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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being a dick to ask for the money back?

427 replies

Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 13:30

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

OP posts:
RowanAlong · 09/06/2021 16:45

I’d just text and say honestly, ‘looking forward to seeing you, don’t suppose you could bring that tenner, as I’m a bit skint this week!’

bigbaggyeyes · 09/06/2021 16:46

I wouldn't have ever picketed change that wasn't mine 'by mistake' but that's just me.

If you feel uncomfortable asking for the money, why not text 'brunch is on you tomorrow 😊'

Personally I'd simply remind her she owes you a tenner. The text in your op was fine IMO

billy1966 · 09/06/2021 16:48

She is a new friend who never paid for her item but took the tenner change?

Scatty isn't the word that comes to mind.

I find that a bit unbelievable OP.

I would absolutely want my tenner back.
Give her the chance to give it back to you within the first 15 minutes or straight up ask.
Don't be embarrassed.
She should be absolutely mortified she didn't rectify that by PayPal immediately.

CF alarm going off here😁

NewlyGranny · 09/06/2021 16:58

I'd message her beforehand so she couldn't say she forgot and couldn't cover it. She took your change! Actually set out to get it. That's not forgetfulness, that's dishonesty.

Bet she'll have a reason not to repay you. You might have to write it off; it's not a hill to die on. Just never sub her again. Watch her - she'll do it to someone else.

hellywelly3 · 09/06/2021 17:06

There’s always one who try’s not to pay in a group, normally the richest. We had one many moons ago who would always have to dash of and just throw some money on the table usually about 1/2 of what she owed!

FunMcCool · 09/06/2021 17:07

@Youresogolden I wouldn’t ask for it back but that’s me. I can afford to loose a tenner if you can’t then you need to ask for it back. If she is a friend then she won’t think less of you.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 09/06/2021 17:10

I would send her a pleasant text asking her to bring it.
I wonder where she put your change when she took it as she didn't have her purse on her!!
You won't enjoy your day out if your sitting there worrying about the money all the time.

Feedingthebirds1 · 09/06/2021 17:10

@Beardie03

Wait until the actual playmate. Chances are she will let you have it as soon as you arrive. If not then ask
But what if the OP is skint and genuinely needs the money to pay for this Friday, and the 'friend' doesn't bring it. Do the OP and her DC go without?
user1487194234 · 09/06/2021 17:36

I would let it go
If she offers it that’s different

godmum56 · 09/06/2021 17:38

I'd text remind her nicely and then if she didn't hand it over right away at the meet up, I'd remind her again but still nicely. "Ditzy" doesn't cut it when its to do with manners

Highfivemum · 09/06/2021 17:40

I would ask before. I have a friend and we went out and I paid as she said u will pay next week as we had another lunch organized. The next week she went up ordered what she wanted and paid for it. !! So I ended up paying for my own. I wish I had said something as that was 22 pounds I could have done with but I didn’t. So yes say something. Don’t be like me.

LordOfTheOnionRings · 09/06/2021 17:44

But what if the OP is skint and genuinely needs the money to pay for this Friday, and the 'friend' doesn't bring it. Do the OP and her DC go without?

Well, if she was THAT skint, surely she wouldn't go in general. And if you're that skint that your child goes without then you wouldn't pay for someone else or let them nick your change.

FunMcCool · 09/06/2021 17:53

Hold on actually why did she take the change if she forgot her purse!?

Imnothereforthedrama · 09/06/2021 18:07

If it was me I’d let it go the £10 if it was the first time but you say your a bit skint and the whole scatty thing . I sometimes don’t buy the whole oh I’ve forgot my purse and ha ha I owe you money . Ok genuine mistake you pay back and hopefully this is that but if she doesn’t offer you know what you need to do next time .
Some people do go through life ill pay you back next time the odd £5 £10 adds up . They think nobody is bothered amount that small amount but it’s the principle sometimes.

Imnothereforthedrama · 09/06/2021 18:08

@FunMcCool

Hold on actually why did she take the change if she forgot her purse!?
She forgot that she forgot her purse. This woman has serious amnesia.
MolyHolyGuacamole · 09/06/2021 18:11

@Notaroadrunner

When you see her just say straight away "you'll be good to get my lunch today won't you, seeing as I lent you a tenner last time?" Then order a tenner worth of lunch. If she claims not to have her wallet, or if she says she only has enough for her own then you'll know never to give her money again. And while you're at it, don't give any to anyone else either unless you are prepared not to see it again.
This is what I do
TrojaninTroy · 09/06/2021 18:11

I'd be motified if someone had lent me some money (it being a clear understanding that it was a 'borrow') and I hadn't paid it back. I'd far rather that you asked for it than keep you hanging on, worried about whether you should ask.

ChangePart1 · 09/06/2021 18:14

But what if the OP is skint and genuinely needs the money to pay for this Friday, and the 'friend' doesn't bring it. Do the OP and her DC go without?

Come on now @Feedingthebirds1. OP has this person’s number. If she was that skint she could have messaged at any point asking for it to be transferred. Or when friend said she’d give it to her next time she could have said that she needed it now. OP has a lot of options here and I’m sure she’s in the best position to know whether she’s so skint the £10 is urgent or not.

user64325 · 09/06/2021 18:22

I think some of the replies about her being a thief or planned it are incredibly harsh. Personally I wouldn't be asking for a friend to pay back, and I think most people wouldn't, because it's common for friends to take it inti
turns or treat each other, but when I was younger and more skint these things were kept track of more I'm sure. As she is your friend she must know your financial circumstances so I'm sure she won't think you are tight by asking for it back.

Personally I would message 'So sorry to ask, but I'm really skint this week, can I grab that tenner back from you from last time at the café'

CommanderBurnham · 09/06/2021 18:27

Just be honest. Text her and say 'are you ok for that tenner you took last time? I'm a bit short this month and it means I can afford to have lunch with you guys. I wouldn't normally chase it but it's going to make a difference.

rookiemere · 09/06/2021 19:18

I wouldn't mention being skint - it shouldn't be embarrassing to ask back for money lent in good faith when the borrower has already made clear her intention to pay it back.

SunshineCake · 09/06/2021 20:14

Why are so many of you saying she should justify why she wants her money back by saying she's skint ? Just no.

Holidaystuff · 09/06/2021 20:21

What about 'thanks so much for offering to pay me back tomorrow, I really appreciate it'?

dopeyduck · 09/06/2021 21:50

I think just text and ask.

She may or may not have forgotten but if she is a bit scatty a text will make it easier and less embarrassing as will give her a chance to sort it.

I personally NEVER carry cash - seldom did before covid but now I definitely don't. Anyway my point is if I had forgotten then I wouldn't have cash in my purse to give so the heads up would allow me chance to bank transfer it over or go to a cash point etc.

However if I'd borrowed money in those circumstances I'd have likely had my phone on me and therefore would have said ' I have no card etc but I'll bank transfer you the money so your not short'.

If she is planning on conveniently forgetting then a reminder should hopefully make her realise she needs to pay you back.

ThirtyCharacterUsernamesOnly30 · 10/06/2021 08:41

I'd ask her for it when you meet up or send her a reminder text just before. Not necessarily because I need the £10 bit because I'd want to see her reaction to try and work out if she is actually scatty or just pretends to be so she can con people out of money.