AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

[WeddingSingers]

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

How strange! Does she have a problem with you in general? Did DH get any messages telling him off for singing or is it just you and your shoes that bothered her?

@SleepingLikeALog

I would get your DH to forward the message to the groom along with a brief message along the lines of "I'm not sure how to reply to this." Then let the groom sort her out.

This is what I would do too.

She’s his problem not yours!

What sleeping said

On the assumption you only know her though dh's friend and she's not a lifelong buddy for you I'd ignore her.

Dh can keep up the friendship if he wishes but that would be the limit of the engagement with her for me.

The only word that springs to mind is.. ungrateful!! They were let down! If you must apologise (for what?) Just say.."sorry bitch we were asked by your new husband so felt we had to say yes due to the circumstances, sorry you feel this way, it's just a shame all our effort was unappreciated x

Oh my goodness how staggeringly rude!

I would reply "I'm sorry you feel like this, we stepped in at the last minute to help out".

Just reply that actually she should be thanking you for sirting the music at her DHs bequest. Therefore take it up with him and you look forward to an apology

Then I would not have anything to do with her until she does apologise. Your DH can see them alone

She's a fruitcake. An insufferable one. I can't imagine what she'll be like when she has a baby.

I do feel you need to send a photo of your outfit though.

I'm gonna need to see the shoes.

But yeah, yanbu.

I'd reply "I thought brides stopped being a bridezillas after the wedding...--Good luck to your husband and I hope the divorce isn't too rough on you". Only joking about the last bit (sort of...).

Lots of good advice here OP, the best of which is to ignore.

I’d be having a convo with my DH alerting him to the potential damage this mad bitch will cause in his relationship with his mate.

My response would have been "you're right, your first dance would have been much better with no music at all, which is what would have happened had we not helped!"

Do not apologise and do not ignore. No one should treat you like that ( unless there is a specific reason why your oh would prefer you to keep quiet"
My response would be: "dear Bride. I'm very shocked and hurt by your message. We stepped in to do your music as a favour to groom, because you were let down last minute. Any perceived "upstaging" is totally in your head. At the very least I would expect a thank you for our efforts, and instead I'm faced with this vitriol. It's extremely upsetting for both of us.

What a cow

Deffo don't apologise.
If i were you? I'd just write back with - didn't you mean "thank you"? if not, we'll send the invoice to the person who booked us.

Probably better just to pass it to your DH to handle and not speak to her ever again

Another vote for ignoring and assuming that one day she’ll come to her senses and cringe at that message.

Ignore. Don't dignify with an answer, she's going to think what she thinks anyway.

I sang my sister down the aisle at her wedding; I very much doubt anyone thought I was stealing her thunder.

She’s bonkers. Ignore her.

I would stay well out of it. She's nuts and I feel for her new DH. In future I would be civil to her, but on the cold side of civil, and would be avoiding her as much as possible.

Don't stress about it OP. You and your DH did a lovely thing, and honestly, the bit about the shoes is pathetic.

Send the message to your Dh so he can send it to the groom. This was something organised by those two on the day. I would not respond to her until her husband has seen it as I wonder if he knows she sent that to you.

I think the bride is a cheeky cow to expect you to apologise, for what? Saving her wedding music. She sounds complete self absorbed.

We have stepped in to help out at a friend's wedding and it seriously ruins the enjoyment of it, we went as guests and ended up being involved in sorting out a technical issue and had to clear the room the next day due to illness of the person meant to be doing it. It was completely shit. Never thanked.

14 days after the event and she’s messaged you this? She’s been festering on it. My goodness, she’s nuts. Just block her.

She's batshit. And I feel terribly sorry for her new husband 🥴😁

I don't think that marriage is going to last. I think that was a lovely thing to do personally, having your first dance to a song friends are singing.
I'd totally ignore her, she's clearly got issues. She'd have the hump if you didn't sing, tbh.. 🤷🏼‍♀️

She sounds a complete nightmare.
If she carries on like this there will be a divorce looming.
My relative had a superb band, and it made the party really jump!