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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get different things for different children

110 replies

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:07

For my daughters birthday I bought her a swing set and slide, due to the weight limit it means only my daughter and son can use it and the eldest can’t, according to my mum that is unfair and I should only buy things all the children can use and it’s a “waste of money” yet it was a birthday present for dd so never intended to be a sharing present, does everyone else only buy things that all kids can use? Which is hard to do when there is 6 years between the oldest and youngest

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/06/2021 12:49

@LoopTheLoops

There’s not been any arguments 😕 for the millionth time my eldest has a trampoline so it’s not like she doesn’t have anything
You asked what other people’s opinion is/what they do and some people have said they think differently to you. Nobody called you evil, stop being so bloody dramatic.
RestingPandaFace · 09/06/2021 12:51

YANBU to get different things for different children, but I wouldn’t personally get a swing set only 2 of 3 could use, unless the oldest was too old for swings etc. It’s a bit different to a toy that’s designed to be played with alone.

wineandcheeseplease · 09/06/2021 12:55

Buying one that 2/3 can use isn't fair. It wasn't 2's birthday but they can still use it but one can't.

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 09/06/2021 13:00

I wouldn’t as my eldest is 4 and wouldn’t understand and would be upset but if your eldest is old enough to understand that she has a trampoline and her sibling has a swing then fine. We have stuff in our garden that the youngest can’t use; obviously in the future he can but it’s not massively different to that

looptheloopinahulahoop · 09/06/2021 13:11

@LoopTheLoops

Oh I’m evil for buying my youngest a swing for her birthday 🙄
No, but a little badly advised to buy a swing with such a small weight limit. Surely a standard one takes up the same amount of garden space but can take more weight?
Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 13:16

where the swing is is on a patio, as the only grass Area is where the trampoline is, so I had to get one that didn’t require being cemented in as that wouldn’t be possible (garden has an odd lay out)

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 13:17

Thinking about It more dd2 has a play house in the garden that dd1 can no longer fit in (the Wendy house style) probably should get rid of that as well seeing as it’s unfair

OP posts:
2bazookas · 09/06/2021 13:19

" Should I buy my 5 yr old daughter a Frozen fancy dress which won't fit my 10 yr old son". "Should I buy my 15 yr old daughter makeup, is that fair to our 3 yr old twin sons".

Get a grip.

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 13:20

Apparently the rule only applies to garden toys 🤔

OP posts:
GiantToadstool · 09/06/2021 13:20

How old are the kids?

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 13:24

4 and 10

OP posts:
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/06/2021 13:25

I never cared about buying equal stuff.
one man's treasure...
everyone has different likes/wants/needs.
even if I bought things to share not all will use it an equal amount.

and especially for a birthday gift! it's for your DD. you didn't buy it so she can share it with everyone - your middle one being able to use it is potluck for him.

stick to your guns, ignore your mum

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/06/2021 13:28

@LoopTheLoops

Thinking about It more dd2 has a play house in the garden that dd1 can no longer fit in (the Wendy house style) probably should get rid of that as well seeing as it’s unfair
yup!! and get rid of everything only your DS1 can use as that's unfair on your other kids!

in fact get rid of your car - how dare you drive it while your children are missing out?
no booze either for you.
can't share, can't have!

😉

Original poster
LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 13:29

I’m honestly surprised how many people think it 😂😂 when dd1 grows out of stuff that means dd 2 isn’t allowed it either because it’s not fair on dd1!

OP posts:
diamondpony80 · 09/06/2021 13:30

Shared presents really only work when the kids are close in age and have the same interests. DD and DS have 10 years between them so they've never had a shared present. 6 years is a pretty significant gap too so it's unlikely they'd like the same things.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 09/06/2021 13:33

6 years is a big gap with toys. YANBU to buy toys for small children for your small child.

Most large garden toys are aimed at a large range of ages though, which can confuse matters. Most swings for 4yos could be used by a 10yo. We have one that can be used by a toddler or an adult. But if that's what you had space for...

(Large thing are usually joint presents here, by only 20 month gap!)

BackBeatTheWordisOnTheStreet · 09/06/2021 13:35

She sounds barmy. Of course I would expect the swing set to be used by all kids within the right age range even if it is DD's pressie but your mum;s barmy to suggest you can't buy age appropriate toys for DD because they won't be age appropriate for the older one (who probably has no interest in a toddler swing set anyway).

Hallyup6 · 09/06/2021 13:37

Fwiw I've never checked weight limits. I try to make things equal between my kids but it just isn't possible sometimes.

For people saying the 10 year old would be expected to share the trampoline, mine says not for under 6s so the younger child shouldn't be on it anyway.

Do what you think best and ignore everyone else. I'd let them both on everything unless the older one was physically too big.

SparrowNest · 09/06/2021 13:38

I probably wouldn’t buy a garden swing set that my 4 year old could use and my 10 year old couldn’t, just because that seems like the kind of thing all kids could get years of use out of so it seems more sensible to get a proper one. I understand what you’re saying about the garden layout being a limitation, though.

I guess if something more sturdy wasn’t possible and the 10 year old doesn’t seem fussed, it’s fine. Do agree with PP about it being an accident waiting to happen if older kids come over the visit, though.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/06/2021 13:38

@LoopTheLoops

I should buy my youngest a bottle of gin for his 7th birthday.
I'm buying that for my 20 yo! it's only fair!

DinaofCloud9 · 09/06/2021 13:39

Stop being so dramatic. You asked a question and people are answering by with their own opinions Hmm

AgathaAllAlong · 09/06/2021 13:40

You asked the question, no point getting annoyed at the answers!

I also think it was an ill judged gift IF your older DD would like to go on the swing and slide too. Presumably your youngest daughter cannot go on the playstation because she can't be trusted not to break it? If she were old enough, would you want your son to share, would you buy her a playstation of her own or would you tell her tough it;s not yours? I think the first two options are reasonable, the third is unfair. I see the swing as the same. Something big like that should be for everyone IF they would all like to go on it.

BackBeatTheWordisOnTheStreet · 09/06/2021 13:40

The only thing I would say is that It would probably have been more financially/space efficient to get one they could all use but then maybe DD particularly wanted the small one.

GiantToadstool · 09/06/2021 13:43

I dont think anyone has said all toys should be shared (even your mum!) So you're arguing against a false argument.

Some of us would make sure purchases such as swingsets are things that can be shared. That would be usual in my circle
Some people wouldn't 🤷

Don't see the need to ridicule your mum. It was a valid point but one you've taken a different perspective on. No big thing.

44PumpLane · 09/06/2021 13:46

You're drip feeding info OP!

From your first post it does sound daft that you wouldn't buy a garden swing and slide with a bit more longevity ie. Big enough for them all and then your youngest would get longer use out if it.

But given you've now gone on to say the only space available means it can't be cemented in and is on slab so it can't be staked in, then yes it feels sensible to buy a smaller swing for the younger one to use.

Likewise if you'd bought one of those super short baby swings and the £15 Chad Valley slides as your youngest was a tot then that alao seems sensible.

However if you had a bit of space and had a 6 year old, 8 year old and 12 year old (for example) I'd find it odd to buy a swing and slide that had a weight limit excluding the 12 year old given the ready availability of swings that would be suitable for them all.

It's all about context!