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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

503 replies

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:08

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
D0D0 · 07/06/2021 20:43

Then, on the day, your co-organiser or assistant (depending on how involved the groom had been) gets information that the entertainment can't make it. He decides not to tell you; arranges for his friend who is a musician to be the entertainment...

The husband does all that but you think it’s not appropriate that the husband then deals with the batshit rude ‘fallout’ and that somehow the OP is ‘less than’?

Riiigghhhttt....

Why did the Bride not message the OPs DH directly do you think?

Babygotblueyes · 07/06/2021 20:43

Being charitable, if she did not know there was a problem and suddenly someone got up and was doing something that drew attention, you could see why she had a reaction. The white shoes thing sounds like something you would say once you got worked up and were looking for other things to bolster your annoyance. But that is for her husband to tell her I think. And then for her to apologise about.

XingMing · 07/06/2021 20:50

@Alibaa.... actually the word you want is not sanctimonious but frugal. There was when I married NO money, none, not any, for a big frock or a lavish reception. I have worn my wedding dress to three weddings since I was married in it, with other accessories. Over 20 plus years... it still (gulp) just fits!

BlueButtercups · 07/06/2021 20:50

@WeddingSingers

Hi all, Thank you so much for all your responses - I'll be honest, I've just got home and haven't had a chance to read them all. I got up to about page 10!! I'm enjoying that there's a split between people who think she's upset because I'm so beautiful and talented and people who think she's upset because I sing like a banshee on meth haha. I showed DH the message and he forwarded it to his friend last night. DH spoke to him today and apparently they had a huge row about it (and about some other things) and she left and spent last night somewhere else! I feel awful now for kicking up a fuss and think that maybe I should've just ignored it. BUT, I'm also somewhat glad that they spoke because there were clearly some other issues going on too.

🤣😂

OP you crack me up.. you sound fantastic...

everyone is right.. what has the Groom signed up too 😳🌸

FeeFi100 · 07/06/2021 20:52

WimpoleHat

I think I’d say, “for the record, my DH asked me to help him to do a favour for your DH. All arranged by them. I can’t say it was particular fun for me at the time and it certainly isn’t now. Please don’t contact me again. All the best.” And don’t ever speak to her again....

👆👆 Id totally write this.

gabsalot · 07/06/2021 20:55

well sounds like hes got himself a right one there op

you did nothing wrong

AllDoneIn · 07/06/2021 21:04

I have a guilty love of batshit bride threads Grin

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/06/2021 21:14

@WeddingSingers

Hi all, Thank you so much for all your responses - I'll be honest, I've just got home and haven't had a chance to read them all. I got up to about page 10!! I'm enjoying that there's a split between people who think she's upset because I'm so beautiful and talented and people who think she's upset because I sing like a banshee on meth haha. I showed DH the message and he forwarded it to his friend last night. DH spoke to him today and apparently they had a huge row about it (and about some other things) and she left and spent last night somewhere else! I feel awful now for kicking up a fuss and think that maybe I should've just ignored it. BUT, I'm also somewhat glad that they spoke because there were clearly some other issues going on too.
It does sound as if the wedding was what she cared about, not necessarily the marriage Sad.

And you did do a nice thing. She's just batshit.

ChateauMargaux · 07/06/2021 21:19

I'm in the 'eek' camp.

I haven't read all of the posts but love your summary that you are either very beautiful and talented or you sing like a banshee on meth.

I hope you and DH have had the 'we might not perfect, but thank we are not that bad!" conversation!

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 07/06/2021 21:23

I give the marriage 10 months. Any other bets?

whittingtonmum · 07/06/2021 21:26

I would ignore the message. If DH feels so inclined he can sort it out via his mate.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 07/06/2021 21:41

AH - So the agreement was that you DH would sing and play the guitar, and then on the day you hopped onto the stage and grabbed the attention without the bride having any knowledge that you were going to do this (in your white shoes😆) that’s why she’s pissed off. I would LOVE to hear her version of events.
How could you post this without asking DH “did she know I was going to sing?” Answer - you KNOW that she wasn’t aware. I think you’re both bonkers.

Original poster
WeddingSingers · 07/06/2021 21:44

Just to clarify a few things - the Groom knew that I would also be singing. We post a few of our recordings on SoundCloud and YouTube from time to time so he had heard my voice and obviously knew DH's credentials. The bride knew by the time of the performance what was happening - the groom just didn't want to tell her before the ceremony and/or before he'd found an alternative.

OP posts:
BlueButtercups · 07/06/2021 21:51

@WeddingSingers

Just to clarify a few things - the Groom knew that I would also be singing. We post a few of our recordings on SoundCloud and YouTube from time to time so he had heard my voice and obviously knew DH's credentials. The bride knew by the time of the performance what was happening - the groom just didn't want to tell her before the ceremony and/or before he'd found an alternative.

Hopefully you'll get more Gigs too 🤣

that will end her sanity 🥴

MimosaFields · 07/06/2021 21:56

@SmidgenofaPigeon

White shoes though? With a navy dress?

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo.

Classic fashion not your thing? Ever heard of nautical combinations?
WiddlinDiddlin · 07/06/2021 22:05

I want to hear what you and your DH sound like now...

Also she is clearly nuts, poor DH's friend.

thelonghaul · 07/06/2021 22:05

what @SleepingLikeALog said. Otherwise, don't engage.

orangecinnamon · 07/06/2021 22:13

I'd like the Soundcloud link so I can tell the ones calling you a Banshee attention seeker to do one 'cause you are fab!

DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 22:25

@Toomuchtrouble4me

AH - So the agreement was that you DH would sing and play the guitar, and then on the day you hopped onto the stage and grabbed the attention without the bride having any knowledge that you were going to do this (in your white shoes😆) that’s why she’s pissed off. I would LOVE to hear her version of events. How could you post this without asking DH “did she know I was going to sing?” Answer - you KNOW that she wasn’t aware. I think you’re both bonkers.
Fuck's sake. Backing vocals are a thing. They make a song sound better. That's why they get used so much.
sweatervest · 07/06/2021 22:52

i am pmsl at the bride and groom shoes and do you not WISH you'd worn those?!?!?!?!

i hope she gets more calmer soon.

sweatervest · 07/06/2021 22:53

it's not like you got wilson phillips to sing as backing backing to the backing vocals
i love kirsten wiig

Pingu32 · 07/06/2021 23:16

I would just reply
'It's a real shame you feel like that when we were trying to help you out of a shit unexpected situation. I guess it's the boys' friendship that matters though so think best to leave it to them to sort out any misunderstandings'

impossible · 07/06/2021 23:23

I'm with SleepingLikeALog - get your husband to pass the message to the groom and let him deal with it. Transparency is definitely the best way forward here - no room for misunderstanding or manipulation.

And well done! It sounds like you and your dh did a great job.

BlueButtercups · 08/06/2021 00:23

I showed DH the message and he forwarded it to his friend last night. DH spoke to him today and apparently they had a huge row about it (and about some other things) and she left and spent last night somewhere else! I feel awful now for kicking up a fuss and think that maybe I should've just ignored it. BUT, I'm also somewhat glad that they spoke because there were clearly some other issues going on too.

OP has updated.

Mothership4two · 08/06/2021 00:51

I'd leave it now OP unless she brings it up again. If she does then say what you have said here - you've been quite reasonable. But ask for a "thank you"! How would she have felt with no music at all? She sounds like a total nightmare.

Personally I would not be feeling bad about their row. That's up to them and nothing to do with you or your dh. The bridegroom is quite justified imo to know about it and to pull her up on it.