Do I stop DDs swimming lessons?

StopTheSwim · 2021-06-06T18:51:53+00:00

She’s 6, almost 7 (school year 2 if it's relevant) Still in stage 1. All her friends are on stage 3 or 4, a few are on stage 6 and about to stop completely. DD absolutely loves swimming, has completed most of stage 1 and is ready for stage 2 but she will not put her head in the water for backstroke. She’s the same in the bath at home, she also doesn’t like her hair being washed. I’ve taken her swimming myself and shown her, we’ve tried practising in the bath, ExH has encouraged her in the paddling pool in his garden but she just won’t put her head in the water. ExH says she won’t shower at his house either (he only has a shower no bath – he only has her EOW for 1 night so we work around it). She hates having her hair washed too that I literally only do it once a week after swimming because I have to pin her down to do it. And I hate it. She’s had 1-1 lessons this week over half term due to no-one else in her class turning up, teacher in the water with her and she still wouldn’t put her head in the water. Everything else she’s mastered. She just freezes with her neck above the water and won’t move it. I’m getting frustrated that I’m paying for her to be in Stage 1 when she’s ready for 2 or maybe even 3, the teachers getting frustrated that she’s ready to move on, I think even poor DD wishes she could do it and move up to the next group. I’m paying roughly £6 a lesson so while it’s not hugely expensive, it is frustrating. For added context DD has some medical issues. A joint condition that is greatly improved both pain wise and with strengthening the joints by swimming and that’s why I’ve held out for so long. She’s suspected dyslexic too. She’s absolutely fine putting her face in the water as long as she has goggles on and covid rules means she’s wearing a swimming hat but it’s not improved her doing backstroke. I feel torn as it has such great benefits to her medically and currently you can’t book a none swimming lesson due to covid rules so it could be awhile before I can take her myself which is also stopping me and as I said every other part of swimming she absolutely loves. So AIBU to stop the lessons? YANBU - Stop the lessons YABU - Let her carry on

Dilbertian · 06/06/2021 19:53

Has she tried earplugs? The sort specially for swimming.

HandfulofDust · 06/06/2021 19:54

Keep going. My dS was the same (where as DD was the opposite she'd jump in the deep in before bring able to swim). He suddenly got the hang of it and went from stage 1 to 5 in a year. Just keep plugging at it, keep encouraging her to put her head down. Take her swimming yourself one on one do you can really focus on the head under bit.

Original poster

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 19:55

@HandfulofDust

Keep going. My dS was the same (where as DD was the opposite she'd jump in the deep in before bring able to swim). He suddenly got the hang of it and went from stage 1 to 5 in a year. Just keep plugging at it, keep encouraging her to put her head down. Take her swimming yourself one on one do you can really focus on the head under bit.

Its the head back bit for backstroke she hates, she's been in stage 1 for nearly 2 years which is why it's frustrating me I think.

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Dilbertian · 06/06/2021 19:57

Alternatively find a school that doesn't slavishly follow the gradings. that's what I did. So my dc couldn't do a perfect butterfly stroke - does that mean they shouldn't learn more skills? There's more than one grading scheme. The swimschool my dc went to required you to achieve something like 7 out of 10 in order to move up a grade.

Username7521 · 06/06/2021 19:57

I would have said leave it until you mentioned how good it is for her medical conditions. It’s no impact strengthening and unless you find something to replace if I would continue

Original poster

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 19:58

@Username7521

I would have said leave it until you mentioned how good it is for her medical conditions. It’s no impact strengthening and unless you find something to replace if I would continue

Thats what's making me hesitate the impact on her medical condition.

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Notaroadrunner · 06/06/2021 19:58

Dd was similar and Ds too. I took both out as they weren't progressing with their groups. Dd then had one to one lessons age 11 and flew it. She's big into watersports now. Ds hasn't gone back to lessons but has recently taken to the sea too. He was like your dd and still doesn't enjoy getting his hair washed in the shower but he's much better than he was. Hopefully it will come to your dd in time. You can still take her swimming yourselves, but without the pressure of having to do levels and tick boxes to progress.

Theforest · 06/06/2021 19:59

My eldest refused to put his face in water. In the end, I stopped lessons as he wasn't progressing and the swim teacher wasn't really helpful.
They had school lessons in year 4 where he was then ok (about a year later).

Started lessons again at different centre and he progressed to stage 10.

So a break can be good.

Original poster

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 19:59

@Dilbertian

Alternatively find a school that doesn't slavishly follow the gradings. that's what I did. So my dc couldn't do a perfect butterfly stroke - does that mean they shouldn't learn more skills? There's more than one grading scheme. The swimschool my dc went to required you to achieve something like 7 out of 10 in order to move up a grade.

This is the council run leisure centre following swim england programme, the next nearest swimming pool has their own programme but it's £150 a term and I can't really afford that.

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Original poster

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:02

@Theforest

My eldest refused to put his face in water. In the end, I stopped lessons as he wasn't progressing and the swim teacher wasn't really helpful. They had school lessons in year 4 where he was then ok (about a year later).

Started lessons again at different centre and he progressed to stage 10.

So a break can be good.

This is the council run leisure centre, the next nearest pool runs it's own programme but it's £150 a term (a term of 6 lessons) which I can't really afford. Next nearest after that is run by the same people as the one she goes to and has the same teachers.

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1Morewineplease · 06/06/2021 20:03

Could you just leave the lessons, for now, and just take her swimming yourself? Just so that she can keep up with the practise?
She'll ( hopefully) have school swimming lessons in Year 4.

Original poster

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:05

@1Morewineplease

Could you just leave the lessons, for now, and just take her swimming yourself? Just so that she can keep up with the practise? She'll ( hopefully) have school swimming lessons in Year 4.

I'm happy to take her myself but at the moment you can't book in for a swim they're not doing public swims at all so I don't know how long it'll be before she gets in the pool again and thats bad for her joint condition.

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scully29 · 06/06/2021 20:06

I think that whole stage 1 thing is the problem, its a load of nonsense for some kids. Mines stuck in stage 1 despite being able to swim a length under water. Doesn't need floats or anything. I guess because he wont jump in off the side? I dont know. I think its worth sticking at it as its all practice, and the reason I want them to be able to swim is for safety and for fun, not so they can do exactly what the swim curriculum says they should do in each stage. Id say if they enjoy it keep at it for practice, or if not take them swimming weekly without lessons for practice - safety and fun is more important than putting your head under the water. Ive said il stay in stage 1 this half term and if not moving up for september il just go free style, they can completely swim already and its supposed to be fun!

Original poster

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:08

@scully29

I think that whole stage 1 thing is the problem, its a load of nonsense for some kids. Mines stuck in stage 1 despite being able to swim a length under water. Doesn't need floats or anything. I guess because he wont jump in off the side? I dont know. I think its worth sticking at it as its all practice, and the reason I want them to be able to swim is for safety and for fun, not so they can do exactly what the swim curriculum says they should do in each stage. Id say if they enjoy it keep at it for practice, or if not take them swimming weekly without lessons for practice - safety and fun is more important than putting your head under the water. Ive said il stay in stage 1 this half term and if not moving up for september il just go free style, they can completely swim already and its supposed to be fun!

I think thats a good idea actually, stick at it until they reopen public swimming and if she's not progressed by then take her myself for practice each week.

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scully29 · 06/06/2021 20:09

No swimming without lessons at your pool!? That's mad! Can you find a nice hotel/spa place that allows non guests to come in for the day? Or are you close enough to the sea? We are a tourist area so lots of hotel swim choices but our normal pools are open for non lesson swims. Swimmings so important but should be fun!

Billybagpuss · 06/06/2021 20:09

Keep going with the lessons, but take advantage of any natural break in the summer holidays.

If you can then go swimming as a family as often as possible and just let her have some fun in the water in a more relaxed environment, hopefully she’ll relax and mature and it will just happen when she’s not really thinking about it.

Dilbertian · 06/06/2021 20:10

Has she tried earplugs?

Original poster

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:10

@Billybagpuss

Keep going with the lessons, but take advantage of any natural break in the summer holidays.

If you can then go swimming as a family as often as possible and just let her have some fun in the water in a more relaxed environment, hopefully she’ll relax and mature and it will just happen when she’s not really thinking about it.

No break over the summer it continues as normal each week,

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keres · 06/06/2021 20:11

How does she respond if you encourage her to swim with her head against your shoulder or hold your hand under her head? Could you get in the bath with her and practice? Would you discuss with teachers letting her go up a level and at least learn the other skills while continuing to work on putting her head back?

Original poster

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:13

@scully29

No swimming without lessons at your pool!? That's mad! Can you find a nice hotel/spa place that allows non guests to come in for the day? Or are you close enough to the sea? We are a tourist area so lots of hotel swim choices but our normal pools are open for non lesson swims. Swimmings so important but should be fun!

It's the only swimming pool thats council run in a 10 mile area so they offer swimming lessons every night of the week. They open for public swims over the weekend but haven't run any at all since March 2020, the facebook page says they're trying to get permission off the council but the next nearest council centre is run by the same company and has just been hit by indian variant so it's unlikely they'll reopen for public swims anytime soon.

The other swim centre runs it's own programme but is privately run and costs £150. There's a hotel with a very small pool nearby that I think is open to the public so I can look into that but it's not very deep or very big at all, less than 10m across (Council run ones are 25m, and the private one is 18m)

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terrywynne · 06/06/2021 20:15

I was like this. I was taken out of lessons for about half a year - did another activity for that time and went swimming for fun. After that six months I asked to go back to swimming (and now i love floating on my back)

Covid is a complicating factor if you can't swim outside lessons so I would also keeping going until you can casual swim and then consider a break.

Original poster

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:15

@keres

How does she respond if you encourage her to swim with her head against your shoulder or hold your hand under her head? Could you get in the bath with her and practice? Would you discuss with teachers letting her go up a level and at least learn the other skills while continuing to work on putting her head back?

I'll try and discuss with the teacher that maybe.

I've tried putting my hand on her head in the bath but she won't do it, she panics and flaps about screaming saying she doesn't like it and to stop.

I've never tried getting her to swim against my shoulder, I will try that next time we go thank you.

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Hellocatshome · 06/06/2021 20:16

So she can put her face in for freestyle, breaststroke but not the back of her head in for backstroke? Would she rest her neck on a woggle so she is nearly in the right position then she can practice the stroke and build up to removing the woggle?

HandfulofDust · 06/06/2021 20:17

DS had swimming lessons (expensive private ones too!) From 3 until 7 making minimal progress. Suddenly he just got it. It was important to keep him in the water. That said if it's only the back stroke she can't do I wouldn't keep her in stage 1 lessons. Find a more flexible swimming teacher who will teach her front crawl or breast stroke.

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:20

You need to find a swim school that don't so rigorously stick the gradings - it'll just make her more anxious and nervous and panicked. It's putting so much pressure on a 6 year old to do something she's not comfortable with or she'll lose something she enjoys. A good friend of mine is a paralympic swimmer - her swim school refused to move her up because they graded the groups based on their speed. She's pretty much paralysed on one side of her body so couldn't swim as fast as most people. They kept her in the bottom group (with the small children) until she got selected for the paralympics (as a young teen). Swim school metrics of success are weird to say the least.