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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any SAHMs / SAHWs out there with husband’s who have decided they are now “working from home?”

164 replies

samaya · 04/06/2021 15:35

Hi, just wondering if anyone else is in this position and how it is it all panning out for you if so?

Personally, I am finding it quite hard work if the truth be known.

OP posts:
RickJames · 04/06/2021 16:52

My DH has mostly WFH for about 4 years so it's fine. What I found was I couldn't simultaneously work from home and home school/ no childcare so I've taken a long break from work and plan to go back in September.

The only thing that annoys me is that he hates having his door shut so if DS and I start screeching or the dog starts barking about something we get 'told off' for being noisy. Fortunately it's summer so we can screech in the garden now!

I enjoy being a SAHM and it's way better than when he was overseas all the time. I like making nice lunches and having the house nice all the time. No more competitive misery about chores vs work!

Taliskerskye · 04/06/2021 16:56

WTF he WhatsApp you for coffee

Does he also have cycling or golf as a hobby. And does he tend not to do anything with the children

Hallyup6 · 04/06/2021 16:58

Yep, my husband has been wfh throughout the pandemic while I've been a sahm to 5 children, two under 4, two teenagers and one in the middle. He's been working in the lounge most of the time, occasionally disappearing into the bedroom if he has a meeting, but honestly I've enjoyed him being here.

Mind you, he's supposed to be working now but is currently flying a drone into my head...

CEJJMM · 04/06/2021 16:58

We’re both working from home sharing an office and I love it!

Original poster
samaya · 04/06/2021 17:04

He probably cycles about 200 miles per week, yes. This is “relaxing” for him apparently, but it’s also when I can relax. I don’t know why so many wives complain about golf or cycling Confused He does other things as well that take him out. Byeeee! This is when I can lie down.

Really, this is semi-lighthearted and it is nice that he’s taking more time for himself these days and I do appreciate all he does. It’s just...., a change, shall we say.

OP posts:
Oneborneverydecade · 04/06/2021 17:05

There's pros and cons for me. DH does all the cooking, laundry, dog walking and most of the hoovering. Plus he's around more for the kids. But I feel compelled to be out of the house with toddler DD for much of the school day otherwise we're too distracting for him

Blacktothepink · 04/06/2021 17:06

Fuck that...he’s treating you like staff! 😡

HighlandCowbag · 04/06/2021 17:07

Ive never been so glad as to be married to a builder than this last 16 months. Dh jad 3 weeks off at the start and that was absolutely enough for all of us.

A home is a home and a living space first and foremost. If it has room for an office or to use a bedroom then if it works, it works. But I would not be tiptoeing around anymore at this stage. The wfhers need to either go back to the office, rent a desk or stay in the fucking office.

And if anyone what's apped me for anything other than to tell me something either essential or nice, I'd be whatsapping back something quite rude.

HerRoyalNotness · 04/06/2021 17:13

Mine was at home for 9mths and we had a virtual schooler and a preschooler. Of course the preschooler couldn’t understand that he was working, so she’d go in the study to ask something and he’d start yelling IM ON THE PHONE WITH MY MANAGER. Being very loud on his calls and huffing and puffing around the house. He asked me to help with some excel things, which I did and showed him what to do. The next time he asked for the same thing I said no (aka I don’t work for you or the company) and got a PA response. Just very abrasive and too stressed to be able to combine the two. Pretty sure that’s what’s killed all my feeling for him dead tbh.

Happily he’s now ducked off to another state to work and it’s all more relaxed around these parts

Bibidy · 04/06/2021 17:15

I would hate this. It is hard enough for me and DP working at home together, let alone if I was actually not working but having to share my space with someone who is.

I do feel that if people are going to choose to work from home then they need to have an appropriate space for that and not expect to be dominating the living room/kitchen when other people are around who actually should be able to use that space how they wish, since they're not working.

Xenia · 04/06/2021 17:15

I started working from home in 1994 (set up own law firm) and it went quite well so we moved to this house in 1997. We wanted 4 separate downstairs living rooms off the hallway and given how many places are kocked through it was hard but we managed it. One was done to be my office (Neville Johnson office furniture I had put in in about 1998) and another was where my children's father taught the piano etc, which left a living room for the baby twins and their daily nanny and another for the 3 teenagers. Before the move we had a 3rd reception room with separate entrance to house but it was small once the piano and organ were in there never mind my files and if there were pupils I had to leave it so not ideal.

My son bought his first property in January but is not ready ot move in yet so is letting it ou. We had 2 couples view it the DAY he completed that evening and 5 the next day - they all wanted more space because of home working! All sick to death of being on top of each other such asi n a flat with no garden(this is just a small 2 bed terraced with garden but bigger than a flat. The pandemic is certainly changing things although plenty of non public sector workers have been back in the office either never leaving last year (that was lawful depending on the work) or were back since last July 2020

HumourReplacementTherapy · 04/06/2021 17:16

@samaya

If he had a garden office, he’d have me traipsing out there unfortunately. I’d have to be permanently “out” in that scenario.
Small pod type coffee machine or a flask. Put a mini fridge inside and a padlock on the outside. Tell home he can come out at lunchtime Grin
Hopeisnotastrategy · 04/06/2021 17:17

@LaLaLandIsNoFun

Yup. Driving me crazy.

OH is in civil service and everything is highly confidential. Downstairs is completely open plan, including stairs and hallway and we have two bedrooms with no room for any kind of office space. For a year now I’ve basically been living in the bedroom and unable to get on with much. School at home was awful enough without the added issues of no separate downstairs room and no office yup space upstairs. I feel like an uninvited guest in my own home. It has all but broken our relationship. And no end in sight.

This is intolerable @LaLaLandIsNoFun.

Wall bed!
x

gagrag · 04/06/2021 17:19

I work p/t but have holidays off. DH been home over a yr. We've enjoyed it but have a home office

emeraldcity2000 · 04/06/2021 17:20

I felt the same way when I was on maternity leave last year. No more rubbish tv, I had to full on entertain the baby all day. 😂

gagrag · 04/06/2021 17:24

My friend is finding it hard as her DH is civil service and they have moved to permanent WFH and she doesn't feel she can sit and watch something in the afternoon now.

Why does she feel like this?

NanaNorasNaughtyKnickers · 04/06/2021 17:30

@LaLaLandIsNoFun

Yup. Driving me crazy.

OH is in civil service and everything is highly confidential. Downstairs is completely open plan, including stairs and hallway and we have two bedrooms with no room for any kind of office space. For a year now I’ve basically been living in the bedroom and unable to get on with much. School at home was awful enough without the added issues of no separate downstairs room and no office yup space upstairs. I feel like an uninvited guest in my own home. It has all but broken our relationship. And no end in sight.

This is crazy! Given your constraints I would be turning the bedroom into an office and getting a really good sofabed to sleep on downstairs. How can you spend all day crammed in the bedroom?
Bibidy · 04/06/2021 17:31

I wfh usually even before COVID and it has been a culture shock having DP in what's usually my space all day, every day.

We don't have an office so are both in the living room, and he dominates the TV and is constantly asking me to help him with his excel spreadsheets or whether his email reads right. I love him but I could really do without it Grin.There is no way I could do this indefinitely, and certainly not if I actually wasn't working because he would still be doing all of this. I would end up having to go out to actually get some peace.

Original poster
samaya · 04/06/2021 17:31

My friend is finding it hard as her DH is civil service and they have moved to permanent WFH and she doesn't feel she can sit and watch something in the afternoon now.

Yes, this is kind of how I feel, although in my case, I’d be on the internet doing all sorts or on MN. I’m on MN now with a Kit Kat because he’s, guess what, on the bike. I still get my moments. But when someone is all go go go in full-on business mode and doesn’t stay in their office, you feel bad if you’re on MN with a Kit Kat. Honestly, the wardrobes have never been tidier in 15 years! I go to the dry cleaners to get a mini break.

OP posts:
sundayistheday · 04/06/2021 17:32

Yes and it is driving me mental when he decides to have a lie down and read a book at lunchtime and I'm like dobby the house elf cleaning and slaving away... no personal space or time alone is very wearing.

marypoppinsreturns · 04/06/2021 17:32

We are both wfh for same company though I work part time. I have cordoned off a corner of dc's play room for me as I like silence. DH works from dining table as he likes tv on for background noise plus small rooms and no space for another desk anywhere. I do feel on my non working days I have to do more housework than ever before because he is sitting working! I miss my day to myself. Back to office, probably blended, in August, and hopefully different days. I want my dining table back! Had to buy a new fold up table for living room for meals as he doesn't pack up his 'office' at night.

myfuckingfreezer · 04/06/2021 17:34

@LaLaLandIsNoFun it won't be long hopefully! Central depts have been back for months - who does he work for?

gagrag · 04/06/2021 17:36

Yes, this is kind of how I feel, although in my case, I’d be on the internet doing all sorts or on MN. I’m on MN now with a Kit Kat because he’s, guess what, on the bike. I still get my moments. But when someone is all go go go in full-on business mode and doesn’t stay in their office, you feel bad if you’re on MN with a Kit Kat.

I obviously lack this feeling 😆

Original poster
samaya · 04/06/2021 17:36

Oh also, I’m not allowed to vacuum now due to the noise interfering with his conference calls, so earlier, I had to clean 3 flights of stairs and two landing carpets on my hands and knees with a damp sponge.

OP posts:
Bibidy · 04/06/2021 17:38

@samaya

Oh also, I’m not allowed to vacuum now due to the noise interfering with his conference calls, so earlier, I had to clean 3 flights of stairs and two landing carpets on my hands and knees with a damp sponge.
Whaaaaaaaaaaat?? Can't you just hoover after he's finished work, or on the weekend!?