To ask if these are suitable chores for a teenager?

[yoyo1234]

I think it is time to get my eldest to help out a bit around the house and start to take some responsibility for themselves.
Currently they do not make their own breakfast, pack their own school bag, make their bed, put their laundry in the laundry bin..... Basically we do everything they even get breakfast in bed (a lot of the time).
I was thinking get their own breakfast, pack own school bag, make bed etc in morning. Once per week make a simple meal for family (they tell us what they want to prepare we get ingredients and help), maybe at weekend do 1 hour gardening and do one dishwasher and washing machine load (to help gain independence).

Pack their own school bag???!!!!

Wipe their own arse?

your teen is more than capable.

my 6 yo gets his breakfast by himself, my 9 & 11 yo sort their own packed lunches & school bags.
they also help partially empty dishwasher, hoover up, clean the table etc.

my teenagers do more than you listed.

I would have been mortified to rely on a parent to make my breakfast at 15, except maybe a full English at the weekend etc. Not trying to pile on but that's... strange.

Wipe their own arse?

Was just about to say this!

My 15 year old makes his breakfast, sorts his bag, cycles to school. In the evening he empties the dishwasher, sorts the chickens, cooks a couple of times a week (adds required ingredients on the shopping list), laundry in basket.
At the weekends he strips his bed and washes/dries the sheets, picks a cleaning job from the list to do (usually vacuuming upstairs, mopping downstairs), does an outside job (cleaning out chickens, mowing etc).

Yes as others have said, my 8yo DD does all of those already and more.
I think unloading the dishwasher and washing machine are good ones too. Just from looking back when I was a teen my mum never let me touch the washing machine as she was always paranoid it would get broken somehow (did not have a ton of money back then so don’t blame her) but it was def something I struggled with the most once I moved out so would have benefited being taught.
I think gardening and cooking (for the whole family) are a bit much... maybe just mowing the lawn and cooking their own meals when you are not there should be expected. I don’t think changing their own bedsheets or running the hoover around the house once a week would kill them though!

My 12 and 13 year old boys each make the family evening meal 3 times a week (sometimes with help, sometimes not), empty and load the dishwasher, Hoover downstairs, empty the non kitchen bins, feed the pets, clean the shower and do their own laundry. At weekends they make their own breakfast and lunch too.

@Bksjshsbbev2737

unless they hate it one hour of gardening is nothing!
DS4 (14) helps his grandma once a week for a good 3-4 hours in the garden.

Your teenager can literally do anything. Anything.

You just need to expect it of them and stop Molly coddling them.

Those are suitable chores for a 10 year old. You can up your game a bit.

My 4 year old makes his own sandwich, makes his bed, tidies his room, packs his swimming bag and helps me put his laundry in bed.

When he is 15 I expect him to be bringing ME breakfast in bed.

I know it's already been said but yep easy list of chores for a 15yo.
Our 13yo regularly makes own breakfast, makes dinner for family once a week, puts own dishes in dishwasher, empties dishwasher once a week, puts compost bin out a couple of times a week, brings wheelie bins down drive after they've been emptied and puts them in the bin store, puts laundry in laundry basket, puts own laundry away (I put it in his room) , in winter irons his shirts for school (the have polo shirts in summer so no ironing), irons scout uniform, is completely responsible for their school bag, sometimes helps put the shopping away and sometimes mows the lawn on the ride on mower.
Strips and remakes his bed once a fortnight. Takes crisp packet recycling to the collection point in the village once every 6wks.
5yo puts own dishes in dishwasher, tidies playroom (with help) gets own breakfast (with help) helps empty dishwasher and makes his own bed. He also sets the table for dinner.
You may need to ease them into it to get used to the idea but capability wise it shouldn't be any problem and will set them up for being a grown up!

I agree with everyone else, they can do all of that and much more. My 13 year old does all (expect school bath we home Ed) plus cuts the grass and is responsible for making two lunches and 1 dinner a week.....cooking a healthy meal is a key life skill. He hoovers, does the laundry, basically everything I do he can do.

At 8, you have an eight year span during which you can subtly add responsibilities to a child, so that by the time they are 16 they have a sense of competence in managing their lives. At 8, you can slowly back away from homework management and packing for school, so that at 16 they know what the consequence is from their teacher for forgetting things at home. Which at 8 you will drive to school to save their neck, but at 13 you decline to do so, and at 16 they won't be forgetting. By starting the process of self management at 15, you have thrown away the advantage of gradually acclimating your child to the competency stage of life. Whne you add to this the natural tendency of hormonal teens to refuse to listen, you have a much harder task.

In spite of this you must commit to helping your child grow up. You have to decide what is your job as a parent. Is it to give the child a stress-free life? Sure. But the problem in raising children in comfortable circumstances is to deny them learning coping skills as an adult. When you have a child it is instinct to want to protect them. A more important job as a parent is to produce competent adults who can make their own way through life.

I can speak from experience. My husband is the youngest of four and was indulged, and is very indulgent with my two DS. I am more practical by far and had to play the heavy many many times over the years. I confess I gave up at some points as it was too hard for me to keep fighting a partner who undermined me at many junctures. But the reward for my persistence was hearing from my older son at the dinner for his HS graduation, saying to me point blank "You were right" About what? "About everything."

With a 15 yo you have to have repetitive frank conversations about the need for him to become competent in day to day tasks. You cannot simply pile life upon him and expect it to work. You have to explain why, expect setbacks, expect to be ignored. At least discharge your duty to try. Try to set some emotional distance so you aren't reduced to shouting matches. Treat him as you might a new raw employee you have to train quickly. If your husband is not fully on board ignore him and get to work. A parent is allowed to regret the loss of sweet childhood where you feel so needed. But it is extremely selfish to let that need override your charge to help your son grow up. Do we not all wish our parents had clued us in on one thing or another? Don't be that parent.

Can see the thread in ten years time...

My DH is useless, my mil was still packing his school bag and making his bed at 15. He can't cook, can't clean, she lets herself in on a Sunday and brings him breakfast....

@bookh

Can see the thread in ten years time...

My DH is useless, my mil was still packing his school bag and making his bed at 15. He can't cook, can't clean, she lets herself in on a Sunday and brings him breakfast....

@bookh

ha! that thought occurred to me as well!
I've no idea what my future DILs will post about, but hopefully we are bringing up our boys in a way that "useless DH" threads will be alien to them!
mine is the opposite of useless so they do have a brilliant example to follow

I have a 14 year old with Sn's..

I mostly make his breakfast on a morning. I get him to make a sandwich the night before and add stuff to that tomake a nutritious lunch.

He has a few jobs - his own room , stripping bedding, tidying -needs support to do that - not do it.

Take recycling and rubbish to bin, feed g.pig.

Pairs up socks , sorts underware

Every other job is done but not all the time so he knows how to don't- washer, cooking, hoovering, planting plants.

The breakfast in bed, packing school bag i was shockec at 15

I have teen boys, including a couple with SEN.

Since starting secondary school they have all made their own breakfast and their own lunch, got themselves ready for school (sometimes need reminding for things like instruments or PE kit. They help wash up, wash clothes, can cook, do general tidying up, hoovering, putting rubbish out, help decorate, help install appliances, build furniture etc.

They need to know how to do these things as adults. So getting them to help out now means they're not left floundering when they leave home (like I was as I never had to do anything and was quite clueless when I moved in with my now exh)

Wow! When I was 15 I:

• cooked dinner once a week
• shared washing up duties on the days I didn't cook
• cleaned the bathroom once a week (probably wasn't very good at it)
• walked the dog twice a week after school
• lit the fire every third day in winter
• did my own breakfast, lunchbox
• did my own laundry

This didn't take too long. The dog walking did take up quite a bit of time, but this was agreed before we got the dog, so less of a chore and more me keeping my promise. I also liked it when it wasn't raining.

It's not a punishment! It's learning life skills. Do you want adult children who can do laundry, cook and light fires? Or do you want adult children who live on pot noodles, dye all their clothes pink, and would quickly perish in the apocalypse?

I am more practical by far and had to play the heavy many many times over the years. I confess I gave up at some points as it was too hard for me to keep fighting a partner who undermined me at many junctures. But the reward for my persistence was hearing from my older son at the dinner for his HS graduation, saying to me point blank "You were right" About what? "About everything."

Your DH sounds a bit like mine . I cannot imagine my eldest ever thanking me he tries not to talk to me -only DH.

Above first part was from DextrousCT .thank you .

@yoyo1234 I have 3 kids ranging from 11- to just turned 16 and they started doing items on your list of chores when they were 5. Mine regularly make lunch and breakfast for themselves as well as make meals for the family, vacuum, cut the grass which takes a couple of hours a week, recycling, groom and walk the dog etc. My 11 year old especially enjoys ironing clothes too. Please sign them up to Duke of Edinburgh or CCF and they'll soon learn how to be independent fast - life skills are essential for both sexes and think of their future partners!

make their own breakfast, pack their own school bag, make their bed, put their laundry in the laundry bin.....
These are not chores, just basic self-care.
They should also be stripping their bed for laundry, putting on the laundry, sorting, folding and putting away clothes etc.

Gardening and household cleaning are chores, and a 15 year old should of course be helping with them.

My mum died when I was 14. I did all of what your children are not doing and more, I made my Dad's breakfast so it was ready for him when he came in, I got myself ready for school and got myself there. I did washing and ironing. I regularly mowed the lawn. I cleared the dishes from dads lunch and tidied up the kitchen when I got in from school. The only thing I didn't do regularly was cook. You are doing them a massive disservice and quite frankly it makes me want to spit feathers.