This is very long and i know this is a very sensitive subject and im trying trying to figure out if I am being very harsh or not. If this is the wrong place to post I can post elsewhere. For background, my DD is 16 months old. Around November last year, we moved out of our apartment that we had lived in for 3 years. We wanted to start to save for a mortgage and really couldn't do this while renting. We were very fortunate to be able to move into a family home so that we didn't have to pay rent. My younger sister had already been living here for 5 years plus.
So anyway we moved in and it has been fine overall. My younger sister is very easy going. We have our own spaces and we look after them respectively. My older sister is having fairly big work done to her own house and is going to be moving into the house also. She has 2 boys 2.5 and 4.5. She has been staying for 2-3 days at a time at the moment but will eventually be staying full time I believe for a few months. I knew it would be an adjustment for us but I was positive about my daughter spending time with her cousins and me spending time with my sister. I never anticipated it would be as hard as what it has been.
We have two very different parenting styles. The only way i could describe her parenting would be laissez-faire. The boys are pretty much allowed do as they please. The 2.5 year old has ripped up more books than I can count including my daughters books. They have now been put away. Both boys climb all over everything, my daughters play kitchen, the kitchen table which is very high up and the couches etc. I understand that boys do this but I feel that they are at the age especially the older boy to be able to be told not to climb all over things. When the 2.5 year old rips up the books or slams the doors, which is very dangerous as he could do it with my daughter standing right there. The problem is majority of the time my sister will do nothing to intervene. She will not tell them no and I find it very uncomfortable as I don't feel it is my place to say anything to them. The older boy has put his arms around my daughters neck and lifted her up. I had to sternly tell him we don't do that as its dangerous. My sister looked uncomfortable with this. In fairness to her she did tell him to stop and that he couldn't do that.
The thing that I am personally finding very hard to deal with is the personal hygiene. The older boy is in creche and I know that they pick up bugs and colds etc. But since they have started staying my daughter has been sick continuously. Their hygiene is not good at all. They never ever cover their mouths as this has never been explained to them. The other day at the dinner table as we were all eating the younger boy full force coughed all over the food on the table. The older boy runs around with snot hanging out of his nose 24/7. I have reluctantly told them both that they have to cover their mouths when they cough. They both use my daughters sippy cups and I have had to hide them as they chew and spit all over them. My sister just laughed and admitted she has never taught them to cover their mouths etc. My daughter got a very nasty cold off them and just when she had finally recovered they came over again and sure enough she was sick again. This obviously means a lack of sleep and a very upset clingy baby during the day.
I sympathise with my sister as her husband is not there to help. He has been helping with the work and does not stay with my sister on the days she is here. He does not come down in the evenings once the work is done. She is trying to co-ordinate a lot and it is an awful lot for her to deal with by herself. She has her hands full. I am looking for some opinions on what i should do or is this just something I have to just suck up. I feel I have tried to point out about the coughing etc and have interjected at times when my daughter was directly involved but I don't know what else to do. I would find it very difficult to approach with my sister as she is very sensitive. I don't want us being sick all summer. Would it be unreasonable to speak to my sister about the kids personal hygiene? What would you do in this situation please?