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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

503 replies

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:08

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP posts:
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8
Redjumper1 · 06/06/2021 20:47

If she likes to control everything about the wedding then the band being cancelled without her knowledge and then her DH friends singing a few songs in lieu of the band probably sent her into orbit. Controlling people don't like surprises. Especially on their wedding day. Her anger is probably towards her DH and she is taking it out on you which she has no right to do. I'd just text back that you are sorry she is upset but her DH asked for your help as the band cancelled and you kindly obliged.

Leave her to it.

Sweak · 06/06/2021 20:48

[quote SmidgenofaPigeon]@Waspsarearseholes don’t be silly. Obviously yes. But I’ve not seen anyone I don’t think wear white shoes to a wedding. I don’t think white dress-shoes are very common. My only shoes of that description are my actual wedding shoes 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
My bridesmaids wore white shoes. I've worn white shoes to a wedding as a guest (yellow dress)

Looubylou · 06/06/2021 20:48

You must have been really good though!, Are you by any chance quite attractive as well?

Cats09 · 06/06/2021 20:50

I'd text her back with a simple emoji
🖕

You both done a nice thing providing entertainment at such short notice. Would she have preferred silence? A mixed cd? Maybe some karaoke. Some people honestly should be thankful they have friends kind enough to step up and be proactive and try to help.

Nohomemadecandles · 06/06/2021 20:51

Ask your husband to show his friend the message. Let him tell her how batshit and ungrateful she is.

HerMammy · 06/06/2021 20:51

Bridezila? she’s a mental cunt, who the fuck behaves like that?
Get your DH to forward to her DH, adding that you’re extremely shocked.

SantaSue · 06/06/2021 20:55

Is there any video footage you can share with us? Is she angry because you were really bad? (I'm picturing the woman on Britain's Got Talent who turns up every year as a Disney character like Ariel while her husband stands next to her as a tap dancing lobster Grin)

In all seriousness I would reply "you're welcome" (then tell everyone she knows what she'd said).

TacoSunday · 06/06/2021 20:55

She sounds like she’s lost grip on normality. She also doesn’t sound a bit happy (which is weird given she’s just got married). I probably wouldn’t reply.

JudgeJ · 06/06/2021 20:56

I never understand why men go through with weddings to women like this, the minute she insisted she made all the decisions he should have said Bye!

Thisisus909 · 06/06/2021 20:56

@ProudPolyGradSingleMum

I’d get your DH to deal with it via his mate and stay well out of it.
This
BedknobsNoBroomsticks · 06/06/2021 20:56

She's batshit and I would be quite tempted to tell her so however I understand that you don't want to fall out with them. I would get your dh to speak to his friend.

TolkiensFallow · 06/06/2021 20:57

She’s ridiculous- let DH maintain the friendship with his friend but don’t bother with her yourself. You don’t have to like all his mates wives.

Pewpew · 06/06/2021 20:57

Please do not apologise! Send her a big bill. Stupid cowp

WorraLiberty · 06/06/2021 20:57

I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty"

Were they here actual words?

Geamhradh · 06/06/2021 20:57

@JoyOrbison

Just reply "You're welcome. We'll send the invoice shortly"
Do it do it.
WorraLiberty · 06/06/2021 20:58

*Her

ScrollingLeaves · 06/06/2021 20:59

White shoes in the summer is perfectly correct. Navy and white is very chic and ‘formal’ and respectful.

Backing was not stealing the limelight.
You both did a kind thing.

You could apologise for the sake of DH and his friend - think if it as a wedding present to. DH’s friend- but you did nothing wrong.

The bride sounds berserk and is rude to have behaved that way to you and your DH.

Somuddled · 06/06/2021 21:00

I'd go for something like I hope you received a refund for the band who failed to turn up. Many congratulations again. You both looked great. I hope you are blessed with a wonderful marriage.

That reminds her that she would normally have had to pay for what you did and that marriage is what she agreed to not just a wedding.

MadMadMadamMim · 06/06/2021 21:01

I agree that DH should forward it to his mate with an attached note saying Did you know your wife sent this? Would you like to add anything?

Howshouldibehave · 06/06/2021 21:01

She’s batshit! I’d either do a ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ text or just ignore.

RedcurrantPuff · 06/06/2021 21:02

Tell her to fuck off. People only get away with being such twats in the first place because no one ever stands up to them. I wouldn’t worry too much about upsetting the OH, the marriage probably won’t last anyway.

WiddlinDiddlin · 06/06/2021 21:02

How utterly rude of her.

But, does she know how it came to be that you and your DH stepped in - not that it excuses her behaviour in the slightest, but she may be unaware of how much of a faff and an effort you and your DH went to to save them from having no live music on the day.

I'd pass to DH/her husband to deal with!

Notaroadrunner · 06/06/2021 21:03

@Curiosity101

I would show your DH the message before doing anything and see what he thinks you should do. I probably would respond though with something along the lines of... "I'm sorry you feel that way, it wasn't intentional on our part. It was a lovely day and you looked beautiful, hope you had a great honeymoon" But equally ignoring it entirely might be a good strategy, then you can just pretend you never saw it and there's no possibility of her reacting negatively to your response.

FWIW based on what you've described you've done absolutely nothing wrong and don't have anything to apologise for, she really should have been thanking you for stepping in like that. But life is too short and she sounds really insecure. Seeing as you're likely to bump into her if you DH and her DH are good friends then it's best to keep things amicable. Just try to give her a wide berth if you can.

I wouldn't grace her with such a polite response. She certainly doesn't deserve it. Either ignore or text back 'I think you meant to say thank you for helping you both out at such short notice, so you're welcome'.

It's not as if you're going to be friends with her after that. And yes, life is too short - to put up with the likes of her in your life.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/06/2021 21:03

Ignore

WimpoleHat · 06/06/2021 21:04

I think I’d say, “for the record, my DH asked me to help him to do a favour for your DH. All arranged by them. I can’t say it was particular fun for me at the time and it certainly isn’t now. Please don’t contact me again. All the best.” And don’t ever speak to her again....