AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

[WeddingSingers]

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

Wow, there are some nuts people on this thread! What is it about weddings that makes people lose the plot?!

The bride is clearly rude as fuck, the OP and her DH deserve thanking not insults about limelight-stealing shoes (wtf?!) and I'm not surprised to hear her marriage is on the rocks already, she sounds self obsessed and unpleasant with no clue about what's really important in life. (Clue, friends not shoes).

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter must be the bride!

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter

Well, she accused you of making her wedding all about you and now it seems you've managed to make the last few days all about you too. I'm firmly in the camp that I can't think of anything worse than a non-professional singer deciding they're going to do backing vocals at my wedding. I find it hilarious that you and your DH thought that was appropriate. To then decide that you can't possibly ignore her message or send a magnanimous response but instead have to involve your DH and her DH in the middle of it all... thanks for the laughs OP. She may have been a controlling bride but my goodness you're a nightmare guest.

So the OP and her DH should have declined and done what stick Spotify on?!

Given it effected both of her and her DH yep he had a right to know.
Brides behaviour was abhorrent and should be called out for it!

OP I'm already married but your welcome to sing at any vow renewal anytime! I am in the UK though!

@Killahangilion
Anyone that wants to control the whole wedding experience to that extent is clearly an unhappy person

Oh come on. My wedding was pretty inexpensive and informal but the majority of people do care about stuff like music, the dance, the food etc. Nothing weird about it.

She is being ungr

I agree her comment about the shoes is batshit. Probably more about how she was first expecting a professional band of X type, then had to settle for DH best man strumming away, then suddenly DH best man has his attractive wife turning up to accompany unexpectedly.

Bridezilla was over the top but I stick to the point that if the understanding was that best man would be filling in as a solo performer, would probably have better to have stick just with that - rather than suddenly appearing as duo (without knowledge of the groom or the bride?)

Why are some people, such as PP above, assuming that 'non professional singer' = crap? My mum, for instance, has never had any training or performed but has an absolutely cracking voice. Sadly it isn't genetic!

Care to the extent of thinking about it, yes. Sending an abusive message a fortnight later to people who helped fix a problem by agreement with the groom, one of them being the groom's close, possibly best friend, yes, that's weird.

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter

Well, she accused you of making her wedding all about you and now it seems you've managed to make the last few days all about you too. I'm firmly in the camp that I can't think of anything worse than a non-professional singer deciding they're going to do backing vocals at my wedding. I find it hilarious that you and your DH thought that was appropriate. To then decide that you can't possibly ignore her message or send a magnanimous response but instead have to involve your DH and her DH in the middle of it all... thanks for the laughs OP. She may have been a controlling bride but my goodness you're a nightmare guest.

Is this the bridezilla herself?

Jealous and very insecure.

So grateful I married before big celeb weddings. Our thirteen guests and lunch, followed by a one night honeymoon would be too infra dig now. At the time, we had nothing. Two baby businesses. Negative equity. No rich parents to fund a fantasy.

She's a knob! I'll second sending her an invoice.

[quote supermoonrising]@Killahangilion
Anyone that wants to control the whole wedding experience to that extent is clearly an unhappy person

Oh come on. My wedding was pretty inexpensive and informal but the majority of people do care about stuff like music, the dance, the food etc. Nothing weird about it.[/quote]
So you’d not allow your groom to make a last minute decision regarding your joint wedding, but expect him to run every little thing past you for approval first??

That’s seriously controlling behaviour.

She is bat shit crazy, jealous and ungrateful.

You and your husband were amazing; hopefully one day she will come to her senses and realise and you get a belated thank you.

@XingMing

So grateful I married before big celeb weddings. Our thirteen guests and lunch, followed by a one night honeymoon would be too infra dig now. At the time, we had nothing. Two baby businesses. Negative equity. No rich parents to fund a fantasy.

I don’t much care for big weddings either, but you sound very sanctimonious.

I think leaving your DH to deal with it was the right decision. Do not feel bad - you've done nothing wrong.
You're more polite than me though, my reply would have been, "Get fucked, you rude bitch."

"Youre fucking nuts, dont cintact me again." Would do nicely.

I get she was pissed off about the change to her wedding plans and OPs white shoes but there were three people involved in that situation and yet OP was the one getting the shitty message. Why not OP's DH or the groom ?

And of course you don't have to be a professional singer to have a great voice!! I've had lots of vocal training and done many performances, but it's not my job, so I'm not a 'professional singer'. My voice is still awesome though!!

If the husband is like most guitar/singers, he won't have had any professional vocal training either. While he may not be about to play Jean Valjean in the West End, practise and a musical ear will most likely have given him an in tune and entirely decent voice for the kind of songs he plays. I expect OP is the same.

Many (most?) professional singers can't read music and few of the guitarists I know can. Those who can learned it through playing other instruments like piano and sax.

Unfortunately, live music is a performing art and it's very hard to do without being there. I suppose you could do it with a curtain over your head lest you DRAW ATTENTION with a LOOK AT ME PERFORMANCE like a TERRIBLE PERSON, but that has a tendency to fuck with the acoustics.

Good that your DH has taken the action he has... that was the right call.

Another option would have been to reply simply with the link to this thread...!

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter ... you are absolutely off your tits!

I'm not the bride. I didn't even have a band at my wedding. But this entire thread is mad.
Take it away from wedding organising (because it seems to be acceptable to term women as controlling when usually what it means is the groom has left the bulk of the organising to them).
You're organising an important event. You're shouldering most (if not all) of the responsibility for the decisions. Then, on the day, your co-organiser or assistant (depending on how involved the groom had been) gets information that the entertainment can't make it. He decides not to tell you; arranges for his friend who is a musician to be the entertainment and then the friend's wife decides to get involved too. All of it without your knowledge. And, from the OP's reaction, it's obvious that the OP and the bride aren't close. So there seems to be the added dynamic that someone you don't particularly like has somehow ended up with a high profile role at your event. Then they also decide to clype to your DH because they can't work out how to answer a text (with the added bonus that they also shared the story on a site that regularly ends up on the homepage of national newspapers)

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter : are you on glue?

I’d write what Hugoslavia said