Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To get different things for different children

110 replies

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 12:07

For my daughters birthday I bought her a swing set and slide, due to the weight limit it means only my daughter and son can use it and the eldest can’t, according to my mum that is unfair and I should only buy things all the children can use and it’s a “waste of money” yet it was a birthday present for dd so never intended to be a sharing present, does everyone else only buy things that all kids can use? Which is hard to do when there is 6 years between the oldest and youngest

OP posts:

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 09/06/2021 13:49

I'd struggle if I could only buy toys that they could all use. And the oldest would be without a car!

I have a 10 year old , I also have garden toys he can't go on as they are for my 4 and 2 year old grandchildren. He's not bothered in the slightest

bridgetreilly · 09/06/2021 13:50

There are six years between them! Of course it's perfectly fine to buy them things that not all of them can/want to use, when it's a birthday gift for one of them.

Original poster

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 13:53

How on earth is that a drip feed 😂😂😂 people asked why I didn’t get a bigger one. That’s not a drip feed.

Thank goodness the sensible people have arrived as I was wondering where it ends! Dd2 has a paddling pool and dd1 can no longer fit in it, due to space we can’t get any bigger (drip feed alert. 🙄) does that mean dd 2 shouldn’t be allowed a paddling pool because we can’t get a bigger one for dd1 even though she had her own one when she was little

OP posts:

Juneisjoyful · 09/06/2021 13:54

So should dd not have a bike if the youngest can't ride yet?
Or the dc not have food because a baby isn't weaned? Your dm is nuts.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 13:56

It's a bit odd because it's swings. With big toys like swings, climbing frame, sandpit, I would want to get something all the children would use and the youngest would grow into.

But it sounds like your option wasn't swings for younger ones versus swings for everyone but swings for the younger ones versus no swings at all. And there's no reason why the little ones should miss out just to make it "fair" to your oldest, who will get to do lots of things that they can't do.

Original poster

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 13:56

GiantToadstool

Her exact words were it was a waste of money because they can’t all use it and I should only buy things that they can all use. So yes that is what my op is about should I only buy things that all kids can use.

OP posts:

aSofaNearYou · 09/06/2021 13:56

I think two issues are getting mixed up into one here which is why the responses are not what you expected. I think most agree that it's fine to get things for just one of them, but at the same time most people probably automatically buy shared things for the garden. The two are not linked, nothing wrong with your approach to gift giving.

Original poster

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 13:58

Yes I can see that some people only think it applies to garden toys, I don’t get it personally but ok, as anything dd grows out of will be unfair to keep then if she can’t use it and the younger one can.

OP posts:

MaryShelley1818 · 09/06/2021 14:00

I'm really not sure why you posted? Presumably only to get people to agree with you, I don't understand your anger at people who have different opinions.
With those ages I would have bought something they could all use. But that's me.
If you're happy you've made the right decision it's really irrelevant how many of us disagree.

FourTeaFallOut · 09/06/2021 14:03

Oh God, op. Yes, some people have a different opinion to you. You don't have to get it. It's allowed.

gingerandproud4always · 09/06/2021 14:05

Jesus.. are you one of those posters who is right no matter what??

Original poster

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 14:06

I’m not angry Maybe it’s hard to tell the tone from words but no I’m not angry, I’m answering questions, the options weren’t to get one that suits all etc it was one for dd (it’s a tiny swing set I don’t know what others are imagining) there was never the option to get one for everyone so it was either a small one for dd or none at all

OP posts:

Juneisjoyful · 09/06/2021 14:08

Would your oldest perhaps be your dm's favourite?

Caspianberg · 09/06/2021 14:10

I do thing that’s a bit odd for things like a swing. 4 and 10 are both ages for a swing.

If you had bought 10 year old a baby swing, little Wendy house, bike etc when they were small and they gradually outgrew then that’s different.
But a 4 and 6 year old go on the same style and size swing usually as 10 year old so I would have bought something suitable for all and so it would last. Otherwise the 4 year old who’s gift it was anyway will outgrow a swing before 10 which seems daft. I still go on swings with baby Ds on my lap and I would assume they would be designed to take my weight for a big standard swing.

No not everything has to suit everyone, but when I buy stuff I do assume things will be passed down, or last a long time. So would buy things with the other children in mind to an extend. Ie PlayStation you mentioned, i wouldn’t mind spend extra on that for oldest birthday as would assume at some point the younger ones would grow up and start being able to share it.

Zilla1 · 09/06/2021 14:11

HNRTT but depending on age, I expect your eldest might not be impressed with their next/first mobile phone you buy them that is also suitable for their 6 year younger sibling to share though I'm told some Fisher Price toys can be almost as much fun as an iPhone (perhaps send a link to your DM with a Fisher Price toy phone telling her this is what your thinking of getting your eldest based on her opinion?). Would you need a paddling pool suitable for an elder sibling? A see saw? Wendy house? There are some things that might be share-able and some where age appropriateness might be more important. Does your DM have favourites or is she genuinely interested in (an arguably misguided view of) fairness?

FourTeaFallOut · 09/06/2021 14:11

Yes, fine. You made the most of what you had available. Fine. I'm not sure what all the confusion is about other people buying only shared equipment in their own gardens. It's like you have decided it's wrong in principle and won't relent till everyone agrees.

manysummersago · 09/06/2021 14:15

Rudest OP ever

Original poster

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 14:16

Where have I been rude? These comments are strange.

OP posts:

AmyDudley · 09/06/2021 14:16

I don't see anything wrong with that - when you have an age gap (my two are 5 yrs apart) lots of things are not shared, including sometimes outings and entertainments as well as toys.
And lots of things in the garden are for different ages. My older son didn't want to ride his little sister's sit on fire engine up and don the garden, and she was too little to use things like his skateboard or pogo stick.
We had a climbing frame for the garden, but DS was too big for the swing part - although fine on the bars etc. He wasn't bothered, we rigged up a swing from a tree for him to use - but then again he was old enough to go to the park with friends and use the bigger kids stuff there, and if he'd had a trampoline in the garden I imagine he'd have thought he;d got a pretty good deal.

Bottom line - it's none of your Mum;s business, and I'd ask her to stop trying to stir up trouble where there is none.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/06/2021 14:18

@manysummersago

Rudest OP ever

@manysummersago

🤣🤣
not even close

DeathToCovid · 09/06/2021 14:35

I think you should ignore the majority of comments. This is why kids are mainly brats today. Ignore your mum too, you’ve bought one of the young children a birthday present you know they will like, as long as the younger 2 aren’t banned from using it there is no issue here, the DC seems young enough to not be too bothered about sharing their birthday present, when they’re older that will probably become an issue though. Your eldest DD probably won’t even be interested in the swing/slide set, if she’s not bothered then you shouldn’t be either! So many judgmental arseholes!

FourTeaFallOut · 09/06/2021 14:42

Hold on... Kids are mostly brats now BECAUSE they are encouraged to share outdoor play equipment with their siblings? Is that right?

Hankunamatata · 09/06/2021 14:44

Garden toys - I probably would have got a wooden set that could have taken the weight of all the kids.

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/06/2021 14:48

A garden toy is a sharing present, though... I'd never buy something like that for an individual child's birthday, regardless of whether they could all use it or not.

Original poster

LoopTheLoops · 09/06/2021 14:48

Once again, no room for it otherwise I would have, I will ask dd if she wants to get rid of the trampoline to get a wooden set but I can already guess the answer In fact she was asked before I bought the trampoline if she preferred a trampoline or a climbing frame

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5