Being a dick to ask for the money back?

[Youresogolden]

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

I’ll go and get my change and I did think ‘What?’

But didn't say "my change"

Makes no sense you would just let her walk off with it.

@MintyMabel I explained what was happening at the time, I don’t know why, it wasn’t completely clear in my head until later, it was all quite confusing

@MintyMabel Not much made sense!

I don’t think I’d bother asking for it back. And I’m not flush at all

@Youresogolden

Hopefully she'll just give you back your money and all will be well. But if not, have a think about how you'll feel at this time tomorrow in the two possible scenarios:

a: You ask her for your money, wee bit embarrassing, but you've stood up for yourself. You've not been a mug.

b: You let it go because of the amount involved and resolve not to get caught like that again.

Which of those will make you feel least crap at this time tomorrow? Do that one.

I agree you're overthinking it. Just a simple polite text with a reminder is a good idea. I don't know what decent person would be offended by that.

If it was me and I'd accidentally taken someone's change I'd be mortified and would have already done a bank transfer as I'd hate people to think I was trying to take advantage.

Accidentally leave your purse at home...

You're skint. Tell her and ask her to bring your money.

Let us know what happens @Youresogolden!

I said it earlier but wasn't noted. It is possible she took the change as to lay back a straight ten pound note rather than coins.

The worst type.of people are those that borrow money and then act like you're the weird/petty one if you ask for it back. I've had that happen a few times. I like the saying 'neither a borrower or a lender be'.

@SunshineCake Sorry I didn’t see that, yes that’s def a possibility

Noone is that disorganised to think someone elses change that they used to buy you a drink is theres. I assume she is skint and desperate.

It's all a bit weird, I've never forgot my purse but even if I had, I have Apple Pay or could do bank transfer within seconds

Even if she took the change so she owed an even amount, why not transfer it back to you when she got home

I'm not scatty but would transfer it as soon as I could so I didn't forget about it

it was all quite confusing

And yet you consistently call the other person scatty?

Hope she pays you back Op.

I think you need to remind her before she gets there because she may have forgotten and may not have enough with her to repay it.

I hope she's not a CF and is just forgetful, but please be wary of her especially as she is a new friend.

She said she’d bring it so I think texting her a reminder is quite rude! She’s probably embarrassed enough that she took your change.

I’ve often paid for brunch for friends at play dates and they’ve paid for me on other occasions, we don’t keep a tally of whose turn it is.

Ffs @MintyMabel Yes, perhaps I’m scatty too, sleep deprived and with a toddler, you ok?

@MintyMabel She calls herself scatty, I’m not using it as a put down

Point being - it seems you are also "very scatty, disorganised and forgetful" if someone can run off with your change, when you are clear that you were aware she had it at the time.

you ok?

I'm fine, thanks for asking.

I'm that scatty unorganised friend and I would appreciate a reminder as I'm very forgetful and I wouldn't have an issue with a friend texting me to remind me. Having said that, I don't like borrowing money and if a friend had to pay for me because I forgot my purse, especially in front of others, I'd be so mortified I don't think I'd forget it in a hurry and would probably have messaged you first to say I have the money for you, I'll give it to you when we meet.
Is she a piss taker in general?

@Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry

I'm that scatty unorganised friend and I would appreciate a reminder as I'm very forgetful and I wouldn't have an issue with a friend texting me to remind me. Having said that, I don't like borrowing money and if a friend had to pay for me because I forgot my purse, especially in front of others, I'd be so mortified I don't think I'd forget it in a hurry and would probably have messaged you first to say I have the money for you, I'll give it to you when we meet. Is she a piss taker in general?

Would you accidentally take someone else's change thinking that it was yours, even though you didn't have a purse and someone else had paid for you?

@MintyMabel Is there an issue? Wondering why you are looking for an argument..over what?! 🤷🏻‍♀️