Being a dick to ask for the money back?

[Youresogolden]

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

@WhereYouLeftIt

Stop trying to double-guess everything and just text her! Reply to her text "laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me"^ with something along the lines of 'It's bound to slip my mind once we're there - well at least until I get my purse out and the moths fly out - so could you have my tenner ready and waiting for me? Thanks!'

"She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful" - so treat her as such and remind her.

THIS. I have a friend who is incredibly scatty, and would 100% forget. A similar situation to the OP’s happened, and I decided to let it go. She remembered about 3 months later, was absolutely mortified and tried giving me double the amount back.

Lighthearted text to remind her is all that’s needed, which she will most likely be grateful for it!

I am scatty disorganised and forgetful and I would 100% do something like this. No need to text her just wait till your there is she doesn’t offer when the bill comes say ‘Newfriend is put in ten for me ’.

I would send a text. I am good at returning money but if I had forgotten and someone sent me a text I'd just apologise and sort out paying back. Don't think its a big deal. I think you should text rather than pull her up infront of a group of people

I’d just drop her a quick message the morning of, saying something like ‘hey, just a quick reminder about that tenner you owe me cos I know I’ll forget to ask for it later (toddler brain!) See you soon x’

I know it’s ‘only’ a tenner, but this would annoy me every time I saw the woman cos I’d think grrr you stole my tenner haha! It’s YOUR TENNER!

I would have said let it go if you could afford not to have it repaid, but you said you are skint, so i would text her and mention it, adding in that you are short of money.

Have you text? I kind of get the feeling you probably can’t afford to go unless she pays up (no judgement we’ve alllllll been there!!) so just ask her for it in advance. Saves anything awkward when you’re there and puts your mind at ease that you can pay xx

Thanks all, I’ve decided I’m going to wait until the morning and see 🤷🏻‍♀️

Give her the opportunity to remember, but definitely “remind” her if she forgets.

Yes - reply to the text she sent about the tenner and forgetting to give it you back, that will jog her memory, then say can you have it back tomorrow before the play date. She will remember the previous message. My brothers are like this. Then don't do it again. Some cheeky f**r stories on here to learn by!

@AuroraSophia I’ll just get a coffee if she doesn’t, there’s lots going and some don’t eat sometimes, due to fussing with kids or having a big breakfast earlier etc..so it won’t look out of place. I’m not major skint but don’t really want to spend another £10 on a brunch this week

She needs to give you that tenner back. E transfers are very easy.

I'm trying to work out a way this happened where your friend was not a scammer but I can't. During the sleep deprivation phase I could have forgotten change wasn't mine, I guess (though I've never gone to collect change from a waiter) but my text to you would have included a request for your bank details so I could pay you back that second. I can't understand laughing off taking a new friend's money.

Still unclear why you didn’t ask for the change back.

Still, makes for a better cliffhanger until you meet up and she gives a tinkly laugh and claims she forgot it.

Sounds like you’re just brassic on mat leave, it’s to be expected and I’m at that stage now myself. I’m sure she’s just scatty, but you know her well enough to know you need to text her.
‘Hey [airhead], hope you don’t mind me reminding you about that tenner I lent you last week. Are you ok to bring it tomorrow please as money is getting very tight! :)’

People NEVER forget they owe money.

Unless your friend has a habit of somehow evading payment or not paying money back that is owing, I would wait for her to offer the money. If it's not forthcoming, perhaps you could just say you are hard up and has she got your £10.

If there is any problem getting the money back, I would cool the friendship.

[quote Youresogolden]@AuroraSophia I’ll just get a coffee if she doesn’t, there’s lots going and some don’t eat sometimes, due to fussing with kids or having a big breakfast earlier etc..so it won’t look out of place. I’m not major skint but don’t really want to spend another £10 on a brunch this week[/quote]
Please don’t just get a drink, that will be her cue to say “that coffees on me Youresogolden! You bought mine the other week” and conveniently forget about filching your tenner!

You need to text her with your bank details and ask for the money up front, today. Say it will be easier than sorting out cash in the mad rush of everyone settling up their bills at the same time.

If you don't remind her beforehand, don't be surprised if she forgot again or doesn't have a tenner in her purse.

I personally wouldn't text about it, would just wait and see if she does offer to pay.

@MintyMabel ?

I said a few tuned up thread. I wasn’t sure what was happening as everyone was sat waiting for me to get my change out (waiter too) I knew I had coins which would cover just her drink, but was taking a while delving in my bag. I think she was embarrassed having to lend the money so suggested inlay with my 20 instead, which I did. It was all a confusion with keeping eyes on the kids etc, then in the midst of it she said, I’ll go and get my change and I did think ‘What?’ But it didn’t process fully, probably because of my girl playing up and everyone saying goodbyes etc. I also didn’t want to embarrass her

*A few times up thread

*I pay

Honestly she said she would give it to you at the next play date . I wouldn’t text it or mention it till she didn’t give it to me when she said .

Haven't RTFT, but how did she manage to 'accidentally' take the change when she hadn't actually paid any money?! I need enlightening on this.

Legit can’t believe that she bumped off your change. There is ditzy, sure, but that doesn’t sound ditzy that sounds klepto!