To ask if these are suitable chores for a teenager?

[yoyo1234]

I think it is time to get my eldest to help out a bit around the house and start to take some responsibility for themselves.
Currently they do not make their own breakfast, pack their own school bag, make their bed, put their laundry in the laundry bin..... Basically we do everything they even get breakfast in bed (a lot of the time).
I was thinking get their own breakfast, pack own school bag, make bed etc in morning. Once per week make a simple meal for family (they tell us what they want to prepare we get ingredients and help), maybe at weekend do 1 hour gardening and do one dishwasher and washing machine load (to help gain independence).

@LadyCatStark

Breakfast in bed?? WTF?? And packing a 15 year old’s school bag? 😵 I’m embarrassed for the poor kid! Yes they should absolutely be responsible for getting themselves completely ready for school, their own room and a few chores.

You say your eldest, how old are your other children because they should probably be doing all of this too!

Most 15 year olds don't want their parents packing their bags in case they see something they shouldn't see!

At 15 I could go to work & DD would do all the housework & have made a start on dinner for me getting home during the school holidays!

I accept DD did more than most kids at a young age (she's been changing her own & her sisters bed linen since she was 6 & fully doing her own laundry/ironing since 13/14) but at 15 to not even be capable of sorting their own breakfast or packing a school bag is ridiculous!

I had a friend at uni who was totally useless. Didn't know you had to wash up your dishes, couldn't organise himself to turn up to stuff on time. Had never used a washing machine. Once got a train to Liverpool Lime Street instead of London Liverpool Street.

It turned out his mum used to pack his school bag for him and leave it directly in front of the door otherwise he'd leave without it. He was so coddled and couldn't cope on his own!

I scrolled through the entire thread to make sure i don't miss anything, like special needs, or something.
Breakfast in bed? This surely must be a joke?

This is unbelievable. I did more than this when I was 8, never mind 15!

Given you must have been 15 at some stage, I'm surprised you have to ask.

At 15 they need to be essentially totally independent. Not to the extent that they do everything for themselves, but they need the ability to do so.

They need to know how to make their own meals, do their own washing and ironing, be able to look after siblings or pets, make drinks, get up by themselves, get dressed, do their own homework, go to bed. They should also know how to clean any room in the house and ideally do so without having to be asked a few times a week.

It's not outrageous that a sensible 15 year old could be left home alone for a night. At 16 or 17 I'd be surprised if they haven't.

I really hope this ship hasn't sailed, because I don't see how any one could claw their way to holding down any responsibility if they haven't been conditioned with the basics. I feel for whoever has to live with her in the future.

If she can't do this how do you expect her to cope with any sort of job when she turns 16?

And packing the school bag is completely nuts!! They're entitled to privacy at that age and I would have gone off it if my parents went through my bags for no reason at that age. That's incredibly violating and in all honesty, it sounds like you and her father haven't treated her properly at all.

Interesting thread, my 13 year old does her own bag and has done since about age 9,however I wouldn't be comfortable with her going near the stove in attended and whilst she can do the dishwasher she doesn't we don't ask her too.

She wipes certain things down once a week.

However one of my issues is dh, if I ask dd to do something extra he'll act like I've asked her rebuild the house and speak to me like I'm the devil and dive in and do it for her!!

But not doing something things doesn't mean they will leave home without being Bme to do it.
People come to things at different times.

My older dd is an amazing student and works hard without any pressure or nagging from me and that's my priority so on the other side I'm much more lenient and I think she can do it.

Other dd needs a small job but, she's struggling at school so id rather save time and rewards for her working on that than cleaning the house.

@ICanSmellSummerComing does she not do food tech at school?

Yes she did but shes cack handed, leans into stove, forgets thing are hot and does this odd thing like sort of comes at something a few times before touching it

Whatever you do, get them doing something quickly. Your 15 yo will be 18 before you know it and needs to know how to adult. Sounds like my partner, his mum and dad basically wiped his arse for him at 16 until I came along and made him move out and grow up

Washing pots? Doing their own laundry?

Probably wouldn't bother with the cooking thing unless they show an interest. I wouldn't want a kid cooking for me I like it a specific way XD

@ICanSmellSummerComing

Yes she did but shes cack handed, leans into stove, forgets thing are hot and does this odd thing like sort of comes at something a few times before touching it

Sounds like she needs the opportunity to gain some more confidence in the kitchen.

Wow.

I thought I ran round after my kids but I haven't made anybody's breakfast or their bed since they were about 8 or 9.

Laundry basket in room is the shout - that's what persuaded ds2 to put his washing somewhere helpful rather than just on his floor. He's 18 but has been doing that since at least 12yo and it has been expected for longer! Mine have all changed their bedding for several years (I recall DD going on a Brownie sleepover, so aged 8-9, and being able to do it when lots could not) as well.

OP do you really pack a 15yo's schoolbag? If so it's certainly time to stop. I recall a call from school when ds2 was 11/12 - he has forgotten his cooking stuff, can you bring it? Errr no, being as I am a 20 minute drive away, he can walk home (2 mins) and get it! I mean they had to ask me for safeguarding reasons, fair enough, but even if I were here, he can go and fetch it himself!

So to sum up - no YABU, except to ever make breakfast in bed for anyone!

Mine also did most of these things in primary school. Starting secondary school meant changing own beds, hoovering bedrooms & starting to do own laundry.

At 15 DSD was getting herself up, fed, house locked up and out to school alone because her dad and I were leaving the house at 6 and 7am respectively and for some reason she wasn't up for that!

She's also perfectly capable of, though rarely does without prompting, any and all laundry, housecleaning and tidying. There's an ongoing conflict of standards, but we're reasonably confident that she will neither starve nor live in total squalor come September (and if we send enough multivitamins with her will avoid scurvy, too).

DS2 already takes his clothes to his laundry basket and "cleans up" his tray at mealtimes, and is currently tidier than me thanks to nursery's rigorous enforcement of tidy-up-time.

None of it was ever set up as chores though, it was just part of everyday household functioning. Actual chores for DSD are the bins and the cat box. And the cat box is going as soon as the catflap goes in.

This is hilarious

At age 11 my mother worked afternoons. I had to:-

Keep my room tidy
Strip bed and bring washing down
Set table each evening
Wash dishes after most meals
Prepare the vegetables and put them on to cook
Prepare my own bag for school
Run errands at weekends
Help with ironing
Let my younger sister in and make her a sandwich after school

I'm shocked you're only starting this.
My 5 year old
Loads the dishwasher and helps unload
Put his washing in the basket
Puts his own clothes away
Picks snacks for his lunch box
Puts washing into the machine (I fill out the detergent and he puts it in the right bit and turns it on)
Takes out recycling

My 5 year old has his own laundry basket in his room and helps with the dishwasher and washing machine etc.

Breakfast in bed at 15? He should be making it for you!

Gobsmacked!!!

Lets hope they dont choose thee forces as a career! Or god forbid become a teenage parent!

I have a 15 year old. He gets himself up every day, gets breakfast, makes his packed lunch, makes his bed and strips/remakes it once a week, he does the dishes and empties the dishwasher every day (along with his 12 year old brother), puts washing in the basket, puts away clean washing, dusts and hoovers his bedroom and anywhere else I ask.

He was off for 2 days this week and pressure washed the garden then painted the shed and fence for a bit of extra pocket money.

By 15 they should be able to do pretty much everything by themselves with minimal guidance.

@Dutch1e

I expect you've read enough posts about how you should shove DH into a time machine to do it all differently. The list below is what my 10 yr old does five days a week (he is very money motivated so is paid €10 each week + extra for heavier occasional work). Maybe you could introduce one of these tasks every 2 months, with 2 weeks of training/oversight and 6 weeks of hands-on practice?

My son is homeschooled though, which gives us much more time to get through things. Our deal is that I pay for daily tasks with energy like reminding/nagging or I pay with money. Either way he does the work:
Get dressed and make bed
Vacuum one room
Clean one significant surface
Tidy a significant area
Wash/hang one load of family laundry (excluding sheets & towels as they're too heavy)
Fold and put away the previous day's dry load

The list is deliberately vague so that he notices what needs to be done in his home instead of waiting for instructions.

This year we will add meal planning & budgeting as well as light cooking.

Normal clearing & tidying up after ourselves isn't paid.

Would a starter list like that be useful to you?

This is very interesting!

My 7 year old does more than that op .
The gardening is but much maybe but you are waiting on them hand and foot

15?! My autistic son has been doing all of that since he was 8/9. At 16 they can leave home/join the army/get a job, it’s not like they’re babies!