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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be sent to bed like a child

156 replies

YahooBrahoo · 06/06/2021 22:11

Me and DH have a young baby.

Whilst they were still waking a lot in the night, DH took to sleeping downstairs in the living room.

DC now sleeps through and I have said DH is fine to come back in bedroom but he says he prefers it as it is his time to research things for work (SE) and he doesn't want to wake baby and he likes to be able to have his e cigarette too.

Except now he's basically taken to sending me to bed almost. We are still working on DC going to bed on their own so they sleep downstairs with us whilst we are watching TV or whatever and then I take them to bed with me when I go up.

It now gets to about 8:30/9 and he's basically telling me I need to go up now and getting the things ready to take up (bottles, dummies etc) because it's the only 'time' he gets...

I probably wouldn't go up much later than that anyway as I read to DC as they have their sleepy feed before going in their cot but it pisses me off that he basically decides for me.

I feel rushed and like I'm being sent to my room, not to come out again. Checking I have everything I need so I don't have to come out again basically.

AIBU to think if he insists on sleeping in the living room he needs to appreciate it isn't a bedroom and he doesn't get to decide when people vacate said room for the night?!

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 06/06/2021 22:12

What a cock

SymphonyofShadows · 06/06/2021 22:14

Are you sure that’s all he’s ‘researching’?

Badfootkk · 06/06/2021 22:15

Erm his turn ???

vodkaredbullgirl · 06/06/2021 22:16

What a twat.

Original poster
YahooBrahoo · 06/06/2021 22:16

@SymphonyofShadows

Are you sure that’s all he’s ‘researching’?
I did expect this question! But yes I am confident its nothing like that.
OP posts:
ViolaDay · 06/06/2021 22:17

I agree with Symphony I would wonder exactly what he was doing.

NewlyGranny · 06/06/2021 22:18

Tell him to do one! I'm not usually that rude, but it's the sitting room FFS. Your home as well as his!

FlowerandBloom · 06/06/2021 22:19

Hmmm on his phone a lot recently? Hides it? Never lets it out of his sight charging?

Titterofwit · 06/06/2021 22:21

Nope nope nope.
He doesnt get to say how much time you can spend downstairs. As baby gets older you will start to have more time to yourself and you need to protect that otherwise you and baby will have the same bedtime. Leaving dh to his 'research' Hmm

Totallydefeated · 06/06/2021 22:23

It’s out of order to tell you to vacate the sitting room at a time he decides.

Also, I appreciate that your own time and space becomes tiny and precious and hard to come by after a baby (and in fact I still feel like that now even tho DC is 6...), but if your relationship is to survive you also need to prioritise alone time for just the two of you.

It sounds like he’s all about his own time, but not bothered about time for you two. And that’s a bigger problem than deciding when you need to be out of the sitting room by, IMO.

fashionablefennel · 06/06/2021 22:24

because it's the only 'time' he gets... Confused

he's free to find a space for his "time", the living room is not one.

Travis1 · 06/06/2021 22:25

I’d laugh in my husbands Face If he tried that. Tell him to jog on. If he’s that bothered be can go
Upstairs out the way. It’s the only time he gets to himself but when’s your free time?

Original poster
YahooBrahoo · 06/06/2021 22:26

@FlowerandBloom

Hmmm on his phone a lot recently? Hides it? Never lets it out of his sight charging?
No, not at all. I genuinely don't suspect anything like this at all although I appreciate how it sounds.
OP posts:
Oly4 · 06/06/2021 22:26

He’s going to carry on sleeping in the living room even though dc sleep through? Why?
And sending you up to bed is ridiculous. Yanbu

legotruck · 06/06/2021 22:27

So he wants you to do all the care and fuck off out his way whilst doing it?

Giantrooster · 06/06/2021 22:27

New routine, he settles the dc, you chill on the sofa.

Soundbyte · 06/06/2021 22:27

It sounds like he thinks it’s time for the baby to go to bed, not you per se. Have you tried saying that if he thinks it’s baby’s bedtime that he’s welcome to sort DC out and you have ‘your time’ for a bit in the living room before you retire for the evening?

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 06/06/2021 22:27

If your baby takes bottles and uses a dummy, is there anything stopping him doing some of the night time childcare?
When is your "me time"?

NailsNeedDoing · 06/06/2021 22:28

This is what men have sheds for, he doesn’t get to dictate over the family space.

Icanflyhigh · 06/06/2021 22:29

There's a LOT of Hmm things in your OP.

When does he take a turn at the bedtime routine?

UhtredRagnarson · 06/06/2021 22:30

He’s watching porn

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 06/06/2021 22:31

Hell no. You sure he’s not watching porn? Or binge watching tv shows?

He doesn’t get to dictate family space or your time.

UhtredRagnarson · 06/06/2021 22:31

What would his response be if you just refused?

Ladylimpet · 06/06/2021 22:32

I just wouldn't do it. I'd tell him to did off. They only get away with stunts like this if you go along with it.

Ladylimpet · 06/06/2021 22:32

*sod. Not did.