To be annoyed at getting home to this...

[Hourbyehours]

First day out with a friend since sept last year, come home house is as I left it, kids beds not made, dirty washing in their rooms, dishwasher not emptied and washing up piled in the sink, loads of flies in the kitchen because food left out and surfaces covered in food bits. Mess in front room which my husband left from last night. I know I’m being a bit grouchy, but I really object to having a day off and then coming home to mess! Plus I am working tomorrow 0700 start.... husband says it’s not fair for me to come home and moan because he would never do that... my repsone was that he wouldn’t come home to that mess in the the first place!

Cleaning up after meals is the non-negotiable thing, both because of bugs and because it makes creating the next meal possible. Drives me crazy when I get home and have to clean the kitchen up before making dinner!

I would have gone mad. What a lazy bunch of selfish people. Go to work tomorrow and tell them you want it sorted by the time you get home.

You are unappreciated.

More than that, more than just not noticing that you do things, they actively think they have a right to your picking-up-after-them, wiping-up-their-messes servitude.

If your husband was barely home, he wouldn't have a chance to make any mess.

Honestly, the people coming on here and insinuating that the OP is being unreasonable are ... I dunno. I just can’t get my head around the sort of people that just have to open a thread to come on and disagree. For the sake of disagreeing.

What’s going on in your life to make you want to be like that?

Depends whose mess it was.
If I went out for the day after leaving all my plates and laundry on the floor etc and expected husband to clean up then I'd be unreasonable.

If it's their food and laundry splattered about and left for you then it's pretty pathetic and I'd wonder if my husband was making a point. As in, don't go out again or you'll be punished.

Not normal.

@Clymene

Oh ok *@cardibach* - the OP is a liar as well as stupidly houseproud

Not a liar, exaggerating for whatever reason. There may be one or two flies in the house, but seriously a few hours won’t turn a normal kitchen into a fly infested pit. I’m suggesting OP is overreacting a bit. Though of course her family should do their share.

You need to read the riot act to your family and remind them that you are not the scullery maid, you work and expect some respect from them.

Your family are treating you like a skivvy, you’re not their maid. Have you spoken to your husband about how chores will need to be divided now you’re back at work? Or asked him why he thinks it should all be your job? He sounds like a lazy, entitled misogynist who has no respect for you at all.

The unmade beds you need to let go, if it bothers you you have to be the one to chase it up. DH might not care. The food left out and kitchen a state is annoying and thoughtless though.

You had a day off from what ??
Tidying after everyone else it sounds like
So
They expect you to do it !!!!🤷🏽‍♂️
So
Stop doing it

In the end, we teach people how to treat us. I think perhaps it is time to sit down with your family, explain that you, also, work full-time, and will no longer be solely responsible for all household duties. If your children are old enough, teach them to do their own washing. And cleaning their rooms. Make clear that you will not be picking up the slack, and things on the chore list that they don't do will not be done. Give your husband tasks to do, as well. They are going to moan and grouse. Let them. BUT DO NOT DO THEIR JOBS! It may take as much as 2-3 weeks of living like animals for them to get the idea, but once they do, you'll be glad of it.

Clothes and beds, meh, but kitchen a shit tip? No. Absolutely not. And yr quite right about the flies OP, even in the middle of London the flies find food left out, even just unwashed plates if it's Summer and the windows are open. Drive me mad the buzzy fuckers.

@SheilaWilcox

come home house is as I left it,

I'd just be relieved it wasn't worse than I left it. It's not right, but that's how bad my DH & DD are.

I would feel the same, but also I would be thinking how to move on from here. I think it's high time you divvied up the household chores - it's not fair to be working yourself and be expected to tidy up after everyone else in the house. Your partner should definitely be pulling his weight around the house, and even younger children can do small jobs like putting their toys away etc. It's time to all pull together.

YANBU. He’s a lazy irresponsible tw*t. Been there. Get rid.

I know life is too short but it’s the principle- maybe I am pig headed but I feel insulted that I work full time and do all the housework and he doesn’t seem to have any idea what that takes

I hate this argument - life’s too short? OK for OP to spend her free time cleaning up others mess but life’s too short for them to clean up their own crap?

Currently I only wash what’s by the washer, I only load dishes that have been returned.

I now sit down and watch what I want to watch or read a book or visit friends.

I refuse to ask or nag - wait till the cups run out (my fav is hidden)

Dh did similar to me once. Turned on my heel and went out for two hours.

Came back to a tidy kitchen.

I’m moaning too, Iv done two lots of dishes, 2 lots of washing and hung it out, put clothes away, bathed the younger one, made dinner, hoovered the house, moped floors. He’s been on a leisurely cycle, now he’s watching football. I’m hell for sure I’m doing any more dishes. Iv came upstairs to watch Netflix. If they are there In the morning, they will be there when he returns from work.

The bar is so low for men and some still can’t step over it!

[quote Hourbyehours]@Sirzy it does sound ridiculous I know but I asked them to do it and he just doesn’t reinforce anything. Maybe I am just too strict. I know life is too short but it’s the principle- maybe I am pig headed but I feel insulted that I work full time and do all the housework and he doesn’t seem to have any idea what that takes[/quote]
There's your problem - you do all the housework. Therefore it's expected by everyone else that you will just clean up when you get home. Only you can change this so as of today tell them that you left the skivvy in town and the new you won't be tidying up after everyone anymore. And then stop cleaning after them. Kids from age 4/5 can bring dinner dishes to the dishwasher and put clothes in a wash basket. Your Dh might need a lesson in how to put the dishwasher or washing machine on but once you've shown him he'll have no excuse not to help out. The best way to make sure he does a wash is not to put his clothes in so he will have to do them. You may end up with a few days of mess but they'll figure it out when they realise you are not going to be their slave any longer.

I would have gone nuts if I had come back to that. Has he no respect for either your home, or for you?

It would have pee'd me off, too.

You want to come back to somewhere habitable so you can have a relaxing finish to your day - not have to start clearing up as soon as you step across the door! Even if you left it until the morning, you wouldn't be able to relax knowing:

a) it was there, waiting for you

b) that no-one gave you enough thought to even tis the worst (kitchen and room your DH left a tip - doors can be closed on the rest, but you can't leave food scraps about)

I'm not surprised you were angry - I would have gone off it!

*tidy, not tis

Your "DH" is a lazy childish man baby

I wouldnt have expected beds made and washing done necessarily but at the very least they should have cleared up food they've made / eaten. It clearly needs doing before the next meal and its basically saying 'we wont bother with that, we will just leave it for OP to do when she gets home'

I be annoyed too. What ages are they? I had say it here too. Stuff left out. Just lazy.