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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

503 replies

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:08

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP posts:
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8
SmokeyDevil · 06/06/2021 21:38

She is a complete cow. Do not even utter the word sorry. Anyone who would is just a pushover. You did her a bloody favour! And a massive one at that! I'd have messaged you to ask what to pay you, not to berate your shoe choice. Hmm

Send it to her husband and wish him good luck in his marriage with that cow. Not even joking.

oakleaffy · 06/06/2021 21:38

Edit made Wedding party really jump. It was great!

memberofthewedding · 06/06/2021 21:40

I dont do texting (smartphones are the devils invention). When I get an email I dont want to acknowledge I "bounce" it back with a message such as "This email address is for outgoing mail only. Your message has not been actioned."

bloodyhell19 · 06/06/2021 21:46

"Apologies - I won't wear white shoes or offer to perform for free when your musicians don't turn up at your next wedding."

Or send an invoice. Or just get your DH to speak to her DH and sort her out. She sounds like a fucking nightmare of a person.

Staffy1 · 06/06/2021 21:47

I would reply "well, I'm really hurt as we went out of our way to help and it was all agreed with your husband beforehand".

GabsAlot · 06/06/2021 21:49

shes a nutter-sdo youre dh doesnt get any blame just you-maybe everyone liked your voice or sometnhing but shes bonkers

let your dh deal with her

Osrie · 06/06/2021 21:50

@Staffy1

I would reply "well, I'm really hurt as we went out of our way to help and it was all agreed with your husband beforehand".
Plus add, from where I was standing everyone was focussed on you and your big day and all I’ve heard people talk about was how wonderful you looked. Lay it on thick so she might feel ashamed. Gosh brides who give brides a bad name are shameless!
Dingleydel · 06/06/2021 21:50

She is incredibly rude to say that to you. However I do have sympathy with a ‘wedding music being sorted behind your back’ situation. I mean it’s not quite the same, but at my wedding my MIL arranged for the best mans band and a DJ to show up behind my back. It wasn’t the music I’d wanted (happy with an iPad playlist) they drank tons of booze (and demanded paying, another story) but it was slightly cringe having someone who was a guest at the wedding suddenly turn it into a performance opportunity. Did you slightly ‘overplay’ your welcome?

Cam2020 · 06/06/2021 21:51

What an ungrateful bitch! YANBU.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 06/06/2021 21:51

Tell her you also wore white underwear and a garter

Seriously, is she always this self absorbed? I’d be tempted to send ‘Thank you for your appreciation of our performance. Your invoice for our services is in the post’

But I’m a bitch, perimenopausal, and far too hot.

SunshineCake · 06/06/2021 21:53

@SmidgenofaPigeon

White shoes though? With a navy dress?

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo.

Come off it. You know white and you know navy. If you think it is naff just say so.
Notonthestairs · 06/06/2021 21:55

I wear navy and white all the time - I'm surprised anyone could find the combination perplexing.

I dont think I'd reply. She's looking for an argument and anything you say will be twisted.

Justilou1 · 06/06/2021 21:55

All of this was lovely… she has made it very clear that she can’t let go of being the bride. (Or should I say “The Bride”?) I bet now honeymoon is over and reality has set in, she’s no longer a princess, and she’s bitter. Nothing left to look forward to. You absolutely need to send it back to her DH. He’s going to have to know why his friends are dropping like flies.

caringcarer · 06/06/2021 21:56

Forward the email to her DH with message you thought he wanted you to sing/play music at his wedding as musicians had let him down. See what he does.

JuliasTheme · 06/06/2021 21:57

Don’t apologise just appease another person. She sounds like a nightmare. I’d reply you clearly have an issue it was your husband who made the arrangements I suggest you ideal to him directly.

I’d not reply to any of her messages from now on

TacoSunday · 06/06/2021 21:59

@memberofthewedding

I dont do texting (smartphones are the devils invention). When I get an email I dont want to acknowledge I "bounce" it back with a message such as "This email address is for outgoing mail only. Your message has not been actioned."
Or what about “Please unsubscribe me from this mailing list.” Grin
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 06/06/2021 22:00

@SmidgenofaPigeon

White shoes though? With a navy dress?

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo.

The bride is clearly a lunatic.

But this is post is equally ridiculous.

thesunwillout · 06/06/2021 22:01

What did you sing?

NewlyGranny · 06/06/2021 22:05

You have nothing to apologise for and I would not utter the word sorry.

It would be rude not to reply at all, and that would make two of you, but you need to shut it down without delay. If she's a good friend, or any kind of friend, she's going to calm down and regret being so unreasonable, so the less said by both of you the better.

Why not just say something like, "DH and I were a bit surprised by the tone of your message, as we see ourselves as having quickly responded to an emergency call for help from your new DH and doing a lot of rushing about to save your day. We had no way of knowing you'd have preferred to have no live music at all. It would have been much easier for us to refuse our help and just not bother, but we're the sort of people who always step up to help however we can when a friend asks."

I wouldn't mention the shoes at all. Why embarrass her further? She's going to be mortified when she gets over it. And if she responds again, I honestly wouldn't even look unless it's clearly an apology.

Later on it will be good to be able to tell her honestly that you didn't read it as you wanted to de-escalate the situation!

lockdownbabyx · 06/06/2021 22:06

I 100% wouldn't apologise, either ignore or defend yourself. She sounds batshit crazy, I feel sorry for her new husband to be honest!

CoraPirbright · 06/06/2021 22:07

Don’t reply - she is spoiling for a fight and nothing - not even a grovelling apology (which is utterly undeserved) - will appease her.

Instead, I like Sleepinglikealog’s suggestion:
I would get your DH to forward the message to the groom along with a brief message along the lines of "I'm not sure how to reply to this." Then let the groom sort her out

She is, btw, an utter bitch.

StrawberrySquash · 06/06/2021 22:08

I'm guessing this is more about a general freakout because a significant part of the day was last minute disrupted and when you've been planning something for months it's hard to let go. Which is not to excuse her behaviour, just trying to explain it.

I quite like the text posted above of:
Maybe text back "I'm very sorry if we upset you - it was absolutely not our intention to steal any focus whatsoever, we just wanted to help with the music. Honestly, we thought we were helping you out. I'm really sorry that this has caused stress though. I hope you had a good honeymoon. Speak soon, OP"

People have strops. Forgive and move on with a bit of standing up for yourself. Unless this is a serious pattern of behaviour from her.

Tvscreen · 06/06/2021 22:08

OP you did a lovely thing. Things like this bring a personal touch to weddings and make them special. I would have loved this at my wedding. Ignore her. No need to apologise at all.

Zaane · 06/06/2021 22:09

@MaybeCrazy2

This is an easy one. Just text back I’m sorry then drop her from your life. Can’t be dealing with any drama but I’d be happy for my partner to keep his friend whose her husband.

I know your not in the wrong and she is batshit but I just can’t be doing with playground spiel, life’s way way too short.

This.
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 06/06/2021 22:10

Sounds like he's married a nutter to be honest....

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