Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get different things for different children

110 replies

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:07

For my daughters birthday I bought her a swing set and slide, due to the weight limit it means only my daughter and son can use it and the eldest can’t, according to my mum that is unfair and I should only buy things all the children can use and it’s a “waste of money” yet it was a birthday present for dd so never intended to be a sharing present, does everyone else only buy things that all kids can use? Which is hard to do when there is 6 years between the oldest and youngest

OP posts:
EveningOverRooftops · 09/06/2021 14:50

Sharing presents are bollocks.

My DC got a shared birthday gift once they never ever played with as it wasn’t at my house.

Shared gifts are a cop out and unfairly hit one or both kids.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 14:53

The thing about garden toys like swing sets etc. is that you can usually only have one of them. So fine to give the younger ones a swing but what if the older one asks for one for her next birthday? And yes, one answer is that it's good life practice to teach children that they can't always have what they want but the reality is that if there are no suitable garden toys for the older one, they are more likely to stay inside in front of a screen rather than coming out to play.

3Britnee · 09/06/2021 14:53

I'd have got one that could take everyone's weight.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/06/2021 14:55

I think you should ignore the majority of comments. This is why kids are mainly brats today.

Ignoring people who disagree with you is why most adults are thick as mince today.

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 14:56

She has a trampoline so she isn’t inside at all times, she can ask for a swing but she will have to learn you don’t always get what you ask for, my 4 year old asked for a PC, I told her no! Simple.

OP posts:
manysummersago · 09/06/2021 14:57

Well, you’re obviously not remotely unreasonable Hmm

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/06/2021 15:05

@EveningOverRooftops

Sharing presents are bollocks.

My DC got a shared birthday gift once they never ever played with as it wasn’t at my house.

Shared gifts are a cop out and unfairly hit one or both kids.

@EveningOverRooftops

I agree, for birthdays.
why should a birthday gift for one person be ever expected to be shared in the first place? it's their bloody birthday, their present.
"here's your gift darling, but you must share it" wtaf????
who does that?

Hoppinggreen · 09/06/2021 15:12

So by “sensible” you mean agree with you?
Nobody has had a go at you or called you names, some people have just said they personally have a different opinion.
You’re a bit rude frankly

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 15:16

I don't think birthday gifts have to be shared as such but some gifts are inherently unsuitable as birthday gifts if they can't be shared. If I was given a sofa as a birthday present but was told that DH was too heavy to sit on it, it would be massively unreasonably to put it in our living room and make him sit on a chair the whole time. It feels like the same applies to a garden shared between 3 children... if it's a small space and a large proportion of that space is being taken up by something that only two children can use, that feels unreasonable.

Sweettea1 · 09/06/2021 15:29

Sounds a bit mean oldest can't go on it but can sit an watch younger sister on it tho yes she has a trampoline but what child doesn't like swings. How old is she? Am I the the only person that doesnt look at the weight limit. My 13 year old ds will park his big butt on dd swing yes he is 2 big for it but never crossed my mind to check if he is to heavy.

JustWonderingIfYou · 09/06/2021 15:31

Sounds like either you bought a shit swing set or have an obese child. Most of them have high weigh limits enough for large dads to join in.

Seems mean to buy something that excludes one child but includes 2. I'd have bought a better swing set.

HeartvsBrain · 09/06/2021 15:34

Please can we have like and dislike buttons MN? Then posters could get a real idea of how many people agree and disagree with them.
ps. I do know that this gets requested lots of times, but for those of us who really want this facility, if we never ask, we will never get it...

Sweettea1 · 09/06/2021 15:50

Just read all your comments op it seems ridiculous that you have all big toys In garden that can be shared but are dedicated to 1 child you will need two of everything then it seems to keep things fair. A paddling pool for 1 of them what does other child do while 1 is in pool gets to watch. Honest of God yes the swing is youngest daughters the children know whose it is but surely you could of got one with heavier weight limit so older child can play now and again.

BogRollBOGOF · 09/06/2021 16:03

DS2 often gets outdoor things for his spring birthday. DS1 is 2 years older so they overlap substantially in interests and I didn't buy that kind of thing until it wasn't a hazard to have around DS2. DS1's birthday is around Christmas so no point in buying that kind of thing then as he wouldn't use it for a good 3 months until around DS2's birthday.

I buy to their interests but don't rigourously police ownership. Special things like cuddly toys yes, but with things like pokemon cards or Lego it's impossible and I wouldn't stand by the slide or trampoline policing DS1 because they were bought for DS2's birthday. We're pretty communal or have duplicates about most things and it works well.

I'm not sure that I'd have bought a swing in this context as if it's for a 4yo but not suitable for a 10yo, the longevity can't be very good. As a small adult I usually fall in the weight guide of most children's play equipment aimed beyond the toddler years.
If it was a small toddler item, I probably would as there's a clear distinction between ages, but a swing for a 4-10yo has too much blurring of boundaries and that's awkward to manage.

fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 16:10

She is completely ridiculous.

If you can only buy "sharable" items when there's a large gap (or any gap), you won't have much left...

That exclude bikes, cars, phones, computers, sport equipment, little Tike cars... the list is endless. I can't even picture how that would work, especially with 6 years difference 😂

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 16:15

It’s not massive I think people are imagining a huge swing set, it’s tiny like a toddler thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 16:18

HeartvsBrain

We have a vote button and seems most of the votes agree with me but the comments are the opposite!

OP posts:
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/06/2021 16:19

@HeartvsBrain

Please can we have like and dislike buttons MN? Then posters could get a real idea of how many people agree and disagree with them. ps. I do know that this gets requested lots of times, but for those of us who really want this facility, if we never ask, we will never get it...
@HeartvsBrain

hells no.
unfortunately it's been asked, but hopefully we'll never get it

ElderMillennial · 09/06/2021 16:19

I think in most cases there will be an age gap between children so it would often be the case that the younger children can use things the older ones can't and vice versa

Maybe she meant if it is a large or expensive purchase you could have bought something they could all use but depending on the ages it simply might not have been possible and it's up to you what you do

BackBeatTheWordisOnTheStreet · 09/06/2021 16:33

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

I don't think birthday gifts have to be shared as such but some gifts are inherently unsuitable as birthday gifts if they can't be shared. If I was given a sofa as a birthday present but was told that DH was too heavy to sit on it, it would be massively unreasonably to put it in our living room and make him sit on a chair the whole time. It feels like the same applies to a garden shared between 3 children... if it's a small space and a large proportion of that space is being taken up by something that only two children can use, that feels unreasonable.
Basically this. If I gave a child a bike or small toy I wouldn't expect them to share it but a large piece of play equipment would certainly be shared. It would be very strange to have it in the garden and only one child be allowed to use it.
Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 16:35

Would it be strange to get a trampoline and only one child can play on it because the other is too small?

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 16:37

I’ve just checked and dds trampoline is for age 6 and over? I guess I’m terrible for buying that given dd 2 can’t go on it, luckily she doesn’t want to, like dd 1 doesn’t ask to go on the swing Hmm

OP posts:
fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 16:39

I could vaguely understand a "Christmas present" being sharable - when at least some of the kids are little enough to believe in Santa,

but a BIRTHDAY present?
How ridiculous.

Older kids are not interested in baby or young child stuff anyway!

Does it mean that bigger purchase (like a playhouse) cannot be a present but are just a purchase for no reason? Confused

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 16:42

You can’t buy your kids a big present unless they can all use it! That’s the rules

OP posts:
manysummersago · 09/06/2021 16:42

No one has said you’re terrible except you.