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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

503 replies

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:08

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
ispepsiokay · 08/06/2021 03:31

I knew a lovely girl who was convinced she could sing, her mum told her she sang like an angel, she joined a band, she sang in pubs and lived for karaoke nights.

Problem was she was so nice that nobody could ever tell her she sounded like a cat going through a mangle, she did actually offer her services at a friends wedding and the bride tactfully refused by insisting that she wanted her to 'enjoy the day as a guest'.

I'm wondering if you're my old friend 😂

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 08/06/2021 05:23

@Toomuchtrouble4me

AH - So the agreement was that you DH would sing and play the guitar, and then on the day you hopped onto the stage and grabbed the attention without the bride having any knowledge that you were going to do this (in your white shoes😆) that’s why she’s pissed off. I would LOVE to hear her version of events. How could you post this without asking DH “did she know I was going to sing?” Answer - you KNOW that she wasn’t aware. I think you’re both bonkers.
You've misunderstood the situation. If you'd read the all OP's posts properly, you would see there had been no prior agreement and that the hired band pulled out on the very day of the wedding. There was no OP "hopping on the stage and grabbing all the attention without the bride having any knowledge" on the day.
Jolly20 · 08/06/2021 06:15

Pp

GodolphinHorne · 08/06/2021 06:38

@XingMing

So grateful I married before big celeb weddings. Our thirteen guests and lunch, followed by a one night honeymoon would be too infra dig now. At the time, we had nothing. Two baby businesses. Negative equity. No rich parents to fund a fantasy.
If you want to be competitively humble, we had seven guests and lunch, and no honeymoon at all, only three years ago. But, so what?

The size of the wedding is not the point, here. And I am not sure how you are inferring ‘celeb’ involvement.

Ddot · 08/06/2021 06:52

I know someone has said it but phrase bat shit crazy comes to mind.
Jealous ungrateful BSC . If you hadn't offered to fill in she would have blamed you for ruining the day anyway loose loose. Poor poor groom. As for the white shoes she is grasping at straws.

Ddot · 08/06/2021 06:53

Who ever said your unreasonable is barking

DrSbaitso · 08/06/2021 07:16

@ispepsiokay

I knew a lovely girl who was convinced she could sing, her mum told her she sang like an angel, she joined a band, she sang in pubs and lived for karaoke nights.

Problem was she was so nice that nobody could ever tell her she sounded like a cat going through a mangle, she did actually offer her services at a friends wedding and the bride tactfully refused by insisting that she wanted her to 'enjoy the day as a guest'.

I'm wondering if you're my old friend 😂

How did she get a band to accept her if she was so bad?

Vocalists are the easiest ones to find, there's billions of them. Bass players are harder and drummers are gold dust.

rainbowstardrops · 08/06/2021 07:25

I reckon she's jealous of you. You and your DH did a really lovely thing.

CircleofWillis · 08/06/2021 07:27

How did she get a band to accept her if she was so bad?

Vocalists are the easiest ones to find, there's billions of them. Bass players are harder and drummers are gold dust.

I was wondering this as well. She can't be as bad as you say if a band was happy for her to front them.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 08/06/2021 07:38

So you basically saved her wedding and went to a load of trouble and stress and she's p'd off you were too good?!
For gods sake keep your distance!
She should have sent a gushing thank you text and sent you some beers/bouquet and be eternally grateful Hmm

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 08/06/2021 07:41

@Dogscanteatonions

Unless they were these shoes she's batshit.
Love it! 😘
LongTimeMammaBear · 08/06/2021 07:53

@WeddingSingers yes, you did a nice thing by singing at the wedding - you were asked. You did not just jump up on stage and take over. That the bride knew before you bd your DH did that and the bride did not say before you and your DH did that (so presuming a few hours between en of ceremony wen she was told, after photos, meal, speeches) she had plenty of time to mull it over and say that she didn’t want that solution to the band cancelling in the day.

This doesn’t seem to be about you (nor your white shoes) but about her general unhappiness or unhappiness about other things and she is lashing out at you.

You have again done the right thing by sharing the message with your DH and he addressing direct with the groom. Not replying with the current state of the bride (not staying with her new DH) is the best thing. Something is going on with her and it’s not you. Ignore. If the bride and groom work things out, this could maybe be forgotten but replying may escalate for the matter to become more than it needs to be, given bride’s current state. Yes, you have every right to reply and yes, you should be thanked for helping them out, as you’re not in the wrong, just continue to be the better person you are.

Yellowhighheels · 08/06/2021 08:02

I wonder a bit though, just giving her the benefit of the doubt (overinvested), whether the bride had a quick moan to her DH privately. He has tried to deflect things by saying 'well OP and DP insisted they wanted to help and wouldn't take no for an answer' and she has worked herself up about every detail. Of course he would have now said he'd got into a row with her as he never would have meant for any of the moan to get back to OP.

Bangolads · 08/06/2021 08:04

Don’t reply!! She’s completely and utterly in the wrong. Sometimes what we don’t say is far more powerful than what we do say and by responding you are almost validating her madness. Have faith and ignore.

Yellowhighheels · 08/06/2021 08:04

Saying that after seeing the update that she didn't find out about the band cancelling and OP stepping in until very close to the time. I can see a micromanager not being happy with that however good or innocuous they were.

amoreamore28 · 08/06/2021 08:06

I agree with Sleepinglikealog. Let your DH deal with it. Don’t apologise. Don’t reply. You have done nothing wrong. In fact, the opposite as you have gone out of your way to help.

TopBlogger · 08/06/2021 08:16

I would take it as a compliment that the only thing she can possibly wring out of the situation to have a go about...is your WHITE SHOES Grin hilarious!

You must have done a blooming good job if a self obsessed, unthankful, moaning bride can only come up with that!

IntermittentParps · 08/06/2021 09:42

I'm also somewhat glad that they spoke because there were clearly some other issues going on too.
That's the understatement of the month Grin
Good for you and your DH for fighting your corner. People on here saying you should have apologised, been magnanimous etc have clearly never come across people like this bride. Some people just need calling the fuck out.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 08/06/2021 10:15

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter

Well, she accused you of making her wedding all about you and now it seems you've managed to make the last few days all about you too. Hmm I'm firmly in the camp that I can't think of anything worse than a non-professional singer deciding they're going to do backing vocals at my wedding. I find it hilarious that you and your DH thought that was appropriate. To then decide that you can't possibly ignore her message or send a magnanimous response but instead have to involve your DH and her DH in the middle of it all... Grin thanks for the laughs OP. She may have been a controlling bride but my goodness you're a nightmare guest.
👏
Ddot · 08/06/2021 10:18

You can be my friend 💐

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 08/06/2021 10:19

Am I the only one who think of OP as Phoebe Bouffait (sp?) singing Smelly Cat and the difference between the actual sound and Phoebe’s perception of how she sounded?

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 08/06/2021 10:28

I think there are absolutely loads of mean spirited comments here. Classic MN scrabbling around trying to think of a way to have a go at the OP.

The groom could have turned down the offer of a proffessional musician playing a few songs at his wedding. He chose not to. If the bride was unhappy it's the groom she should take it up with.

The bride is very clearly a nightmare given that she's complaining about the colour of OP's shoes so all the speculations about OP being tone deaf or basically insinuating that she got up on stage totally out of the blue just seem like desperate attempts to have a go at the OP. (Seems like lots of posters live to have a go at people on here!).

DrSbaitso · 08/06/2021 10:28

The groom had heard OP and her husband performing together and was happy have them play. Even Bridezilla didn't criticise the quality of the performance.

If they sounded like most guitar/singer/backing singer performers that you hear in the pub or on open mic nights, then they'll have been absolutely fine. Maybe not about to play Christine and the Phantom, but quite pleasant enough to hear.

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 08/06/2021 10:53

So sorry you got such a horrible response about such a nice thing that you did. You did nothing wrong, and I hope she eventually realises it.

AnneKipanki · 08/06/2021 10:56

Thanks for your update @WeddingSingers.