AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

[WeddingSingers]

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

Ignore her, you did nothing wrong but any response will fuel her drama or entitlement.

Ignore her, and don’t reply.

You did an amazing thing in stepping in at short notice, and frankly, she is batshit. Personally, I'd probably apologise anyway to keep the peace for DH's sake, but in a sort of "sorry you were upset" way rather than "sorry I made a mistake". And give her a wide berth in future. She sounds like a nutter!

In this situation, I'd defer to your DH. The groom is his bf.
How important is the friendship to him?

Never a good deed goes unpunished, eh? Please do not apologise when you did nothing wrong.

Unless there's going to be a big drip feed and you're actually Beyonce and Jay Z getting up to belt out a few slow tunes (even then it would have been a nice offer if the band fell through), or you threw in a striptease, then she's being outrageous.

Don't reply. She's picking on the one bit of the day she didn't control. If you're not happy just to leave this then I would ask your husband to speak to hers and de-escalate it as the agreement was between them and you just helped out. Not your problem.

Invoice her immediately..
Cf of the highest degree..

She sounds as if she's really happy, content and enjoying wedded bliss

If she bad said you hurt her feelings or something then maybe I'd have given her thr benefit of he doubt for heightened emotions and sent a 'I'm sorry you feel like that' type message. But calling you nasty is actually name calling you and horrible behaviour and there is no excuse. I'd just tell my husband, and see how he wanted to play it with the groom, and ignore her completely. I don't think you'll win an argument with someone so out of touch with reality

@SmidgenofaPigeon

White shoes though? With a navy dress?

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo.

I'm not sure if you intended this or not, but that comment sounds bitchy.

SmidgenofaPigeon

White shoes though? With a navy dress?

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo.

I see navy and white as a very classic combination.

I would text back saying you were doing a favour as sorted by her now husband. I would also say it's standard to not wear a white dress but any shoe colour is fine at weddings.

Keep it factual. Don't apologise.

Oh her ego is horrendous. How could she even come to that conclusion? She shouldn't have had any entertainment if she thought it would steal her limelight. After her wedding day where she marries the person she loves, this is what is on her mind?
Did she even give the meaning of marriage a second thought or did she just want to pay thousands of pounds for a princess experience?

I didn’t actually mean it to be bitchy, no. More curiosity.

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo

Have you honestly never seen a Breton striped top? You've literally never seen navy and white together? You've never seen someone wear jeans with a white top? A navy suit/trousers with a white shirt? Have you never left your house or watched television?

Unless they were these shoes she's batshit.

A lot of weird wedding threads tonight? Is it because it's June?

@Waspsarearseholes don’t be silly. Obviously yes. But I’ve not seen anyone I don’t think wear white shoes to a wedding. I don’t think white dress-shoes are very common. My only shoes of that description are my actual wedding shoes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ignore ignore ignore.

The Bride’s message is incredibly rude, and utterly ungracious. I would not respond at all, and I’d be hoping to give her a wide berth in the future. Sounds completely self -absorbed and bonkers!

Agree with others, forward it to groom with a note saying you thought you were doing them a favour and then forget about her. Totally batshit.

I'm sorry you feel that way I assure you I won't be upstaging your next wedding

I would get dh to forwarded it to her husband.

Sounds unreasonable if it was the UK, but it depends on the culture in the country you live in. Perhaps white shoes on a guest is rude?

I would show your DH the message before doing anything and see what he thinks you should do. I probably would respond though with something along the lines of...
"I'm sorry you feel that way, it wasn't intentional on our part. It was a lovely day and you looked beautiful, hope you had a great honeymoon"
But equally ignoring it entirely might be a good strategy, then you can just pretend you never saw it and there's no possibility of her reacting negatively to your response.

FWIW based on what you've described you've done absolutely nothing wrong and don't have anything to apologise for, she really should have been thanking you for stepping in like that. But life is too short and she sounds really insecure. Seeing as you're likely to bump into her if you DH and her DH are good friends then it's best to keep things amicable. Just try to give her a wide berth if you can.

Goodness! Is she a sandwich short of a picnic? She sounds hideous. Your husband and yourself did such a lovely thing. Do not apologise or admit fault. If you want to be nice, something like "Sorry to hear you are feeling upset, hope you feel better soon". I want to believe she is still in the grip of wedding madness and there is a chance she is normally not a self absorbed bitch?