To give up my career because of my new body

[In321]

The field of work I am in, looks are important sadly. The prettier women do better, it’s really rubbish but it’s true. I’ve never been a ‘pretty’ woman but I’ve gotten through okay. I’ve been on maternity and had a baby and I look horrendous. My skin is very dry, dull and wrinkly. I have huge bags under my eyes and for some reason my teeth are hideous (I liked throughout my whole pregnancy so maybe that’s it?) I have accidentally lost weight through breastfeeding and my DCs allergies, but I am left with this big, soft, wobbly belly. I bought a new outfit the other day and thought I looked good and was feeling so happy about myself, but then I saw a picture of me with my DC after, and my face was hideous, just so awful looking, my breasts saggy and my belly sticking out. I just want to cry. I’m thinking about not going back to work (DC is 9 months but I’ve got another two months due to holiday left over) because I just know trying to get on around lots of beautiful, successful women is going to make me feel even more miserable. I see other mums and they look good, why do I look so awful? DC wakes to feed every few hours still so I’m not getting enough sleep and I keep forgetting to moisturise.

I am so happy being a mum but I look disgusting and I hate myself. Would it be so pathetic to quit work because of this and find a new job?

Pregnancy generally takes a toll on a woman's looks and so does age and menopause. You have to work at it harder.

What do women do in your field after they reach these stages of life? It is always just bright young things?

I agree with other PP's comments about some industries being misogynistic, toxic and feeding on women's looks. If so, why be part of that crap?

@JaniceBattersby

I bet you’re a flight attendant. Never known such a ridiculously misogynist industry.

I’d get out now and retrain to be honest.

Cabin crew was what occurred to me too.

It's so true that men are allowed to visibly age and women are not. I remember when The X Files was rebooted about 5 years ago. David Duchovny had aged naturally, Gillian Anderson quite clearly had . The difference was staggering.

Treat yourself to a haircut, buy some clothes that fit you (including Spanx-type pants if that helps hold your belly in), get some decent bras and set an alarm to moisturise on a more regular basis.

You could book an appointment with a beautician to have a bit of a pamper, and talk to them about skin care. Drink lots of water!

I feel like they were probably looking at me thinking ‘what the hell does she look like?’
I can guarantee they were not thinking this 👍

I think that there are two issues here.

1. You've been focused on lots of other things, and this is your attention turning to the need for some self-care. What are the things that will lift you? New haircut, new outfit, wardrobe staples etc? Wellbeing (try the book The 4 Pillar Plan).

2. Our bodies change. We age. There is a loss here that is a process of grieving and acceptance. 95% of the time I'm accepting my peri-menopausal body, but every now and then I sigh for the body I had in my 20s, but didn't realise. Then I imagine 60-year old me raising an eyebrow at 40-year old me.

• I feel like they were probably looking at me thinking ‘what the hell does she look like?’ I can guarantee they were not thinking this 👍 *

I agree!! They’ll have just enjoyed your company. They’ll most likely have also loved your new outfit.

[quote Robin233]@JaniceBattersby

I bet you’re a flight attendant. Never known such a ridiculously misogynist industry.

I’d get out now and retrain to be honest.
^^

I though air cabin crew from the start.
When I was younger I wanted to do this
And my best friends dad said I wasn't glamorous enough (I was 13 )
Anyway years ago they used to weigh (the stewardesses) weekly and make them ware a corset [/quote]
To be honest, my first thought was flight attendant, then I thought no because British Airways, for example, has middle aged ones.
I then thought actress, TV presenter, etc.

Can you get private counselling? For your self esteem to be based on your looks to the extent it is limiting your life is very sad.

@Crackbadger

Can you get private counselling? For your self esteem to be based on your looks to the extent it is limiting your life is very sad.

I’ve actually been thinking about a lot of things in the past two days and I am considering some counselling as there is a lot more going on here for sure.

Thank you to everyone for your kind comments and suggestions, I really appreciate them. Hope you all have lovely days. Xx

@In321 I'm glad. You deserve to feel a lot better. X