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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I stop DDs swimming lessons?

107 replies

StopTheSwim · 06/06/2021 19:51

She’s 6, almost 7 (school year 2 if it's relevant)

Still in stage 1. All her friends are on stage 3 or 4, a few are on stage 6 and about to stop completely.

DD absolutely loves swimming, has completed most of stage 1 and is ready for stage 2 but she will not put her head in the water for backstroke.

She’s the same in the bath at home, she also doesn’t like her hair being washed.

I’ve taken her swimming myself and shown her, we’ve tried practising in the bath, ExH has encouraged her in the paddling pool in his garden but she just won’t put her head in the water. ExH says she won’t shower at his house either (he only has a shower no bath – he only has her EOW for 1 night so we work around it).

She hates having her hair washed too that I literally only do it once a week after swimming because I have to pin her down to do it. And I hate it.

She’s had 1-1 lessons this week over half term due to no-one else in her class turning up, teacher in the water with her and she still wouldn’t put her head in the water. Everything else she’s mastered.

She just freezes with her neck above the water and won’t move it. I’m getting frustrated that I’m paying for her to be in Stage 1 when she’s ready for 2 or maybe even 3, the teachers getting frustrated that she’s ready to move on, I think even poor DD wishes she could do it and move up to the next group.

I’m paying roughly £6 a lesson so while it’s not hugely expensive, it is frustrating.

For added context DD has some medical issues. A joint condition that is greatly improved both pain wise and with strengthening the joints by swimming and that’s why I’ve held out for so long. She’s suspected dyslexic too.

She’s absolutely fine putting her face in the water as long as she has goggles on and covid rules means she’s wearing a swimming hat but it’s not improved her doing backstroke.

I feel torn as it has such great benefits to her medically and currently you can’t book a none swimming lesson due to covid rules so it could be awhile before I can take her myself which is also stopping me and as I said every other part of swimming she absolutely loves.

So AIBU to stop the lessons?

YANBU - Stop the lessons
YABU - Let her carry on

OP posts:
Mellonsprite · 06/06/2021 23:26

I was like this, I absolutely hated the feeling of my head being under, and even though I swim regularly now I still don’t put face in properly.
When my DD had lessons at the very start I remember the instructor very gently pouring water over their hands legs the. heads with a toy watering can and speaking very soothingly to them, and there was both an instructor and helper in the water who would support any more hesitant ones and help them progress. It was all very nurturing and encouraging.
I would keep at it especially as it’s good for her joints.

Feelingbad2 · 06/06/2021 23:28

My son was like this, I gave him a year off then went back to it and he did much better

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 06/06/2021 23:51

Does it bother her that she's in the Stage 1 class?

If it doesn't and she's keen to go I'd carry on. It's good for her condition and eventually she'll get it.

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 07/06/2021 08:12

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn

Does it bother her that she's in the Stage 1 class?

If it doesn't and she's keen to go I'd carry on. It's good for her condition and eventually she'll get it.

Yes and no.

She loves being the oldest and showing the smaller ones how to swim but sometimes does say "My school friends are all in other colour stages and better than me"

OP posts:
scully29 · 07/06/2021 08:47

I realise its the need to float on your back as a safety thing itsnt it, rather than the backstroke? The way you can save yourself if you fall in the sea. It stick with the lessons, tell her she can choose a chocolate bar if she tries it (tries it) and also try out that hotel pool for fun swimming and do that separately. It might be that without the pressure of the swim teacher she does it in her own time for fun. Even if the pool is small its the fun you want to inspire, mine spends all his time underwater catching things and swims underwater briliantly for fun (so so annoying he is stuck in stage 1!). I also wonder about a very shallow paddling pool in the garden for her to relax in would that help?

Whitchurch · 07/06/2021 09:02

@Dilbertian

Alternatively find a school that doesn't slavishly follow the gradings. that's what I did. So my dc couldn't do a perfect butterfly stroke - does that mean they shouldn't learn more skills? There's more than one grading scheme. The swimschool my dc went to required you to achieve something like 7 out of 10 in order to move up a grade.
I agree with this. There is no need to pressure children at this age, it should be fun.
bridgetreilly · 07/06/2021 09:32

Well, if you take her out of the lessons, she definitely won't improve. Chat to the teacher. Ask if they can start teaching her some of the more advanced things that don't include backstroke.

Dilbertian · 07/06/2021 09:48

@StopTheSwim Has she tried earplugs? It could be a sensory thing about water in her ears.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/06/2021 10:03

I’d carry on but discuss this issue with teacher so they can work with her on backstroke and let her progress.

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 07/06/2021 11:20

Have called the leisure centre and the teacher will call be back in the next few days so will update when I've spoken to her.

OP posts:
AnUnoriginalUsername · 07/06/2021 11:30

I hate backstroke, its the feeling of the water lapping at my face, no problem at all going under water but water at the sides of your face is such an uncomfortable feeling.

Could you try getting her to switch to backstroke while she's doing front crawl? Or just turning over and floating on her back. Or going fully underwater, games where she has to retrieve things off the floor so her hair gets wet but she's facing down, then it won't feel as wierd the other way because she's already wet.

If you take her swimming on her own then stop the lessons until she can do that bit then restart them.

LittleOwl153 · 07/06/2021 11:58

Parent of a hypermobile 11yr old who now swims like a fish...

How is the strength in her neck/upper back... If her neck ligaments are not great then she might not feel she has the control to keep her face a bove the water - indeed she may not have! Necks are funny things in swimming as they really do control where the (relatively heavy) head goes. If her neck muscles are not strong enough - or she does not feel that they are strong enough - to support her head when this is why she is struggling.

My 11yr old is only just starting to vocalise how her HMS affects her - it is very hard for them to explain as it really is very odd to the rest of us. So I would not be surprised that she cannot explain it at 6.

2 thoughts:
Get onto some of the hypermobile - or other support groups for her issues - where there are adult sufferers and see if they have any issues / can explain the neck thing to you. (There is a facebook group which helped me understand loads when DD was small)

Talk to any physio etc support she has about her neck/back muscles - they may be able to recommend some exercises to strengthen. Or alternatively recommend that she is disability exempt from backstroke which will enable her to move on with that exemption (mine has an exemption around her feet in breastroke - she will never manage an ASA standard leg kick!)

But I'd definately keep her in the water somehow!

Hesma · 07/06/2021 19:02

Keep going, she will have to do swimming in PE in years 4&6

MumofTeens2021 · 07/06/2021 19:04

I think it clicks around the age of 7 so persevere but don't force things and if the lessons are stressing her out ditch them.

slashlover · 07/06/2021 19:20

Could you get a shallowish tray and put some water in it? So the back of her head is in the water but her body is on 'dry' land?

itsgettingwierd · 07/06/2021 19:29

What's she like generally laying on her back?

You don't mentioned what her physical difficulties are but if she's suspected dyslexic she may also have some sensory issues from retained reflexes (it's all related and found in most neuro developmental difficulties).

It's possible that laying in her back causes panic because she can't actually feel herself in that space and it feels not like it is?

If that's the case and her condition is likely to have this sort of challenge I'd speak to them and say and ask for reasonable adjustment for meeting the criteria.

All this pressure is also probably making it a bigger deal in her head that's it is and letting her master what good skills she's got could help this one issue just fade.

Mh ds cannot do breast stroke due to a physical disability. He's still Rogers see through the stages and now swims with naked bodied swimmers who compete nationally.

The fact he can't do one thing hasn't held him back and it shouldn't your daughter. Especially when it's likely related to her other physical difficulties.

itsgettingwierd · 07/06/2021 19:32

Able bodied swimmers.

I can assure you no naked swimmers were involved in the making of that post BlushGrin

MrsPnut · 07/06/2021 19:38

Is there a swim squad near you that has a learn to swim programme, they tend to use school pools rather than leisure centres.
I found that the swim squads teach how to swim without using a strict checklist and they are usually much much better at teaching to swim than council run schemes. They teach skills like the correct turns and how to dive in to start from a much younger age which helps when you want to show off a bit on holiday by doing a racing start and a tumble turn. Wink

P999 · 07/06/2021 23:49

Did you say she's happy to put her head under the water as long as she has goggles on? If so, not sure what the problem is. Just make sure she has goggles, surely. Sorry if have missed something

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 08/06/2021 06:20

@P999

Did you say she's happy to put her head under the water as long as she has goggles on? If so, not sure what the problem is. Just make sure she has goggles, surely. Sorry if have missed something
She's fine on her front wearing goggles.

She will not put the back of her head in water.

OP posts:
NeverForgetYourDreams · 08/06/2021 06:27

We have up after hundreds of pounds of lessons by age of 5. Then school started lessons in year 3. Still couldn't swim. Suddenly in year 4 he began to swim and then in year 6 he exploded into life and won the swim house relay.

Now swims like a fish

I was a late starter too (10)

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 08/06/2021 18:28

So update.

Teacher called me and we discussed techniques and once I explained about the HM and other diagnosises she said that would explain her reaction - I'd never actually told the teacher as it#s not like school we drop off after changing at poolside with the life guard and then leave poolside.

She's had her lesson tonight and the TA was in the water with her. With my permission the TA touched DD but took it at her pace. From what DDs said the TA asked her exactly where DD wanted her hands to go and DD pointed to two points on her head, TA behind her and she's gently got DDs head in the water. Only for a few seconds before she got scared but it's progress!

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 08/06/2021 18:33

@StopTheSwim thats brilliant progress, now the teacher is aware of the issues it should be much easier for them to help her progress.

Original poster
StopTheSwim · 08/06/2021 18:35

[quote Hellocatshome]@StopTheSwim thats brilliant progress, now the teacher is aware of the issues it should be much easier for them to help her progress.[/quote]
DD says she doesn't like not having anything stopping her falling when she's putting her head back which explains her fear and why she could do with the TA holding her head.

Soon as I can I'm going to take her myself and practice.

OP posts:
Dilbertian · 08/06/2021 18:44

Excellent news. Its a challenge when children cannot articulate what bothers them. Wonderful that the teacher was flexible and understanding. With this approach, hopefully your dd will soon learn that supports her and stops her falling when she puts her head back.

I remember how I learned to float on my back. I could do all the face-down floats, but could not float on my back (I don't remember why). Messing around in the pool one day, just a regular family session but nobody was bothering me to do anything, I started playing musical statues on my own, no music. OK, I was a weird child Grin I was relaxed and under no pressure. I let my statues topple over until I floated. Suddenly I found myself floating on my back! I had been so focused on the game, that I forgot to panic.