To be annoyed at getting home to this...

[Hourbyehours]

First day out with a friend since sept last year, come home house is as I left it, kids beds not made, dirty washing in their rooms, dishwasher not emptied and washing up piled in the sink, loads of flies in the kitchen because food left out and surfaces covered in food bits. Mess in front room which my husband left from last night. I know I’m being a bit grouchy, but I really object to having a day off and then coming home to mess! Plus I am working tomorrow 0700 start.... husband says it’s not fair for me to come home and moan because he would never do that... my repsone was that he wouldn’t come home to that mess in the the first place!

You ANBU. My other half the same and it puts me off going out at all. He's a grown up and he's treating you like a maid. That's how I feel. It makes my blood boil.

I feel insulted that I work full time and do all the housework

So stop doing it all! DH needs to do 50%.

YANBU, I wouldn't expect to come home to that either and DH would get the hairdryer treatment.

@csigeek

The bar is so low for men and some still can’t step over it!

This

I don’t quite get it, but I might be being pedantic.

You say the house was just as you left it? Why do you expect it to be better when you get home, unless it has been agreed that people would clean while you were away?

Although I suspect you mean that it was significantly worse than when you left it?

"I work full time and do all the housework "

This is a much bigger problem than it being left for one day. Completely unacceptable.

@Hourbyehours

We live in the country, in hot weather you will get flies indoors if food left out

Ah this made me chuckle. The idea that townie flies are more respectful of human space.

Sloppy lazy sod. Your dh that is.

Oh you’ll set me off now.... I feel your pain 100%!! DH works from home, DS16 just finished school, (GCSE year, now sat at home twiddling thumbs...) I have a very physical job working in extraordinarily high temperatures. Every morning, before I leave at 7:45am, I make sure dishwasher is emptied, refilled, restarted, kitchen cleaned, living room tidied etc... because I know DH will possibly have online meetings. I get home utterly exhausted, drained and filthy, to find DH either working on laptop on the sofa in front of the tv, or upstairs playing on PlayStation whilst asking me what I’m making for dinner! Lunch pots in sink or piled up on worktop, DS only leaves room when hungry then disappears back upstairs leaving a mess everywhere because he “can’t physically touch dirty pots..” and then I AM THE UNREASONABLE ONE FOR MOANING ABOUT IT BECAUSE DH’s JOB PAYS MORE THAN MINE AND DS SHOULD BE RELAXING BECAUSE HE’S BROKEN UP FROM SCHOOL!!! Plus they know I’m house proud and I hate leaving for work or going to bed if it’s untidy. So I can’t bear to leave it a mess! So no, YA absolutely NBU and I’m just glad I’m not the only one who experiences this!

Not OK, any of it.
Are your children over the age of 10ish?
You need to set some boundaries and expectations, or you’ll be in your 70s and still scuttling around after them all.

I would be annoyed as I hate mess but you should probably forget about it. I depends on whether he intends to do it later or expects you to do it. I regularly complain when DH leaves mess but he normally does put on dishwasher when I am out.

Welcome to my world.

I think if it had been the other way round and DH had gone off to play golf for the day leaving OP with the kids, and he came home to a mess and complained, people on here would be calling him a twat, and telling OP that of course she should not have been expected to be home all day with the kids and clean the house while he was having a fun day out of the house. It’s a bit double standards I’m afraid.

Seriously? Just because she had a day off she should be grateful her dh 'let' her do this & not complain about state of the house when she got home? FFS dishes in sink, & dh mess from last night I'd fume unless he'd toddlers or babies to be looking after all day.

The kitchen is totally gross and not Ok
Sitting room - pretty crap
Bedrooms - oh well

I’d focus on the kitchen complaint with your DH and tell him - seriously - not again. Set a timer and get everyone to do 15 mins clearing - put him in the kitchen with eldest kid.

Kids can load a dishwasher from 7 or younger and they should.

You need to send you DH back to his old home so he can partake in the training he should have received as a teenager.

Book a cleaner.

I'd be livid, although when you say just as you left it, do you mean it was like that from the night before? If so, everyone should have tidied up then. If the plates etc are from breakfast/when you went out, I'd be annoyed. There's no excuse to not clean up after a meal and leave bits of food everywhere. Even my 11 year old, who can be a slob at times, knows to do that.

Get a cleaner. No more angst for you, and no arguments about who did/didn't do whatever...life's too short.

Ignore the beds, but make the kids and husband do the dishes and put the laundry where it belongs. Your DH may be beyond retraining, but you can at least make sure your kids know how to live with other people considerately. (Your DH may get it eventually too.)

Well that will teach you for going out with your friends. I hope you've learnt your lesson about leaving him to babysit and expecting him to tidy up whilst you're off galavanting like some single woman rather than one with a husband, kids bad house to keep. How dare you have a life hope you came in and cooked his dinner?

🙄

@SpaceOp

I completely understand. Agree that bes and washing isn't that big a deal butnits cumulative. And dirty mess everywhere is not OK.

I came home from.night away to cleaned bathrooms, dds room.vacuumed and kitchen tidy. Because my dh is a mature adult who doesn't need me to be there for him to realise stuff has to be done. But truthfully, we had to work up to this maturity.

How did you work up to this maturity? Teach me your ways oh masterful one...

I asked my almost adult DC to wash a small amount of dishes today ( she was working 9 hrs from midday) she didnt do it.
so has returned to allll the day's dishes to do.
I do 99% of the house work and work too. I dont ask much in terms of chores but when I do, I'd hope they would be done!

@Hourbyehours

We live in the country, in hot weather you will get flies indoors if food left out

I live in a city and we get flies, too.

You need to go on strike for a bit. Don't do anything that doesn't directly benefit you

Tbh if this was a one off I couldn't get that worked up about it. If this was a regular, daily occurance then I'd be pissed off but everyone can have a lazy weekend.

So the kids beds weren't made and their dirty laundry was on the floor - in my house DD is responsible for her bed and laundry anyway, I don't care if she makes her bed every day (it's actually better to leave the duvet off to air out the bed for at least a couple of hours every day anyway, especially as the weather is warming up) and she knows that any clothes not in the laundry bin won't get washed so it's up to her to put dirty clothes in the right place.

As for the kitchen, it would annoy me but again as a one off I wouldn't be that bothered- currently my sink is still full of dishes from today because DD and I went out right after breakfast to enjoy the glorious weather, got home in the early evening and I just could not be bothered with all the washing up after dinner so as a one off I have left everything in the sink and will do it tomorrow (no dishwasher).