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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I stop DDs swimming lessons?

107 replies

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 19:51

She’s 6, almost 7 (school year 2 if it's relevant)

Still in stage 1. All her friends are on stage 3 or 4, a few are on stage 6 and about to stop completely.

DD absolutely loves swimming, has completed most of stage 1 and is ready for stage 2 but she will not put her head in the water for backstroke.

She’s the same in the bath at home, she also doesn’t like her hair being washed.

I’ve taken her swimming myself and shown her, we’ve tried practising in the bath, ExH has encouraged her in the paddling pool in his garden but she just won’t put her head in the water. ExH says she won’t shower at his house either (he only has a shower no bath – he only has her EOW for 1 night so we work around it).

She hates having her hair washed too that I literally only do it once a week after swimming because I have to pin her down to do it. And I hate it.

She’s had 1-1 lessons this week over half term due to no-one else in her class turning up, teacher in the water with her and she still wouldn’t put her head in the water. Everything else she’s mastered.

She just freezes with her neck above the water and won’t move it. I’m getting frustrated that I’m paying for her to be in Stage 1 when she’s ready for 2 or maybe even 3, the teachers getting frustrated that she’s ready to move on, I think even poor DD wishes she could do it and move up to the next group.

I’m paying roughly £6 a lesson so while it’s not hugely expensive, it is frustrating.

For added context DD has some medical issues. A joint condition that is greatly improved both pain wise and with strengthening the joints by swimming and that’s why I’ve held out for so long. She’s suspected dyslexic too.

She’s absolutely fine putting her face in the water as long as she has goggles on and covid rules means she’s wearing a swimming hat but it’s not improved her doing backstroke.

I feel torn as it has such great benefits to her medically and currently you can’t book a none swimming lesson due to covid rules so it could be awhile before I can take her myself which is also stopping me and as I said every other part of swimming she absolutely loves.

So AIBU to stop the lessons?

YANBU - Stop the lessons
YABU - Let her carry on

OP posts:
Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:21

@HandfulofDust

DS had swimming lessons (expensive private ones too!) From 3 until 7 making minimal progress. Suddenly he just got it. It was important to keep him in the water. That said if it's only the back stroke she can't do I wouldn't keep her in stage 1 lessons. Find a more flexible swimming teacher who will teach her front crawl or breast stroke.
She's absolutely fine with everything else and starting to not use disks on her arms for swimming, but she will not do backstroke at all.
OP posts:
HandfulofDust · 06/06/2021 20:22

We'll it'll be a waste of time staying in stage 1 just because of a block with back stroke. Find a more flexible swim school or just go practise with her in a public pool. Obviously keep encouraging back stroke and it'll come eventually.

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:23

@Hellocatshome

So she can put her face in for freestyle, breaststroke but not the back of her head in for backstroke? Would she rest her neck on a woggle so she is nearly in the right position then she can practice the stroke and build up to removing the woggle?
As long as she's wearing goggles she'll happily put her face in the water to swim, can confidently do breaststroke.

Will try and suggest they use the woggle/noodle when I speak to her teacher that's a great idea thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:24

@HandfulofDust

We'll it'll be a waste of time staying in stage 1 just because of a block with back stroke. Find a more flexible swim school or just go practise with her in a public pool. Obviously keep encouraging back stroke and it'll come eventually.
I also feel like this a bit, plus she's taking up a space that a child whose never had lessons could take up.
OP posts:
Branleuse · 06/06/2021 20:24

I stopped my kids swimming lessons once they could swim properly.

After that we just go for fun or on holidays

user1471530109 · 06/06/2021 20:24

Have you tried bribing her? I'm only half joking! My dd (yr3) spent 2 years in stage 3 so I know your frustrations. She is stage 4 now and had an unfortunate incident in the deep end and panicked. Despite swimming in the deep end no problem for 6 months she refused to let go of the side for weeks.

In the end, the thing that worked was saying if she tried her best to do it I'd let her have her friend over for a sleep over! I didn't actually say she 'had to do it' but I had to see her really try. Anyway. She did it! She got her sleepover and now I'm hoping she will tick off the last little thing and move up.

partyatthepalace · 06/06/2021 20:25

Of course she should carry on - it’s an important life skill and it sounds like it has extra benefits for her.

She’ll just get it at some point. (Unless you stop the classes.)

junebirthdaygirl · 06/06/2021 20:27

She may have some sensory issues particularly pertaining to her head. Could she have some sensory work done separately to lessen this. Here l know a little guy you had that and an Occupational Therapist worked with him but there are others who do sensory work too.
My own ds was like this and had intensive one on one swimming lessons every day for a week and by the Friday he had come through. He now, as an adult, does cliff jumping etc.

BettyBurntBuns · 06/06/2021 20:27

Due to covid rules they have to wear a cap? Right that’s a bit dumb that people actually consider that a covid rule....

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:28

@user1471530109

Have you tried bribing her? I'm only half joking! My dd (yr3) spent 2 years in stage 3 so I know your frustrations. She is stage 4 now and had an unfortunate incident in the deep end and panicked. Despite swimming in the deep end no problem for 6 months she refused to let go of the side for weeks.

In the end, the thing that worked was saying if she tried her best to do it I'd let her have her friend over for a sleep over! I didn't actually say she 'had to do it' but I had to see her really try. Anyway. She did it! She got her sleepover and now I'm hoping she will tick off the last little thing and move up.

Will try that for next weeks lesson, she really wants to make a cake for her dad for Father's Day so if she tries her best she can make a cake in whatever flavour she wants.

Thanks for that.

(She has got her dad another present this would just be an extra)

OP posts:
user1471530109 · 06/06/2021 20:29

And I personally think swimming is really worth persevering with. I think it teaches them so much including keeping on at something to improve- perseverence and resilience. I know it's a weekly pain especially if more than one kid. But my eldest (11)has got to stage 9 now and is like a fish. She does loads of different watersports too. I never had swimming lessons and I wish I could swim even half as good as her.

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:30

@BettyBurntBuns

Due to covid rules they have to wear a cap? Right that’s a bit dumb that people actually consider that a covid rule....
No sorry, not a covid rule as such it's always been a rule but they're much stricter on it now since covid, so less children not wearing the caps where before you'd have 4 or 5 in group of 10 not wearing them now it'll be 1 or 2.
OP posts:
Thatswatshesaid · 06/06/2021 20:30

Will she put her head back off the bed or on a swing. It sounds like she has some vestibule issues. There are exercises you can do out of the water to make her more comfortable.

SpringBluebellWoods · 06/06/2021 20:30

Would she be up for lying back in the bath with literally 1cm of water? So little that she’s barely in it. Then lots of praise, maybe a little reward. Sit up, run bath normally etc. Then next time 2cm, and so on (or keep going at 5cm for a while, if that’s really anxiety provoking, before trying anything deeper). I’m thinking of the sort of graded exposure that they use for phobias.

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:31

@user1471530109

And I personally think swimming is really worth persevering with. I think it teaches them so much including keeping on at something to improve- perseverence and resilience. I know it's a weekly pain especially if more than one kid. But my eldest (11)has got to stage 9 now and is like a fish. She does loads of different watersports too. I never had swimming lessons and I wish I could swim even half as good as her.
Only 1 child here thankfully.

She absolutely loves it apart from this, which is why I do hesitate about stopping her going.

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 06/06/2021 20:32

Have you asked her what it is that she doesn't like?

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:33

@Thatswatshesaid

Will she put her head back off the bed or on a swing. It sounds like she has some vestibule issues. There are exercises you can do out of the water to make her more comfortable.
She puts her head on her pillow for bed fine although tends to sleep on her side.
OP posts:
Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:34

@SpringBluebellWoods

Would she be up for lying back in the bath with literally 1cm of water? So little that she’s barely in it. Then lots of praise, maybe a little reward. Sit up, run bath normally etc. Then next time 2cm, and so on (or keep going at 5cm for a while, if that’s really anxiety provoking, before trying anything deeper). I’m thinking of the sort of graded exposure that they use for phobias.
I can try that thank you.
OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 06/06/2021 20:35

Why not just take her swimming, forget the lessons and let her enjoy herself?
Recommence lessons when she feels ready and would like too.
Forcing it will be miserable for everyone.

KizzyKat91 · 06/06/2021 20:36

Does she wear a swim cap? If not, maybe try one and tell her it will stop her hair and back of her head from getting wet.

Cattitudes · 06/06/2021 20:37

Could it be partly to do with her condition? One of mine is hypermobile and we had to ditch formal lessons because he just didn't have that control. We found a good 121 teacher who specialised in children with disabilities who would work around him and his strengths. Maybe enquire at the centre if they have any similar support. We ditched the levels and focused on safety, stamina and enjoyment. He also found the class lessons more confusing and hard to focus.

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:37

@KizzyKat91

Does she wear a swim cap? If not, maybe try one and tell her it will stop her hair and back of her head from getting wet.
She chooses to wear one yes.
OP posts:
Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:39

@Cattitudes

Could it be partly to do with her condition? One of mine is hypermobile and we had to ditch formal lessons because he just didn't have that control. We found a good 121 teacher who specialised in children with disabilities who would work around him and his strengths. Maybe enquire at the centre if they have any similar support. We ditched the levels and focused on safety, stamina and enjoyment. He also found the class lessons more confusing and hard to focus.
Hypermobility is one of her conditions, I hadn't thought that it might be that causing the issues although she's mostly affected in her limbs.

She finds the classes themselves enjoyable, follows whats going on, occasionally forgets whats been said but we think thats the dyslexia rather than HM.

She's done the majority of stage 1 its just this one thing she can't do. She really loves jumping in and looks forward to that bit of the lesson.

OP posts:
Original poster
StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 20:39

@mineofuselessinformation

Have you asked her what it is that she doesn't like?
Yes, she says she just don't like it.
OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 06/06/2021 20:40

If she enjoys it I would let her continue.
Maybe ask them to lay off the backstroke for a few weeks, and you can try and work on it at home.
Or as someone suggested carry on until public swimming starts again, then have a break from lessons.
She's only 6 after all and backstroke is not the be all and end all
Just try and avoid putting her off altogether by putting too much pressure on her

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