To think many women don't like their partner using porn

[itsnotnormalisit]

I don't like the thought of my DP using porn... he thinks most women don't mind and can't understand why women would have an issue with it and that IABU

There are many, many things in the world that are problematic, immoral and downright damaging to other humans or to the earth in various different ways. Unless you are fanatical daily about avoiding contributing to any and all of them (in which case well done, you're a better person than I am) then maybe jump down from your high horse?

I find this a weak argument. It’s not about being on a high horse, it’s about making choices. I expect most of us do/buy/use stuff that has ethical consequences.

Driving a car or buying food that might not be fair trade/local for example...we all have to eat and most of us have to drive cars at some point.

Whereas watching porn or buying cocaine for example- both of which have consequences for the humans involved in their supply- are not in any way essential and can be easily avoided.

The saddest thing is how the porn industry has got women to think porn is normal, all men watch it. And that it's liberating and cool to enjoy watching the degradation of women.

Women who are cool with porn are enablers - simple as that.
No wonder so many young women now want to be men or are non-binary.

Communication seems to be the main problem with this topic it’s a dirty little secret in most households; it’s hard to reach orgasm in a dark room on your own, especially if you’re a visual person. A little visual aid is just that, nothing sinister.

Oh give over. And you’re forgetting that the “little visual aid” involves real actual people, some of whom are being harmed in the footage that person is getting off to. I’ve read testimonies about the frequent breaks in filming needed to clean up blood and shit, take painkillers / drugs to get through the rest of the shoot etc - and that’s without even getting into consent, coercion, trafficking etc.

I also suspect some of the porn lovers on this thread are not women.

What women would say:
"Women don't need soap operas - would you think it's a "sheer lack of respect" for a woman to watch it if their husband doesn't like it?"

@priya3

I think it depends what they’re actually looking at, to be honest. Some of it (well as lot) is very disturbing. When I found out my husband was watching porn, I was very upset because I went on the (free) sites he was watching myself to have a look. So much is about rape and humiliation of women and as a survivor of sexual abuse, I found some of it very triggering and ended up in therapy.

However, I now realise I just have to accept that he watches it and I think all
men do to some extent. You can’t control where men’s minds want to go, even though I think porn is very damaging on a societal level. He claims he watches only girl on girl / supposed lesbian orgy type stuff . I’ve watched it with him a fair number of times, at his request. I’m not bothered at all about him looking at other women’s bodies as I think this is natural for all men and fortunately, I’m not insecure about my own body. I think men are more visually-stimulated than women and if they just need imagery to masturbate, then I’m fine with that. If he wasn’t watching porn, what would he be thinking about? Although it seems to me that all porn is about degrading women, would not be fine if he was watching anything violent or particularly degrading, or if it affected our sex life or his attitude towards me.

There is, of course, the wider issue that you can never know how many of the women in porn have been abused or trafficked at some point. Men choose not to think about this in any depth because it doesn’t suit them to do so.

What seems most bizarre to me, is that such sites would not be tolerated for any other demographic group. The captions for these sites and the content to many videos is about dehumanising women - replace that with a similar access to racist, homophobic or religious hatred and the sites would be banned in two-seconds flat. Yet because it’s only women, apparently it’s ok.

This post makes me really sad.

Do you honestly not see the difference between him visualising something will masturbating, and actual human beings having to do things you yourself find degrading, so he can have an orgasm a bit more easily?

You clearly have moral concerns about porn and this it’s degrading but you’ve watched it at his request - given what you said about not knowing whether the women involved are consenting, that must be upsetting.

He’s convinced you that all men do this to some extent so you’ll stop complaining?

Please take care of yourself. Having been in a relationship with a porn addict where things escalated and led to a lot of abuse, your post makes me worried for you

I couldn’t care less. It’s just a wank. I have a wank sometimes myself. As long as it’s nothing dodgy or illegal I think it’s fine to do that in private

Fucking hell - the actual women being injured / degraded are of such little consequence that they don’t even feature in your assessment. Think about that for a minute, and how you’d feel about the world considering you to disposable and irrelevant.

Wonder if any of these porn men have teenage daughters themselves? How do they square that? From what I’ve seen of porn it’s basically hate material against teenage girls. I have two myself so this gets me particularly pissed off. “Teen destroyed etc” . Lovely 🙄🙄🙄

If I was in charge you could only watch such material if what was being done to those girls was done to you first and filmed. That would sort it.

You'll find lots of women who dislike it. And equally you'll find lots of women who have no issue with it.

I dislike porn because I think majority of those involved are taken advantage of. But I've no issue with my husband liking looking at naked people or sex or whatever.

Used to have no problem with it but as I've seen more about porn industry I do have a massive problem. Seeing ex 'porn stars' talk about basically being raped on camera, trafficked women ending up in porn. Watching porn is contributing to degradation and exploitation particularly of women.

Exactly I totally wouldn’t mind if it was nice and about dh looking at other women wouldn’t bother me not the jealous type. But the content now is just fucking nasty!

Deathgrip - I don’t disagree with you. I’m
A woman in my 40s who has lived a life (well, a lot of it) and I like to think I’m fairly self-aware. This is my point, if even I have been been somehow conditioned to accept it as inevitable, to some extent, imagine how much pressure there must be on young girls now. I have two teenage daughters and this worries me the most.

As I said, I’ve no reason to think my husband had any interest in violent porn. He doesn’t even like porn with men in it full stop. But even so, I still realise that even by clicking on these sites, you are perpetrating their existence. And you can’t avoid the more violent / humiliating content as you navigate the sites because they are playing on loop with the hideous “click bait” titles. So in this sense, no I’m not happy about it.

There are many, many things in the world that are problematic, immoral and downright damaging to other humans or to the earth in various different ways. Unless you are fanatical daily about avoiding contributing to any and all of them (in which case well done, you're a better person than I am) then maybe jump down from your high horse?

Speaking only for myself, I am fanatical about not contributing to anything that is damaging to women or children. I don't find it that difficult to avoid watching porn though so that's an easy one to tick off my list.

Porn. Sad fuckers watch it. Sad fuckers enable the sad fuckers who view it,
You’d be out for blood if your own daughter was being exploited. But it’s someone else’s daughter, so who gives a shit? Your top priority is; I need to cum because my wife is the cause of my ED… she’s had babies, gotten older, and bores me. I need an 18 year old bleached asshole with a fist in it to get me going and frankly, that’s what I want, not the tired bitch I’m married to.

For those who loosely support their partner’s viewing, this will be the ending to your story. Give it a few years.

I watch it myself,

have no issues with DH watching it .

I don't mind at all. I use it too. My friends do too.

It's tricky as in my experience men aren't very good at fantasising; they seem to need the literalness of porn. I fantasise when I masturbate but it's all made up in my head.

My main issue is, like everyone has said, one with the industry as a whole being harmful. We have a DD; I reckon DH would have a massive issue if she ever made a porn film when she was older - so on the one hand I feel he's being hypocritical but then on the other I feel like I'm being unfair criticising him because it so happens that my chosen form of stimulation doesn't involve anyone potentially being exploited.

Porn, in principle - being tittilated by sexual imagery - no problem

Porn, in reality - putting aside the certain knowledge that the imagery you're watching probably contains unwilling or coerced participants in order to 'enjoy' it - massively problematic.

@DysmalRadius I think that’s the most accurate portrayal I’ve ever read. Thank you for summing that up!!

Unless you are fanatical daily about avoiding contributing to any and all of them (in which case well done, you're a better person than I am) then maybe jump down from your high horse?
It's not a question of being fanatical but realising that actions have consequences. I am not perfect but if I find out that something I am doing or buying damages others I will avoid it if possible. And here it is possible. Nobody needs porn so I want no part of this sordid industry. Some people here seem proud of not having a problem with it. I think they are lacking in empathy and have no moral compass. If you don't want to be judged, don't tell the world that you don't give a shit about women!

TheVanguardSix - the thing is, a lot of porn, from what I can see, isn’t 18 year olds or women with amazing bodies etc, The women are often older and most of them look like fairly ordinary women. Let’s face it, if you were a supermodel and you could do a different type of “acting,” “modelling” or “dance,” well, you wouldn’t be in porn. There is so much amateur stuff which just seems to be “ordinary-looking” women in a really bad situation. Even the younger ones look worn down and kind of haggard to me. The vast majority of porn doesn’t even attempt to look glamorous. It’s sad-looking women who are obviously pretending in seedy rooms in cheap lingerie or whatever. I don’t think it’s anything the average woman would be jealous of, put it that way. Even aside from the moral issue, most porn is tacky, low-budget and totally naff at best.

It's tricky as in my experience men aren't very good at fantasising; they seem to need the literalness of porn.
Yes, very tricky. I wonder how on earth the poor dears managed for the entire history of humanity prior to the invention of film. 🙄

OH only watches gay porn and I only like lesbian - but not the stuff made by men for men. There are women making porn for women now, if you want more ethical stuff that's where to look IMO. I watch less though as I'm less visual and more imaginative IMO.

@AtomHeartMotherOfGod

It's tricky as in my experience men aren't very good at fantasising; they seem to need the literalness of porn. I fantasise when I masturbate but it's all made up in my head.

My main issue is, like everyone has said, one with the industry as a whole being harmful. We have a DD; I reckon DH would have a massive issue if she ever made a porn film when she was older - so on the one hand I feel he's being hypocritical but then on the other I feel like I'm being unfair criticising him because it so happens that my chosen form of stimulation doesn't involve anyone potentially being exploited.

Of course he’s being hypocritical and men are just as capable of masturbating without porn as women are. The idea that they are not is manipulative bullshit. The fact they’re happy to participate in an unnecessary and exploitative industry so they can have a slightly better wanking experience is really disturbing.

involves real actual people, some of whom are being harmed in the footage that person is getting off to. I’ve read testimonies about the frequent breaks in filming needed to clean up blood and shit, take painkillers / drugs to get through the rest of the shoot etc

The whole point is that it involves real people @Deathgrip, otherwise we could watch animé. It’s certainly incredibly sad that some feel the need to go to those lengths to make money, but not all porn requires blood, painkillers and shit, you’re making the assumption that everybody watches the ‘anal gaping’ ‘three cocks one ass hole’ ‘gangrape’ type stuff, which is obviously not true. Porn is an enormous umbrella term and not all of it is degrading or fowl.