Child in elite sport... Aibu to let her miss training for bday party

[Homeontherangeuk]

My child is an elite athlete & we're on holiday this week... She's just been invited to an outdoor bday party... Usually I'd say you have training but given the past year I'm inclined to say fuck it & let her go... But we're also away this weekend so she's missing two trainings but making all her weeklys...

She's 8. Even if it is gymnastics, she's still one, maybe 2 Olympics away. You said she'd choose the party. Let her go to the party.
My three were all involved in different sports and the ethos of each sport at junior elite level is different. One or two would actually encourage a little time away, finding mental balance and building resilience in their juniors. Some weren't. Gymnastics/ ice skating definitely in the second camp.

The last 15 months have shown that athletes (including gymnasts) can take time off and it not be a disaster.

Parents of non elite sports kids don’t understand. There’s no point in asking here.

At 8y I'd let her go to the party.

Whilst sport can be important to children at that age I really don't believe it should take over every aspect of their spare time.

A child also needs time to relax and enjoy a social life with friends. And to be an 8y is more a child than an athlete.

My ds is a swimmer.

One thing I've noticed is that he kids who are naturally able, physically stronger and achieving at the top at 8 actually aren't the ones who are too at 15/16 and then at peak age of 21-25.

It's often for various reasons. Either they give up everything and suddenly want a life when they get to secondary. They burn out. The others also then grow in height and physically get stronger and catch up and overtake.
The problem with being at the top is sport is there is only one direction you can go.

If you don't develop that resilience at 8/9/10 or even 11/12 because you've had a biological advantage and aren't use to having to fight your way up the psychological impact is hard. That can be what makes them give up. And when they give up at 11/12 and have missed all the socialising - what's that sacrifice been for?

Even now in the national performance squad my ds trains in they have a attendance requirement of 85%. Most will do 100% for months but coaches understand they may have a family holiday or something they want to attend.

One of my children is doing an elite sport and trains up to 4X a week. Any time he had a birthday invite or an outing with a friend, we would let him miss his training. The coach obviously didn't like it but in those situations I just lie and say that DS was sick or we were away. My child only gets one childhood.

Parents of non elite sports kids don’t understand. There’s no point in asking here

Why? Because no one here could possibly have kids/coach/competed in elite sport?

@OhSayWhat

Parents of non elite sports kids don’t understand. There’s no point in asking here.

Well, there seem to be quite a few parents of elite sports kids, and ex-elite sports kids themselves, who have posted and clearly do understand.

She may lose interest long before she is old enough to go the Olympics, let her go to the party if that's what she'd choose. I was a very good swimmer from young but I lost all interest through the teenage years and others overtook me as my heart wasn't in it.

I’m assuming gymnastics? If it’s not but it’s a sport she could ‘catch up’ on later such as athletics or swimming I definitely, definitely wouldn’t worry and would just tell her she has a party. If more like figure skating where ice time in very limited I’d ask her.

I'd let her go unless her absence directly impacts on other participants (I.e if she's meant to dance / perform as a pair / trio and her absence would mean that the rest of her group couldn't practice properly).

I'd let an eight year old go to the party.

@reallyreallyborednow

*At 8 do you really want that pressure on her? Is she genuinely going to get in Olympic squad. How many children burn out before then if they have that pressure on them at 8?

Imagine the world of mediocrity we would have if everyone thought like you*

She is right though. There is no need for that pressure on an 8 year old, and it will make absolutely no difference to her olympic chances to miss a few sessions. There is a much higher chance of burnout in kids that aren’t allowed to have a life balance at that age.

And no, you absolutely cannot tell who will make an olympic squad at 8 years old.

Personally, I think that it's rather perverse to want to see children hothoused into these standards. Why not go the whole hog and have castrati again - after all, they make the best singers, don't they?

Childhood is the most precious stage of life, and to pervert it with adult worries and ambitions is tantamount to abuse.

My sister was an elite sportswoman up to her late teens, track and field. In fact she used to beat some GB gold Olympic medalists in the nationals.

Of course, her elite training meant missing out on a lot, and she was actually in a relationship with a married older man because she didn't get much social time with her peers. And a couple of career-ending hospital visits later, what was it for? Nothing. She earns a lot of money doing a normal job and she does sport on the side.

OP I don’t think this is the right forum for your question.

My DC is younger than yours and also does an elite sport. They train 4 x a week including an intensive 1:1 personal coaching. I introduced DC to the sport but it’s very much led by them. Part of the commitment that they have is that they do not miss training. We would not even question it.

There are other activities that can be done at other times.

In this instance, I would send apologies. If it’s a good friend, I would offer to take them out for a meal or an outing.

My DC is younger than yours and also does an elite sport. They train 4 x a week including an intensive 1:1 personal coaching. I introduced DC to the sport but it’s very much led by them. Part of the commitment that they have is that they do not miss training. We would not even question it

Gymnastics tends to be 5 or 6 days a week, including saturday and sunday, right from the off. All year round. Many clubs don’t have breaks except for christmas/boxing/new years day.

If they don't miss, they will never get to do anything else.

OP, have have a couple of friends with children in the elite training programmes for swimming and gymnastics in my city. I totally understand the requirements including other siblings being dragged along to training because no child care, early morning starts ect. I also know someone whose son was selected for a football academy. What all these parents have in common is they realise that their children are one of maybe 10-30 in their city. There is no way all these kids are heading to the Olympics or national level, particularly as this is replicated across the UK. They give their children the choice and sacrifice a lot. All are realistic that it will probably come to nothing in adulthood.

Are elite sports the same as men's hobbies, you can never say what they are!

@Jangle33

I can’t believe you think AIBU would be helpful here. Just make a decision!

Hear hear!

@ineedaholidaynow

Are elite sports the same as men's hobbies, you can never say what they are!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP?

@Homeontherangeuk - what have you decided to do?

I find it difficult to believe that her chances of being in the Olympics in 2028 will be affected by her missing two training sessions in a row at the age of 8. And if it is, does she really want to do something which is going to control her life to that extent?

@lanthanum

I find it difficult to believe that her chances of being in the Olympics in 2028 will be affected by her missing two training sessions in a row at the age of 8. And if it is, does she really want to do something which is going to control her life to that extent?

I can honestly count on one hand the times my DC have "missed" individual training sessions over the last few years but yet they have had loads of outside fun anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yes we've been away lots (in "fallow" periods, which are sport dependent), yes they have been to numerous birthday parties and other celebrations. But they do not miss random set sessions to do that on a whim. If I'd wanted to take them on holiday to Scotland in early June for example, I'd have had a whole conversation with the coach beforehand and that would have included how they would be before, during and after, and definitely I wouldn't then have contemplated a last minute party invite to knock out another session directly afterwards unless a total break away from said elite sport/activity was the aim, which is conceivable for certain situations.

And the only people I'd want the input of would be child, coach and other parent.

Thats where gym differs - there aren't fallow periods and they are at the gym so many times a week and often saturdays that theyd miss most parties (so not lots of trips away/numerous parties etc!)

I remember making a big exception for a best friend. Im glad we got out tbf.

I can honestly count on one hand the times my DC have "missed" individual training sessions over the last few years but yet they have had loads of outside fun anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Did your kids train 4-8 tues-fri, 10-5 sat and 8-12 sun? All year round, no breaks, and often in more in school holidays?

Because that’s what elite track gymnastics looks like for many 8 year olds. They simply don’t have time for “numerous birthday parties and other celebrations” or “loads of fun” outside those hours.

Like I said, these kids should be allowed “annual leave” in that they have x amount of sessions they can miss before their commitment is questioned. Ok not say in the two weeks before a comp, but at any other time.