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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher crossed a line

205 replies

Batshitcrazy82 · 04/06/2021 11:37

My dd is in year 6 and she has recently started having counselling for complicated grief, originally over the phone but she had her 1st face to face session the day before the end of term, she missed a hour of school and just told her friends she had a appointment. On the last day of term she asked her teacher for a pen and her teacher replied in front of the whole class "no because when you left for your counselling session yesterday you left a lid off" my daughter is really upset as she doesn't want her private business broadcast to a class full of children. I feel this is a safeguarding issue a d have messaged the headteacher but have had no reply. Aibu to be so angry
Over this?

OP posts:
ChloeDecker · 04/06/2021 11:40

You have done the right thing contacting the school although not surprised you have not had anything back as it is half term.
You have every right to feel annoyed and hopefully, the school will do their best to fix this and help your daughter.

jackstini · 04/06/2021 11:42

YANBU, no
So sorry for your daughter - the teacher should absolutely not have said that
Hopefully it may have been forgotten over half term or there may be kids who are nicer to your daughter because of it. But - there may also be those that use it against her (depends on the kids in her class...) and it should definitely have been kept private

Headteacher is poss not in during the holidays, but I would expect a reply on Monday

(Ridiculous for teacher to say that over a pen lid anyway...)

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/06/2021 11:43

Yep, that’s not ok, counselling relies on confidentiality both in terms of what’s said in session but also in terms of whether someone is attending counselling. The teacher should have known not to mention it publicly.

I’m not sure it’s a safeguarding issue so much as a privacy one, which is just as important.

Topseyt · 04/06/2021 11:50

It is a privacy issue rather than a safeguarding one, but no less important for that.

The teacher has breached your DD's privacy with this remark, whether through utter carelessness or deliberately. They need to be reminded that it isn't acceptable.

snowcobra · 04/06/2021 11:52

Not okay at all, how terrible for your daughter.
Please do pursue this with the headteacher - hopefully the teacher will be more careful in the future, and apologise to your DD.

TheChiefJo · 04/06/2021 11:55

I'd be a bit angry. You've done the right thing contacting the HT. If you don't get a response, I'd consider the board of governors.

It might be a slip by teacher, who just needs reminding to be sensitive. On other hand, it could be a school wide safeguarding problem. Either way, you need an explanation and assurances.

MissPilly · 04/06/2021 11:55

That’s awful. You’re right to take it up with the school. I hope they respond positively and the teacher learns from it.

EncoreChangezLeNom · 04/06/2021 11:57

Not OK but clearly not a safeguarding issue.

NoMoreAngelDelight · 04/06/2021 11:59

Not a safeguarding matter at all, but the teacher was bang out of order.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/06/2021 12:00

Yeah I'd be very annoyed about that too

partyatthepalace · 04/06/2021 12:02

Quite right to contact HT.

jellybeansforbreakfast · 04/06/2021 12:07

@EncoreChangezLeNom

Not OK but clearly not a safeguarding issue.
I wouldn't be so sure of that.

Safeguarding and confidentialty are inextricably linked. There are all sorts of reasons that brooching confidentiality can be a safeguarding issue.

For the individual:
You can see the embarrassment.
Maybe the start of bullying or harrassment
Identifying DD as someone 'different', maybe the teacher will treat her differently in other ways too

For the school this could indicate a failing in their basic training, for this one person ro school wide.

Such errors can't be ignored, set aside as an individual's error. It has to be addressed and treated as important because nobody knows what such a slip could lead to. So we don't make such slips and accept correction when we do!

AlmostSummer21 · 04/06/2021 12:07

In addition talk through some replies Dd will be happy to make IF anyone says anything.

'Talking to someone about a problem is a sign of strength not weakness. Go mind your own business'

'So?'

Anything to portray that she's not bothered.

If they don't get a rise they'll soon move on.

You may be surprised too, often kids now are much more understanding/don't think it's a big deal etc

Zari29 · 04/06/2021 12:08

Teacher was way out of order. I would address this with the school. Your daughter shouldn't be feeling embarrassed about seeking counselling. Hope she is ok and her friends have been supportive.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/06/2021 12:09

This is not acceptable in any way,shape of form.

Hopefully the head will get back to you next week and a solution to move forward can be found.

Your poor DD.

MrMucker · 04/06/2021 12:22

Of course none of this would be under discussion if she'd had a pen.

cue multiple indignant reasons why that ought not to be relevant

roguetomato · 04/06/2021 12:27

Wait, so she's having a counselling session with class teacher during class time? How does that work?

LyndaSnellsSniff · 04/06/2021 12:27

The teacher was very careless and thoughtless. If it were me, i think I would have emailed the teacher in the first instance. If I wasn’t happy with the response I would then escalate the matter.

Does your school have a Home/School link worker? They would be a good person with whom to discuss your daughter’s situation and your concerns regarding her privacy.

I have a year 6 child and I don’t think he’d bat an eyelid at the word “counselling”. I don’t think he’d understand what it meant so wouldn’t think anything more of it.

roguetomato · 04/06/2021 12:29

Sorry I misread the OP. She left the lid off when she left the class to have a session.

SofiaMichelle · 04/06/2021 12:33

@MrMucker

Of course none of this would be under discussion if she'd had a pen.

cue multiple indignant reasons why that ought not to be relevant

Really?

The teacher could have still said "No" to borrowing the pen, even "No because you left the lid off the one you borrowed yesterday", without sharing the counselling bit, couldn't they.

It was completely unnecessary to mention the counselling and added absolutely nothing to the reasoning in the teacher's answer.

Can you not see that?

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 04/06/2021 12:34

@MrMucker

Of course none of this would be under discussion if she'd had a pen.

cue multiple indignant reasons why that ought not to be relevant

How on obnoxious. There's a thing called covid19 that's affected pretty much everywhere in the world. It's easily spread which means lots of schools don't allow children to bring in their own stationery from home. Even before that, many schools didn't allow children to bring stationery in from home. Hope you feel better for outing yourself as a complete arsehole though. OP, you've definitely done the right thing. Don't let them fob you off with this. The teacher telling the class your daughter's private information can't be undone but they need to know they've really cocked up. I hope your daughter is ok.
NewMum0305 · 04/06/2021 12:34

@MrMucker Glad you acknowledged the ridiculousness of that post to save anyone else the trouble

Lulu1919 · 04/06/2021 12:35

Invasion of privacy not safeguarding unless there's more to the story
I'd be contacting the person who deals with this ...can be different people ....at my school I'd talk to the head of Year .
It's not right she did that ...and over a pen lid !!!!
Tell your daughter nobody probably took any notice...and even if they did they will have forgotten by the time they are back in school ...and give her a hug from me .

MrsM2021 · 04/06/2021 12:41

I’m a primary teacher and I’m normally quite dubious about complaints about teachers on MN but honestly, that is absolutely appalling.

I wouldn’t dream of doing things like that to the children in my care because funnily enough, when I was in primary my DDad died and the school was told that I didn’t want my class to know or be told immediately as I wanted to be able to do it myself. I got sent with the register to the office and whilst I was gone my teacher told my whole class. I was devastated.

Point of this is - teachers do say and do things like this and you have every right to be furious. Keep chasing until there is a resolution - even if it means the member of staff thinks twice before making throw away comments like that over something trivial like pen.

Chloemol · 04/06/2021 13:20

@roguetomato

Re read the post