Any SAHMs / SAHWs out there with husband’s who have decided they are now “working from home?”

[samaya]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else is in this position and how it is it all panning out for you if so?

Personally, I am finding it quite hard work if the truth be known.

“Reclaim your houses, folks”

Yes, it’s a bit like this!

I’m realising that having an empty house during the hours the kids were at school was my sanity because from the minute I collected the youngest ones at 3.30 it was non-stop until 11pm and I never sat down in the evenings.

When he was away on business (which was quite a lot), that was when I would just order Deliveroo or just give the kids pasta or something basic. So, this was my balance, if that makes sense. Now I feel like I have to be “on” more. Plus he is suddenly giving me admin tasks in lists.

Agree that the WFH person needs to have a small space away from everything for everyone's sanity. We had to corner off a bigger bedroom to make a cupboard sized office. It's very unfair that you are stuck upstairs. He can use headphones and one of those screen privacy things to keep things confidential.

I'm CS too and while the rule is to work at home if you can there are also rules that you can go into the office if you can't work from home, surely your DH could go into the office if he needs complete secrecy and can't guarantee it?

@MaidEdithofAragon

Agree that the WFH person needs to have a small space away from everything for everyone's sanity. We had to corner off a bigger bedroom to make a cupboard sized office. It's very unfair that you are stuck upstairs. He can use headphones and one of those screen privacy things to keep things confidential.

Apparently even with headphones it’s not ok for me to be around.

When DC is here he goes upstairs at least, but rest of time I either stay upstairs or escape to horses or do the ridiculously long school run.

But just him being under my bloody feet all of the time is driving me insane. I want some bloody peace and to be able to actually clean the house and just have space.

I don’t have the answer but your posts are very funny OP

@samaya

“Reclaim your houses, folks”

Yes, it’s a bit like this!

I’m realising that having an empty house during the hours the kids were at school was my sanity because from the minute I collected the youngest ones at 3.30 it was non-stop until 11pm and I never sat down in the evenings.

When he was away on business (which was quite a lot), that was when I would just order Deliveroo or just give the kids pasta or something basic. So, this was my balance, if that makes sense. Now I feel like I have to be “on” more. Plus he is suddenly giving me admin tasks in lists.

That too - having to be ‘on’ more. He is one of those types who thinks he’s helpful when opening his mouth and giving an opinion - on just about everything sbd obvs, he’s here a lot more.

I am incredibly irritable and can barely stand the sound of his voice at this point. I feel like such an awful person - but I just need a lot of space.

DH has an office in the garden but he started out trying to work from the kitchen table - so I regularly cleared him off it even when I didn't need to. After a while he got that message and moved to the dining/tv room. By then the teen DC were home schooling and I made it clear that he could not expect anyone to be quiet or accommodating around him if he was not in his office. It took DD2 bursting loudly into a conference call to complain that he had finished the cheese to finally send him off to the office but he is there most of the time now.

We love both working from home and I will be WFH permanently now as offices are closing. We just get to spend more time together and are less stressed from awkward commutes. But I can see it may drive other people crazy.

My friend is finding it hard as her DH is civil service and they have moved to permanent WFH and she doesn't feel she can sit and watch something in the afternoon now.

There's no way I would sit in my bedroom all day or do lists of admin tasks. Get some back bone girls and as already said "reclaim your home".

@LaLaLandIsNoFun if there is no space elsewhere maybe its time to invest in a shed big enough for a desk and chair. Your partner is being extremely selfish taking over the whole house and I'd be having a serious conversation with him.

@samaya the next time he hands you a list hand it straight back. Tell him if he wants a PA to hire one.

Stand up for yourselves!

On a side note there has been many threads on here about people declaring they love wfh and will never go back into the office. I wonder how many have partners who feel the same way you do? I think the longer wfh goes on, the more relationships are going to suffer.

@Poptart4

There's no way I would sit in my bedroom all day or do lists of admin tasks. Get some back bone girls and as already said "reclaim your home".

@LaLaLandIsNoFun if there is no space elsewhere maybe its time to invest in a shed big enough for a desk and chair. Your partner is being extremely selfish taking over the whole house and I'd be having a serious conversation with him.

@samaya the next time he hands you a list hand it straight back. Tell him if he wants a PA to hire one.

Stand up for yourselves!

On a side note there has been many threads on here about people declaring they love wfh and will never go back into the office. I wonder how many have partners who feel the same way you do? I think the longer wfh goes on, the more relationships are going to suffer.

HahHa...garden is tiny new build garden with already....two sheds packed full of his stuff. No room for another shed.

To be fair when DC are here he stays upstairs - but it’s no good for his back working off a bed.

It is what it is I guess. But I hate it.

“I am incredibly irritable and can barely stand the sound of his voice at this point. I feel like such an awful person - but I just need a lot of space.”

Yes I too am learning I need a lot of space! This has been a revelation. It’s not so much his voice (though he is on the phone non stop), but he feels the need to pace up and down while he is talking and also come out of his office for this purpose. It’s like living with a caged lion, pacing up and down all over the place. I’m going demented. Then he will Whatssapp me for coffees. I’m not joking.

To be honest, I never actually went back to bed or watched Netflix in the day, but I guess I quite liked the feeling that that was an opinion. As I say, nowadays I feel like I need to be always “on” when in the house. It sounds awful, but sometimes I just go out to relax.

If he had a garden office, he’d have me traipsing out there unfortunately. I’d have to be permanently “out” in that scenario.

Dh started working from home 7 years ago and it's been great for us. I'm a sahm to dc between the ages of 14 and 6. We take a lunch break together and it's nice now the dc are older (and go to bed later) to have an hour in the middle of the day to watch 15 rated tv programmes or have sex without having to stay silent or hide under the covers. The only problem we have is that well meaning relatives think we are sitting around doing nothing and have all the time in the world to do favours for them/go out places with them or drop everything when they decide to pop round for a coffee.

@LaLaLandIsNoFun could you get a fold down desk or something to make working in the bedroom better ?

Agree once children are out of house he should be able to work downstairs if he hasn't got anywhere else suitable.i had a terrible back after working from bed In the first lockdown. I now have a tiny desk in the bedroom. The room feels cluttered but it is so much better

But my DH is in highly confidential civil service work and has been allowed into the office throughout ...

@samaya

If he had a garden office, he’d have me traipsing out there unfortunately. I’d have to be permanently “out” in that scenario.

Bloody hell.

I couldn’t stand that.

Hilarious lack of perspective from both OP and a few other posters on this thread.

It's been a pandemic. Everyone's had to adjust.

Would you rather have a situation where DHs rented office space (putting stresses on business finances) just so you can sit on the sofa more and not feel like you have to "match" their activity?

I feel for you OP, I’m in the same situation as you, it’s tough.

Wouldn't bother me. DH and I have spent the last 16 months together 24hours a day and it's actually brought us closer!

If we had to work in the living space it'd be an issue though.

We moved to this house over a decade ago because Dh needed to be able to occasionally work from home and at 6'3" working at Ds1's desk in his bedroom was a sight to be seen. Ds1 was 6 and his desk was set for him.

So Dh has an office upstairs here, I am a long term SAHM with a disability hence him needing to work from home when I couldn't function. He had to be here to do school runs. Luckily his employer is fantastic about that kind of thing.

The children have a converted double garage and have two massive desks in there so everyone has their own space. It does feel strange having people here all the time, Dh will be working from home for a while. I just don't hoover outside his door when he is clearly on a call.

We have lunch together which is lovely, sit out in the garden in the sun and chat. I love it but it has been a change.

[quote KeyboardWorriers]@LaLaLandIsNoFun could you get a fold down desk or something to make working in the bedroom better ?

Agree once children are out of house he should be able to work downstairs if he hasn't got anywhere else suitable.i had a terrible back after working from bed In the first lockdown. I now have a tiny desk in the bedroom. The room feels cluttered but it is so much better

But my DH is in highly confidential civil service work and has been allowed into the office throughout ...[/quote]
I understand it is hard to imagine but honestly, there is no room. The upstairs is so so poorly designed both bedrooms have no space abd I can’t even get rid of the huge wardrobes in the main bedroom because the house is rented and they belong to the LL.

Our bedroom fits our bed, a chest of drawers and one bedside table. That’s all that can fit due to the layout.

Really hard work. We are in a small house with 2 toddlers. He’s working upstairs in our bedroom so I now can’t go upstairs during the day as the children will go in and disturb him. The house feels a lot smaller now we are restricted to downstairs. Not helped by all the groups we used to go to being still shut.

Really annoyingly he also comes down to ‘help’ when he hears them crying. Like bugger off I can handle it stop interfering!

I'm sort of in a similar position. I'm not entirely SAHM but my job is somewhat sporadic and seasonal. I've also got my youngest at home full time and another in school.

For various reasons my husband is permanently work from home now too. It's definitely hard and I don't think I've actually been in the house alone for well over a year now, and I'm someone who really values time alone 🤣🤣

I'm amazed at how much messier and dirtier the house is with him around, and the endless ENDLESS cups of tea that are left all over the house.

It does have positives too. Quite often I don't have to take youngest on the school run which is very handy and while my youngest naps I can pop out, either to see a client or nip to the shop for something which is quite freeing.

I guess there are always going to be pros and cons.

@Ginuwine

Hilarious lack of perspective from both OP and a few other posters on this thread.

It's been a pandemic. Everyone's had to adjust.

Would you rather have a situation where DHs rented office space (putting stresses on business finances) just so you can sit on the sofa more and not feel like you have to "match" their activity?

Do you have to work hard to be so rude and myopic or does it come naturally?

Trust me when I say you have zero idea how much ‘adjustment’ I have gone through these past few years.

Jog on.

This is going to become a real issue going forward I think. The assumption that companies can expect their employees to provide office accommodation, connectivity, heating etc. I realise in the OPs case her husband is self employed but as a general point. For instance, router goes kaput and can't get a new one delivered until tomorrow etc.

Just don’t go make him coffees etc! I’d ask my DH if his legs were broken if he asked me to, or just say no! We both WFH full time & I do all the cooking in the evening but the fuck I’m going to make his lunch for him!! And he’d never ask unless he really needed something (as would I) and then I’d be happy to do it because he doesn’t take advantage.

Honestly kills me how many relationships sound like they are from the 50s on here. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.