To ask if these are suitable chores for a teenager?

[yoyo1234]

I think it is time to get my eldest to help out a bit around the house and start to take some responsibility for themselves.
Currently they do not make their own breakfast, pack their own school bag, make their bed, put their laundry in the laundry bin..... Basically we do everything they even get breakfast in bed (a lot of the time).
I was thinking get their own breakfast, pack own school bag, make bed etc in morning. Once per week make a simple meal for family (they tell us what they want to prepare we get ingredients and help), maybe at weekend do 1 hour gardening and do one dishwasher and washing machine load (to help gain independence).

I can't decide if I'm old enough to start with "when I was a young warthog" stories. I'm 46.

but fuck it, when I was 14 I used to do potholing.
I'd get up at 4am on a Saturday, pack my climbing gear and all my other stuff, make my food, walk a good 20 mins to catch the early bus (40 min journey) all by myself to meet at the train station with my friends and adult group leader to go away for the weekend.

I can't imagine my mum offering to get my things ready or me asking for it. eek! I was far too independent for that.

I'm glad you are realising now OP how much you've been spoiling him. it's not too late.
teach him also how to use all household appliances and iron.
best of luck

I have DS15 and DD14 and they dont have chores as such as they did odd little jobs since they were about 3 years old like putting their plate in the dishwasher etc. Mine make beds, put their dirty washing in laundry basket sorting darks/colours/whites. Will put their clean clothes away. No one loads the dishwasher as we just put in what we've personally used. First to need something from clean dishwasher empties it. They make their own breakfast and lunch, will make dinner a few times a month. They both walk the dog. They happily give us a hand with any heavy duty work or DIY.

My 4 year old does a lot of that! Granted he might need prompting sometimes, but still...

I would get them to start doing chores now.

I didn't get to do many chores growing up, not because I was spoilt but bec my mum was (still is) a complete control freak and a martyr to the cause of drudgery and I "couldn't do anything right ever". (ie Her way).

Consequently I grew up feeling very unconfident with things like cooking and shopping for food and I resent her never teaching me anything. These things are not difficult, teenagers can definitely manage. Just don't criticise their efforts too much, let them make their mistakes along the way, I wish I was allowed to.

I think that's very reasonable. My 9yo does all of those, as do my 12yo and 15yo. The 15yo sometimes more reluctant. I don't go near their school bags unless I have to-they know what they need better than I do.

Sorry- spoke too soon and didn't read properly! Mine don't do the dishwasher (but take plate and empty food waste) or gardening and only cook when they want to. I limit what they have to do to their personal organisation.

I agree with @adrianmolesmole - my mum did so much for me that I actually hadn't used a washing machine before I left home. I don't want that for my children. It left me feeling under skilled and a bit embarrassed.

My 7 year old packs his school bag, makes his breakfast (I have to get the bowl down as they're kept in a high cupboard) puts his laundry in the basket and attempts to make his bed. If a 15 year old doesn't do those things that's worrying!

I just don't understand how a secondary school child could trust their parents to pack their school bag. I couldn't remember PE days for my DC, I have enough to think about!

My 3 year and old tries to make her own breakfast (pick cereal and put it in a bowl)

She also helps to -
Load the dishwasher
Put her dirty clothes in the laundry baskets
Will lay the table at dinner time

OP - my 10 year every day:
gets dressed and makes own bed -
prepares own breakfast - eggs (fried, scrambled, boiled, cereal etc) -
prepares own packed lunch -
clears table after dinner.

Once every week:
sorts laundry
cleans bedroom, and hoovers

When the library was open she managed her books by keeping a list of what she borrowed, what date and when it needed to go back.

She regularly goes to the shop for small groceries (milk, butter, eggs etc) and can handle cash very well.

Your children are able to do a lot. You build their self esteem by giving them work to do, recognizing their ability, and maturity. They participate in making the home and the family function as a unit. Sure they will moan etc but they need it. What a major disadvantage for them if they arrive in the workplace with no practical ability in problem solving, spatial context, organizing ability, and so on. Never mind the poor sods they will end up with.

@fantastaballs

I have a 17 and a 13 year old at home. They divide the cores between them as and when they want but they have to-

Feed cats and feed and walk the dogs every day.
Do the dishwasher as many times as needed.
Empty the bins.
Put their own clean washing away.
Bring their dirty washing and bedding down, put a wash on and hang it out off I'm not there.
Cook one meal for us all a week.

This gets them £20 a week each. They have extra jobs to earn more money like

Hovering the stairs. Emptying the toilet and bathroom bins. Cleaning the toilet and bathroom. Doing a to run with me. Cutting the grass.

My 4 kids (2 left home) have also all been taught to decorate, lay laminate and do flat pack. So if they want new bedrooms etc I will supervise but it's all on them to do it. And they do a great job. This started because I was diagnosed with several auto immune diseases around 10-12 years ago and so when I was in a good place, I taught them life skills so they could help out when I wasn't up to it. Plus, let's be honest.... being a decent parent is about producing self sufficient young adults. Not burdens that can't cope with simple tasks.

I love this and thanks for that post - great idea for us re pocket money!

At 15, own breakfast, start cooking some meals, bins/recycling, gardening

My 14 yo is responsible for picking up his clothes and putting them in the laundry box, putting away his clean clothes and keeping his room tidy. I make him bring down pots and rubbish too. If he has a simple breakfast like cereal he gets it but often I get it for him if it any more complicated. He is quite capable though. I always say I go off duty at 9pm and so if he wants supper after that he makes it himself and can be quite creative. Occasionally he helps with other cleaning but not often and hates doing the dishwasher for some reason. Bet he wouldn’t if the alternative was washing up!

With respect OP there are many benefits to teens doing chores but key here is a parents role in setting them up to live independently- take every job you do for them and ask yourself ....when they first move out can they afford to pay someone to do it for them? (Home chef, laundry service, house keeper, handyman, cleaner, chauffeur etc) if the answer is no, then they need to learn a lot of skills before they become adults and go (how to cook, drive, wash clothes without fucking then up, use a lawnmower, refil a dishwasher with salt and rinse aid, iron a shirt) and get into the habit of using those skills.

As a very basic principle anything you can’t afford to pay for you need to learn how to do yourself.

I expect you've read enough posts about how you should shove DH into a time machine to do it all differently. The list below is what my 10 yr old does five days a week (he is very money motivated so is paid €10 each week + extra for heavier occasional work). Maybe you could introduce one of these tasks every 2 months, with 2 weeks of training/oversight and 6 weeks of hands-on practice?

My son is homeschooled though, which gives us much more time to get through things. Our deal is that I pay for daily tasks with energy like reminding/nagging or I pay with money. Either way he does the work:
Get dressed and make bed
Vacuum one room
Clean one significant surface
Tidy a significant area
Wash/hang one load of family laundry (excluding sheets & towels as they're too heavy)
Fold and put away the previous day's dry load

The list is deliberately vague so that he notices what needs to be done in his home instead of waiting for instructions.

This year we will add meal planning & budgeting as well as light cooking.

Normal clearing & tidying up after ourselves isn't paid.

Would a starter list like that be useful to you?

I don’t have teens but mine do pretty much nothing around the house. Sometimes they tidy their rooms.

Can I ask those of you whose kids do a lot, how do you deal with the guilt? I feel incredibly lazy if I ask them to do anything that I could do myself. I work part time but sort of view it as my job to look after the house and find it very hard to ask them. Honestly it feels totally wrong. I could never imagine relaxing while others clean around me or having a cup of tea brought to me!

Does anyone even know what I mean? I know lots of people have the mentality of everyone pulling their weight but I have seen friends sit down while their children run around doing the housework and don’t know how you would ever be comfortable with that.

OP it does sound like your kids could be doing a lot more. I also think that these threads attract people with kids who are basically self sufficient from age 3. The ones whose kids do absolutely nothing tend not to comment!

Meant to write they could be doing a bit more not a lot more. Gardening seems a bit excessive and of no benefit to them - do they care what the garden looks like?

I have 3 all at senior school. They all make their own lunch for school, get themselves ready for school and help with all of the chores. They all change their own sheets, help cook meals, mow the lawn, wash the cars etc. Why should me and DH do it all when we both work full time and ferry them everywhere?

@DisorganisedOrganiser for me it's the opposite of guilt. I feel pleased and happy that when he moves out of home he will already know exactly how to run a house, without needing to think too much about it.

Just when a person begins to navigate the adult world, would you really want them to also navigate a supermarket or washing machine for the first time? What a cruel thing to do to a person.

I’m shocked that a 15 years old does so little.
I moved out the day after my 16th birthday and was responsible for everything. Luckily I grew up being taught life skills so I wasnt sitting in a shitty flat waiting for someone to bring me breakfast in bed and pack my school bag.
My oldest is almost 6 she makes her bed and opens her curtains each morning without prompting. She puts her clothes in the laundry basket each day. She can make her own breakfast. She loads the dishwasher after tea, she tidies her room each weekend including dusting. She empties her school bag when she gets home from school- packed lunch box and water bottle emptied and put in the dishwater. Homework or reading book and any letters on the desk. She helps to cook at the weekend chopping veg, mashing potato, baking cakes.

Thanks Dutch1e. I do see it is giving them life skills but can’t shake the guilt. I had a pretty steep leaning curve as I grew up doing very little but it really only took me a few weeks to figure out washing machine etc.

Not going to add to the advice as it’s all good but just to say...My mother did all those things for me and I was horribly ill equipped for life without her. I really struggled for several years just to function as a human. And I was so so embarrassed in front of my roommates, etc when I didn’t even know how to wash my own laundry. Don’t do this to your kids OP.

As a minimum your teen should be sorting their own breakfast, school bag, making their bed, keep their bedroom tidy and putting their washing in the laundry basket.

I expect my teen, without prompting, to unload the dishwasher and hang out the washing whilst I'm at work and they are not in school. A quick hoover downstairs is appreciated.

I think cooking one meal a week for the family is a good idea. Other chores depends on what works for your family and working towards independent young adults.