To be annoyed at getting home to this...

[Hourbyehours]

First day out with a friend since sept last year, come home house is as I left it, kids beds not made, dirty washing in their rooms, dishwasher not emptied and washing up piled in the sink, loads of flies in the kitchen because food left out and surfaces covered in food bits. Mess in front room which my husband left from last night. I know I’m being a bit grouchy, but I really object to having a day off and then coming home to mess! Plus I am working tomorrow 0700 start.... husband says it’s not fair for me to come home and moan because he would never do that... my repsone was that he wouldn’t come home to that mess in the the first place!

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman so I sort of did throw a bit of a tantrum, just wanted to get my lunch ready for work tomorrow but ended up not being able to help myself saying ‘but it looks as though I need to empty the dishwasher first’ and I may have tutted a bit

Why do you do all the homework as well as working full time? Does your husband have no limbs?

Fuck that shit!! I'd be fuming. Your husband is a lazy slob. How old are the kids? Why can't they all empty the dishwasher and do washing up and put food away? You're not the hired help.

Please don't clean up after them. Make them do it.

@Clymene

How disgusting. I really don't believe any posters on here who say they'd be happy to come home to a kitchen crawling with flies either.

I'd go to a hotel too. Your husband is a lazy slob.

A kitchen won’t be ‘ raw.I got with flies’ because someone went out for a few hours.

It would have really pissed me off too

I'm with you OP. That's not acceptable.

However, has your DH actually been at home much today? I ask because if he has spent a similar amount of time out of the house as you or been very busy, you can't expect him to have cleaned and tidied.

Beds not made - meh
Dirty laundry on floors - annoying if they have a hamper.

Dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher needs emptying would piss me off.

If you'd asked for the house to be tidied and they ignored you then yes I'd be pissed.

I

Oh ok @cardibach - the OP is a liar as well as stupidly houseproud

What’s wrong with your husband?? How come he can’t function at entry-level adulting?

I would leave all the mess, make myself something nice to eat/drink and take a book somewhere where no one else is.

Presumably you are senior management in this house.
Why have you not delegated tasks or at least made your standards and expectations known?

Awful OP.

Just awful.

Only a lazy selfish waster would have anyone come home to that.

On your first day out in months, plain nasty.

Do you normally do everything?

If you do, you need to stop.

You certainly need to stop doing anything for the waster you married.

I would be really pissed off with that. He's a lazy knob who just expects you to do it all.

Why do you do all the housework, OP? Why doesn't your husband do any?

We live in the country, in hot weather you will get flies indoors if food left out

Just leave it for him to do tomorrow.

Stop doing all the housework. Change everybody's expectations about that.

Your idea of a tantrum is really lame btw. Tutting a bit, going 'I see this needs doing' then doing it, does not a tantrum make.

Don't touch it. And don't cook a meal or lift a finger until it gets done.

You tutted? They must live in fear of you!

@Grayhairworry

Oh come on lifes too short

Yeah life's too short to get treated like a mug

I’ve only just gone full time in the last 6 weeks, he works really hard and spends little time at home, his job is very stressful so I don’t mind picking up the slack generally- I just suppose I came home a and felt unappreciated. Thank you everyone

@Hourbyehours

All I have achieved though is making myself feel like crap, wish I could be one of those mums that doesn’t care about this kind of stuff, but it’s just not me

Me neither. I’d have lost my shit at them. It would have taken them 30 mins in the morning and 15 mins before you got home to have everything tidied and sorted. I hate mess and I feel disrespected when others can’t pull their weight when I usually do 90% of the housework (and earn 50% or more of the money too). You’re not their maid.

Time to come down hard on them and retrain them (not that you should have to). Then go out next week and when you leave remind them of the expectations.

(Cranky tidy mum here too)

@VictoriaLudorum

Presumably you are senior management in this house. Why have you not delegated tasks or at least made your standards and expectations known?

Exactly! As much as you shouldn’t have to tell an adult how to adult, I do get bossy but the upside is my lot are now well trained. They’d expect a full blowing tantrum if I came home to this.

I wouldn't expect to come home to every room cleaned, but would expect kitchen and living room to be reasonably tidy

@Hourbyehours

I’ve only just gone full time in the last 6 weeks, he works really hard and spends little time at home, his job is very stressful so I don’t mind picking up the slack generally- I just suppose I came home a and felt unappreciated. Thank you everyone

It's not like you expected tons of extra housework done though. Just for them to clear up after themselves. Now you're both working full time, that should be the basic standard for everyone, including the kids.