Being a dick to ask for the money back?

[Youresogolden]

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

[quote Youresogolden]@TurquoiseDragon Really hope not! Who does that[/quote]
You would be surprised at how many will take the money just because they have an opportunity. There's one person I know, who I always keep a close eye on if I'm in their vicinity.

I wouldn’t ask for a tenner back from a friend, unless they were taking the puss and doing it a lot “by accident”, but I’m lucky that I can afford not to. If I couldn’t afford to let it go, a quick text to say please could you remember that £10 you owe left on last time is absolutely fine.

I hate owing money to people. If I forgot I’d be mortified, so a reminder text would be very welcome. And I certainly wouldn’t see it as petty for a friend to ask for money that I owed them.

OP doesn't need to be skint to expect repayment. Don't give this person wiggle room with "Are you OK to pay back?" or anything she can answer no to!

I'd text ahead, "Don't forget the tenner UOme and don't forget your purse!" with maybe a wink or heart emoji.

Nobody can say no to that. If she ignores it or says she didn't get it, you know who you are dealing with.

I wouldn’t ask in advance but I would bring it up when it was time to pay the bill if she hasn’t already done so. No shame in asking for your loan back.

In my opinion, you're not being a dick to ask, I would wait until you see her to give her the chance to pay you back.

Personally I'd be grateful for the reminder as in that scary forgetful friend

I don't know would I say anything she might pay for your this time that's what would do ... otherwise she shouldn't be going for lunch od she has no money and expecting someone to pay for it every time I am wondering now what will she do maybe put up a post to let us know after the lunch 🤣

Have I missed something? Did you pay for her brunch plus she took a tenner? If so, she owes you for all of it. I'd text her for sure.

Text and remind her...nicely. That's the first step.

I once nearly forgot to pay a friend back £20 or something for a meal out, and next time I saw her, I remembered as we were saying goodbye. I was absolutely mortified that she hadn't been going to remind me.

@cittigirl

Have I missed something? Did you pay for her brunch plus she took a tenner? If so, she owes you for all of it. I'd text her for sure.

Have you read any of the OP's posts? It's very clear what went down, she had a tonic water and no brunch. OP had a croissant and fruit and a tea. Total: £12. OP paid with a £20 note and the friend took the change. You know you can sort by OP's posts only?

I'd send a text and remind her! How close are you?

Stop trying to double-guess everything and just text her! Reply to her text "laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me"^ with something along the lines of 'It's bound to slip my mind once we're there - well at least until I get my purse out and the moths fly out - so could you have my tenner ready and waiting for me? Thanks!'

"She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful" - so treat her as such and remind her.

No way should you ask before you’ve even given her the chance to give it to you without a reminder. Cringey.

I think the fact that she text you later shows that she didn't set out to take your money (or she did but then felt guilty, but I think that's less likely.) She must just be really scatty?! So it definitely seems like she intends to pay it back, but then if she's scatty enough to make that mistake in the first place I can see why you're worried she might forget to bring it with her 😆

Personally I think I'd text and say I'd lost my bank card or something, so could she bring the tenner so you can use it for your lunch.

It’s fine to send a quick reminder, not rude at all.
I’ve once been very scatty when paying whilst I was flustered once. I’m usually shit hot with money and would never try to rip anyone off but we were abroad and for some reason I ended up converting euros in my head to GBP whilst splitting a bill and got really confused. I saw my friends faces as they saw the amount I put in, and I asked what’s wrong, they said nothing. Hours and hours later I realised I had under paid and looked like a massive CF and had unintentionally pocketed their tip too. I can still cringe years later.

£10 is a lot to let go and I'm not skint. £3 or less, a different matter. You didn't give her a gift or treat her, it was a basic expense she needed money for and now you need it back for your daily expenses.

I would text a reminder, definitely. You either get the money back now or not at all - she should remember now but if you leave it a few weeks, it'll be much harder to pursue and you'll be tempted to let it go.

Oh my goodness all these people thinking that after one incidence, she is a thief and has planned it all

I did something really similar once...in fact this post reminded me and I did wonder if this was about me at first but it was years ago! I geninuely did make a mistake...I took my friend's money to pay for her food whilst she stayed at the table, and forgot to give her the change because I went to the toilet straight after I ordered, so put the money away. She did text me and I was so mortified. She said it didn't matter, but I sent her the money of course. I am scatty and forgetful, but I would always want to rectify my mistakes.

I would wait to see if she gives it back. She probably will. If not I would ask for it then.

YouMaySayImADreamer.

You are so right. Some people on here are always ready for a scrap. Never give people the benefit of the doubt. No wonder there are so many wars in the world.

I would not ask. It depends on how close you are. If you don't know each other, I would not go out with her again if she doesn't offer to buy you lunch this Friday. If you are close, I'd be careful not to get into that situation again.

Ask her.

I can’t believe the replies on here. This woman’s character being ripped to bits over a tenner!

She’s not even had the chance to pay it back yet and she’s a thief and all sorts.

Unbelievable. Surely we give everyone the benefit of the doubt? If it was me (and yes I know OP is saying she’s skint so can’t do this!) I wouldn’t say anything, I’d hope that she’d pay it back but I would know in my mind not to allow it to happen again.

Putting myself in the position of the ‘borrower’ (or thief ) I’d find it a bit galling to receive a text saying ‘remember that money you owe me’ before I’d even had the chance to see the person to give them it back. It would just seem weird if I’d already arranged payment (next time I saw them).

Totally agree it was very strange that she ended up with your money but surely you can’t assume that someone you class as a friend would intentionally try to profit from you. What an outlook to have.

Can you really be that scatty to think the change back is yours, I didn’t get it!

Can you really be so scatty as not to ask for the change back?

@tbtf

I'd text my bank details, or PayPal etc today "it'll be easier than you remembering cash on Friday"

Great idea! 👌