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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

503 replies

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:08

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP posts:
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8
NewlyGranny · 06/06/2021 22:11

I'm assuming you didn't do a cover of "Please Release Me", mind! Or "Devil Woman".

Honeyroar · 06/06/2021 22:15

While it’s probably best to ignore her, I’d be tempted to reply “don’t worry, I’ll never, ever be doing you a favour again, but at least I livened you your bat shit crazy, yet boring wedding!”

PurpleMustang · 06/06/2021 22:15

Oh no, she be rude! What has your DH said? Depending on how well you know her, I would either pass this on to your DH to speak to the groom or I would be replying, literally spelling it out to her along the lines of 'I am so sorry that your band let you down at the last minute. That your DH dealt with it to not cause you stress on your day. That my DH volunteered to step in last minute to help resolve the situation. That we went and got the equipment around the wedding. Set it up around the wedding. And sang at your wedding so you could have your first dance together. And no considered my shoes during all this'. She is one selfish bitch bride. Wonder who else she has been firing off complaints too? Ber you ain't the only one.

frankenpoodle · 06/06/2021 22:16

No way would I apologise for doing a favour. As far as the white shoes go, she's lost the plot if she thinks anyone cares about shoe colour. (Seriously, that's crazy.)

I'd probably ignore her and avoid her for the rest of my life. If she ever brought it up to me again, I'd reply that you'd done her a favour because your husbands are friends, but that you won't make that mistake again!

Rockdown2020 · 06/06/2021 22:21

I honestly just wouldn’t reply at all. She’s insane and any reply you send other than an apology will make it worse, but an apology will leave her thinking she is in the right which wouldn’t be ok.

This. Just ignore. She’s very out of order.

Eddielzzard · 06/06/2021 22:22

Wow how charming. I'd ignore but show your DH the message. He can talk to his friend.

frankenpoodle · 06/06/2021 22:24

Also, if this is how she always is, this marriage may not last very long. She doesn't sound like an easy person to get along with!

If she wasn't happy with the music situation, she should've limited herself to complaining to her unfortunate husband. It was his decision to have guests "stealing the show".

junipertree2 · 06/06/2021 22:26

All I can think is 'the poor groom'.

His wife is jawdroppingly rude, ungrateful, chronically insecure and totally irrational.

If they are still together by Christmas I would be very surprised.

DoubleTweenQueen · 06/06/2021 22:29

@WeddingSingers You actually stepped up and saved the day. I would either ignore completely or send her a very nice message, putting her in the actual picture.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 06/06/2021 22:29

I would be tempted to respond with… “hmm your autocorrect seems to be on the fritz, I’m assuming you texted me ‘Thanks for filling in, in a pinch. DH and I are lucky to have friends like you both.’ You may want have that checked so you don’t unintentionally sound unhinged”

What I would really reply with, if I replied “Whatever”

What is the most likeliest Action I’d go with… forward the message to your DH and the groom with a “Good Luck with this one, Sorry you’re probably getting an earful right now. Hope it blows over soon”.

bellie710 · 06/06/2021 22:30

Phone her and call her out on being a batshit crazy bitch! Too many people think they can send messages etc without actually speaking to people, either own your crazy shit or shut up, do not message her phone her up and question her she will almost definitely realise she is a lunatic!

Triphazards · 06/06/2021 22:33

Look on the bright side. You didn't marry her.

Reallybadidea · 06/06/2021 22:33

If she thinks you stole the limelight then I'm guessing that you were pretty bloody awesome! Well done, of course you did a nice thing

BilboBercow · 06/06/2021 22:35

Whatever you do DO NOT apologise when you put yourself out to do them a favour! I would have to call out this bullshit tbh

Newestname001 · 06/06/2021 22:41

OP. I hope the groom thanked you and your husband! As for the ungrateful bride, give her time and space to reorganise her two brain cells enough to realise what a lovely favour you and your DH did her on "her" day!! (I guess it wasn't the groom's day then...)

Meanwhile, no apologies necessary from you. 🌹

ScruffGin · 06/06/2021 22:42

I like the reply by @WimpoleHat the best...

I think I’d say, “for the record, my DH asked me to help him to do a favour for your DH. All arranged by them. I can’t say it was particular fun for me at the time and it certainly isn’t now. Please don’t contact me again. All the best.” And don’t ever speak to her again....

However I'd probably just forward it to the husband with a "good luck with your marriage" comment... Grin

LagunaBubbles · 06/06/2021 22:48

I'm assuming you didn't do a cover of "Please Release Me", mind! Or "Devil Woman" Grin

Or "Love on the rocks"
(And yes I have been at a wedding and the band did this!)

OwlinaTree · 06/06/2021 22:53

I think she's had loads of guests who were at the wedding saying stuff like 'wasn't it a good job WeddingSingers and WeddingsingersDH were able to save the day' 'What great voices they have' 'they were even better than a band' rather than saying 'you looked great in your dress' 'I loved your first dance' 'what amazing table decorations' etc and she's feeling like everyone is talking about you and not her.

I'm not sure how I'd respond tbh op. I think I'd probably ignore it!

FrangipaniBlue · 06/06/2021 22:57

Absolutely do not, and in no way ever apologise or send anything in a text using the word "sorry", you've nothing to apologise for!

As did posters telling you to get your DH to tell her DH - wtf?? If someone approached my DH to sort me out over something I'd done or said to upset them I'd be through the fuckin roof - even if I was in the wrong to start with! If you have an issue with me - you tell ME!

Way I see it there are two options.....

  1. delete & ignore
  2. reply "are you on glue?"
CartTriesToDriveTheHorse · 06/06/2021 22:58

I think you should get your DH to contact his friend as others have recommended. It's their relationship that is the connection here.

Please ensure you - and any other mutual friends who will get on board- always wear white whenever you see her in the future though.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/06/2021 22:59

I think her dh or someone else sung your praises (and your dh) too highly for her satisfaction and she’s jealous. As someone else said no good deed goes unpunished.

If you wish to respond, I would be factual and non blaming. Eg.

‘ I can see you’re upset. I am sorry that our performance on your wedding day was not appreciated.’

One thing for sure, I would be forwarding this to my dh in the hope he’d take it up with the groom.

chesterelly · 06/06/2021 23:02

I've been to a wedding where the DJ played "Now that you're Gone All That's Left is a Band of Gold". You didn't have that on the set list did you OP? I simply could not ignore that I'd have to reply along the lines of "you do realise that we stepped in at the very last minute so that you could have a first dance and music for the rest of your guests to dance to. It meant a lot of frantic preparations to do this without stressing anyone else, I mean YOU, out. I'm sorry it didn't leave me time to change my shoes, you should have said something on the day, I'd have taken them off and smacked you with them and sung barefoot." I hope your DH has your back on this and you don't have to see that ungrateful bitch for any reason ever again.

Ingridla · 06/06/2021 23:04

Nah, ignore ignore ignore.

It'll annoy the crap out of her as she clearly loves arguing.

Once, if ever, she simmers down or grows the fuck up she'll realise how ridiculous she has behaved and you will merely be the dignified party.

Junebean9 · 06/06/2021 23:05

Your DH needs to send a screenshot of the message to the groom with the text 'do you know your wife has sent this? Anything else to add?'

I'd be mortified!

Lalliella · 06/06/2021 23:05

Please do NOT say you’re sorry! For anything. You have nothing to be sorry for!

I would reply saying you’re surprised she felt that way and her DH had asked you to do them a favour by stepping in, so you feel her comments are unfair. I’d ignore the shoes comment, it’s not even worth it.