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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get different things for different children

110 replies

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:07

For my daughters birthday I bought her a swing set and slide, due to the weight limit it means only my daughter and son can use it and the eldest can’t, according to my mum that is unfair and I should only buy things all the children can use and it’s a “waste of money” yet it was a birthday present for dd so never intended to be a sharing present, does everyone else only buy things that all kids can use? Which is hard to do when there is 6 years between the oldest and youngest

OP posts:
shouldistop · 09/06/2021 12:08

I wouldn't involve your mum on these decisions.

With a 6 year gap there will be plenty they can't have or do together.

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:09

I wouldn’t involve her and never asked for her opinion, she seen it in the garden

OP posts:
shouldistop · 09/06/2021 12:10

How did she know about the weight limit? She sounds a bit like my mum, nosey with too many opinions on things that don't involve her Grin

Yanbu to have bought it.

Floralnomad · 09/06/2021 12:11

It’s perfectly ok to buy them different things but if you have 2 children that both would like to use a swing / slide it seems a bit silly to buy something that only one of them can use .

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:11

Because she asked why dd wasn’t going on it and I told her she couldn’t due to the limit, we were all sitting in the garden

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:12

I should add that dd has a trampoline so it’s not like she doesn’t have anything, and the youngest doesn’t use that (because she doesn’t want to not because she can’t)

OP posts:
Shoppingwithmother · 09/06/2021 12:12

I think it’s a tricky thing to have bought for just one child. It will be a bit odd to have a swing and slide in your children’s garden that one of your kids can’t go on at all, one of them owns it, and one of them can presumably only go on if their sibling lets them!
That sort of thing would surely have been better to have bought for the whole family, and to have bought one that the weight limit would be high enough for all the children.

Aprilx · 09/06/2021 12:15

I don’t generally think birthday presents are for sharing. But I think getting something permanent for the garden that one of the children can’t use is a bit mean, it seems like the wrong choice for a birthday present and something for the garden could ha e been more inclusive.

4bluebabies · 09/06/2021 12:15

Very much depending on age of the kids I’d not have bought an item of that type they couldn’t all use - for longevity if nothing else , it does seem mean if the eldest has no swing / slide and is of the age when she’d still be interested .

CompanyCrowdFight · 09/06/2021 12:16

yet it was a birthday present for dd so never intended to be a sharing present

This is just strange. It's a large garden toy. Do you have space for three swing sets? Why would you not buy something that is suitable for all of them? And why would a large garden toy be for one child only? Surely that will cause countless arguments and create discord between the siblings?

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:17

Couldnt get much else due to size of the garden is small as eldest dd trampoline takes up most of the space, I got the swing because youngest dd loves the swing at the park.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:18

There’s not been any arguments 😕 for the millionth time my eldest has a trampoline so it’s not like she doesn’t have anything

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 09/06/2021 12:19

But if the younger ones want to go on the trampoline would you expect the older one to share

Aprilx · 09/06/2021 12:33

@LoopTheLoops

There’s not been any arguments 😕 for the millionth time my eldest has a trampoline so it’s not like she doesn’t have anything
So what if she has a trampoline, just because she has a trampoline it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like swings. It’s the garden, the things in there need to be shared, I cant believe you thought this was ok.

The wording in your first post is really distorting the facts, because nobody thinks all presents should be shard, including I am sure your mother, the issue is you have fitted the garden out to leave one child out.

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:34

Dd would happily share if dd2 wanted to go on, they all have various things thats there’s only like dds iPad, that she doesn’t share with the youngest, my sons PlayStation that the youngest can’t play ... and so on

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:34

Oh I’m evil for buying my youngest a swing for her birthday 🙄

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 09/06/2021 12:36

Of course. The older DC will be interested in lots of different things before the little ones, should you refuse it unless they can all get it? DM is being silly.

Hoppinggreen · 09/06/2021 12:39

I wouldn’t buy a large garden toy designed for communal use as a birthday present for 1 child

Whyhello · 09/06/2021 12:40

Ridiculous. There’s a ten year gap between my eldest and youngest, perhaps I should inform my 11 year old that in future he’ll only get baby toys for his birthday so his brother can enjoy them too Hmm.

GiantToadstool · 09/06/2021 12:41

I wouldn't buy a garden toy that couldntbe shared, no...

amusedbush · 09/06/2021 12:42

There are six years between me and my younger brother. When we were growing up he had his toys, I had mine. He had a coupe car, a chunky plastic slide and a ride-on tractor thing that I was too big for and I didn't care. I was outgrowing toys by the time he was big enough to play on those sorts of things anyway.

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:45

So it’s only garden toys that must be shared then? Because the garden is “communal” ? all rooms in my house a communal tbh, my living room is communal and my son has a PlayStation that his little sister is not allowed on.

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 09/06/2021 12:45

I wouldn't put anything in the garden that isn't robust enough for all of them and various friends that come over.

I'm not saying you're evil Hmm it'd just an accident waiting to happen here.

wakeandfake · 09/06/2021 12:47

You asked a question @LoopTheLoops and now you're getting pissy because some people don't agree with you.

cindarellasbelly · 09/06/2021 12:49

I think it depends a bit on what the sing is like - we have a 'baby' slide we got when my daughter was 18 months there's no way anyone would think a 7 year old would go on it. But if its a 'proper' swing set it is a bit weird that the eldest couldn't use it at all, assuming she's not 15. I think there's a bit distinction between a present that's designed to be used by one person and therefore not shared, and a present that is usually designed to be used by lots. Most people would view garden toys as 'family' purchases, I'm sure when our eldest outgrows the trampoline the youngest will stop using it.

But that's just because I'd assume you could have got something that would work for both - we got a wing and slide set for my daughter that you can swop a swing out for an older one mostly for longevity, and it supports my weight (though not my husbands) If you can really only fit in one of the very 'young' ones then fair enough, though then again I'd wonder why your mum would question it as I would have thought it would be obvious the eldest couldn't go on it.