class. Or he might not be but it really doesn't matter, especially if, as you sa6, his personality isn't small.

I think it is really important that this does not become an issue for him in the way it is for you. My DS is similar in that he has been 2nd centile from birth. He is 13 now and obviously knows he is small. He happily accepts friends mocking him, even one of his teachers takes the mickey out of the size of him, but he genuinely does not give a damn. There are a lot of things more important about a person that how tall they are. You need to give him the skills to deal with it.

I wish I knew how to make you feel less sensitive, OP.

A few times people tripped over their own tongues trying not to call my DS's petite. That word didn't bother me. I was puzzled that it bothered them. I had zero issue with factual observations. I bet DS1 fit into some 3-6m shirts at age 15-18m. He was on 9th %tile for weight. DS1 was possibly 2nd smallest lad in Reception - the actual smallest lad in reception was the height of an average 2 yr old.

DS1 is 6' tall now & 90 kg, built like a tank (he actually drives tanks for a living, British Army). Try not to worry.

@GreenCrayon

As he grows, surround him with body positivity comments about being strong/fast/healthy/well/energetic - whatever suits. Those are the messages he'll absorb and how he'll view himself.

Of course I will do this but it honestly gets pretty triesome that it's all anyone ever comments on. I just hope people will find something more meaningful to comment on as he grows than something he cannot change.

It's bizarre that people think it's ok to mention his size because it's "cute", no it's not and it's not the narrative he should be constantly hearing.
I wouldn't say "oh gosh she's chubby" or "wow he really is a fat child"

I'm sorry your son had similar comments and yes I too really don't understand the need for everyone we meet to comment on how small his size is. Yes he's small we can all see that so why mention it. Why not tell him he has a nice smile or you like his hat? Why is the default always oh gosh isn't he tiny like they are the only one who has noticed?

As a private music teacher l had a young man come for viola lessons a few years ago. He was around 6’5” tall with a rugby player’s build and he had to have the music stand on a chair to be at the right height for him. He had people coming up to him all the time making inane comments such as asking what the weather was like up there as if they were the first to crack the “joke.” Even dafter were the people who said “you’re tall,” again as if they were the only ones who had noticed. Fortunately, he was good humoured and his response was to look himself up, down and around and say: “really - I’ve never noticed.” The problem is that people don’t mean to be rude and are often unimaginative so possibly the best thing to say the next time anyone comments is to simply say “oh yes” and swiftly change the subject.

Pp are right I guess that it wont mean anything to him context wise, but I am with you on people commenting on his size all time which is annoying and unnecessary.

People love to comment on size sadly, at all ages.

Big one in this family. 4 months and in 9 to 12 month clothes. His hands and feet are massive compared to other babies. Little fucker is going to cost us a fortune in shoes, I can already tell. The amount of people who comment on his size. He completely dwarfs his sister, no one can believe they are twins.