Any SAHMs / SAHWs out there with husband’s who have decided they are now “working from home?”

[samaya]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else is in this position and how it is it all panning out for you if so?

Personally, I am finding it quite hard work if the truth be known.

@samaya

Lala - what are the civil service saying about them returning to the office? Any dates on the horizon at least?

Not as yet, no.

Oh god I feel you. I am not SAH but wfh and work few hours at the moment. Meanwhile DH has a v IMPORTANT and LOUD job. I don't make his lunch or coffee though. He has hands and can make it himself. I cook dinner daily and that is enough.

I go for a lot of very long walks at the moment. Even in the sodding rain.

[quote myfuckingfreezer]@LaLaLandIsNoFun it won't be long hopefully! Central depts have been back for months - who does he work for?[/quote]
He’s a line manager in the social care sector - their office building it still shit and looks like it’s never going to re-open.

No end in sight.

@LaLaLandIsNoFun yup a coffee cup with a heart, the message includes pleases and thank you quite often.

As I said the fact I reluctantly don't have paid work at present keeps this in check thankfully it could easily run completely amuck I suspect.

I do still have to push back on the idea I'm a PA. He knows this intellectually but can struggle with the harsh reality.

I'm looking for paid work in the fall 🤣.

@LaLaLandIsNoFun as well as the headphones and privacy screen he needs to develop some fucking empathy and a backbone; accept that it’s your house too, and tell HIS line management that you’re going to be around, and anything he says, you may hear. If it’s confidential to the point of being classified he should be in an office anyway; otherwise they need to either find him office space, or accept the minuscule risk.

I'll miss him when he goes back to work. He has been working from home since march last year and it has been much easier for me.

He takes our son to kindergarten every morning and picks him up in the afternoon. That used to be my job and with small baby it was PITA. I love that he can change diaper in the middle of the day and cuddle with our daughter.

I usually leave the house at 9 am after I give breakfast to my daughter and we're out till noon. We meet in the park with my friend and her daughter and that is a little bit adult time for me.

In our culture lunch is the main meal and dinner much smaller (opposite of the way British eat) so we all eat together at 1 pm, usually something that is batch cooked or something I half did the night before so it takes 20 minutes to finish. We all eat the same food so there is no need for me not to cook for him.

I don't make him tea, coffee, sandwiches - he is an adult and capable of doing these things for himself.

OP, i don't understand why don't you split things in the evening - one cooks dinner, one hoovers the carpet. That is what we do.

And why so many mums have trouble relaxing with their husbands at home. If I want to read or watch tv or just sleep (if my little girl lets me) I do it. And he sees me through the glass while I'm doing it. Thinking I'll miss cuddles in the middle of the day when he has a half an hour break.

“He takes our son to kindergarten every morning and picks him up in the afternoon.”

Sounds nice. I live in a part of London where a major bridge cracked and has been closed for ages, meaning that the school run can take anything between 1 and 2 hours, twice a day. Yay! So I get back at 9am, after having been sat in that traffic, and (sorry for tmi), but there he is, wanting to have sex. Just at least let me get a coffee!

[quote DontCallMeBaby]@LaLaLandIsNoFun as well as the headphones and privacy screen he needs to develop some fucking empathy and a backbone; accept that it’s your house too, and tell HIS line management that you’re going to be around, and anything he says, you may hear. If it’s confidential to the point of being classified he should be in an office anyway; otherwise they need to either find him office space, or accept the minuscule risk.[/quote]
That’s what I said the other evening when I got stroppy about it - got told it was just tough (it’s GDPR and probably other bits of law too - social care)

He’s not a bad man, but I do think someone’s he struggles to see my view point. I am at the point of being utterly fed up.

Ok, I would be angry too. He should make you a coffee and hug you and ask you how it went if he doesn't have to work at the moment. Not ask for sex the moment you return home.

I'm sorry OP.

@samaya

“He takes our son to kindergarten every morning and picks him up in the afternoon.”

Sounds nice. I live in a part of London where a major bridge cracked and has been closed for ages, meaning that the school run can take anything between 1 and 2 hours, twice a day. Yay! So I get back at 9am, after having been sat in that traffic, and (sorry for tmi), but there he is, wanting to have sex. Just at least let me get a coffee!

I feel your pain re school run; 3 hours between morning and afternoon runs.

At least I suppose it’s some quiet time in the car.
This week I want to kill someone - we’ve been self isolating since last Sunday.

@samaya

“He takes our son to kindergarten every morning and picks him up in the afternoon.”

Sounds nice. I live in a part of London where a major bridge cracked and has been closed for ages, meaning that the school run can take anything between 1 and 2 hours, twice a day. Yay! So I get back at 9am, after having been sat in that traffic, and (sorry for tmi), but there he is, wanting to have sex. Just at least let me get a coffee!

I missed the sex part

OP - does he see you as a human in your own right?

And you should be able to relax in your own home. It is your own home, the place where you should be able to do everything you want, without feeling there is a prison guard watching your every move. And be able to relax with him, laugh during the day. You should be a team and help each other to make your lives easier and better. If not, what is the point of marriage.

I hope it will be better.

Are you the poster whose daughter pointed out that your DH acted like he was in a hotel ordering breakfast etc?

What would happen if you just said no to the coffees, sex, just hoovered when you wanted?

You only get one life, is being someone's maid the way you want to spend it?

Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that he’s forcing me into anything, He’s not and he wouldn’t. It’s just another example of how his schedule and needs are kind of eating into my “space” if that makes sense?

@samaya

Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that he’s forcing me into anything, He’s not and he wouldn’t. It’s just another example of how his schedule and needs are kind of eating into my “space” if that makes sense?

I don't doubt your lived experience, but the way you write makes me think the injection of whimsy etc is a way of entertaining folk on here - wannabe writer etc.

@samaya

Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that he’s forcing me into anything, He’s not and he wouldn’t. It’s just another example of how his schedule and needs are kind of eating into my “space” if that makes sense?

He doesn’t seem particularly caring about you though, OP?

I'm not a SAHM but I am at home with my partner all day and absolutely love having him here! Although he's at his desk a lot we still pop in and out to each other for regular chats and laughs and have lunch together every day! Means longer evenings together with no commutes too!

It's like those threads where people love it when their DPs go away because they can eat cereal for tea and watch rubbish on tele. Why can't they do it anyway? confused I can do anything around DP and that's how it should be.. completely relaxed in your own home.

@CookPassBabtridge I don't get it either. Couldn't imagine being uncomfortable doing anything in front of my husband. I guess some people have very judgemental partners but that sounds like a difficult relationship to be in for the long haul.

Ginuine - I’m just having one of those days. It’s ok, but some things do strike me as ridiculous and a bit like a farce and I can see this even as it happening, which is probably coming across in my tone. It’s like when you have a certain balance in a marriage, but then something shifts and you know you have to readjust because this is permanent.

I’d love it. My DP works away for weeks-months at a time. It’s the only thing I’d change about our lives.

I am on mat leave, my partner has been WFH since the start of the pandemic.
I actually really like having him here, it was especially reassuring in those first few weeks. Even now with things opening up more, he can take baby whilst I get bags to the car etc, it just makes it easier.

This thread is so funny.

What a nightmare. I couldn't cope with that. DH is here all day. I'm here some days. I do make lunch and coffees but he doesn't expect it. He's also very quiet and stays in his office all day. I do have to organise the hoovering around his conf calls but he's not on them all day so it's not too much of an issue.

Not sure what to suggest. You sound like an introvert (like me!).

Your marriage in no way seems like a balance. It seems a bit depressing.
But if you live where I think you live then I imagine you have a nice lifestyle. Guess it depends

I only meant this thread to be semi-lighthearted because I suspected a lot of people are having to readjust to partners WFH. I was just thinking today about the impact of WFH and what a shift it must be for so many families in different ways and that’s why I posted.

On a serious note, DH is a very honest, kind and generous man who I know 100% would do anything for me. I know I sound snippy about the Very Important Job but, it does feel like a lot to live with sometimes. Ultimately, I am very grateful and I can’t criticise him because his job pays for our lives, home and schools and I am fully aware of this and do t take this for granted. So if I can make his life easier, of course I will. But everyone can have a moan sometimes.

Sorry to the pp - no he didn’t say it was a hotel.

I feel your pain. My DH has been WFH since 2014. Mostly it's fine, and he's actually very handy to have around, but sometimes I really crave a bit of space.