Teacher crossed a line

[Batshitcrazy82]

My dd is in year 6 and she has recently started having counselling for complicated grief, originally over the phone but she had her 1st face to face session the day before the end of term, she missed a hour of school and just told her friends she had a appointment. On the last day of term she asked her teacher for a pen and her teacher replied in front of the whole class "no because when you left for your counselling session yesterday you left a lid off" my daughter is really upset as she doesn't want her private business broadcast to a class full of children. I feel this is a safeguarding issue a d have messaged the headteacher but have had no reply. Aibu to be so angry
Over this?

Chloemol, and you too, for that matter, I've already apologised for misreading the post.

@MrMucker

Of course none of this would be under discussion if she'd had a pen.

cue multiple indignant reasons why that ought not to be relevant

Not ought not to be relevant, IS irrelevant. Children aren't supposed to bring things like pens into school currently.

@MrMucker

Of course none of this would be under discussion if she'd had a pen.

cue multiple indignant reasons why that ought not to be relevant

There's always fucking one.

I think swearing at me, calling me an arsehole, and generally reacting with venom to what is a logical point is not likely to impact on what I have said.
If the kid had her own pen it wouldn't have been said. This is true.
And yes, kids are meant to have their own pens at the minute more than ever. What kid has been told "no, don't bring in your own stuff, we have funds to give a new pen each lesson, each day and to each kid"?
The more subtle point, is the question of how parent knows for sure what has been said? It can only be what the child has reported, and if the child has been pulled up for not respecting the property she was lent the day before. It is quite imaginable that what she conveyed to parent was not necessarily the words used by teacher.
The outrage on here is just another teacher bash. Instead of going in all guns blazing, OP has the option of finding out what was said, rather than reacting to their assumption of what was said.

I don't think saying any of this makes me "an arsehole".

Please formally complain.

She violated your daughter's medical privacy AND demonstrated a clear lack of professionalism. And it sounds vindictive over a fucking pen! Completely inappropriate behaviour on teacher's part.

I've had similar in the past; teacher was disciplined for it and rightfully so.

@MrsM2021

I’m a primary teacher and I’m normally quite dubious about complaints about teachers on MN but honestly, that is absolutely appalling.

I wouldn’t dream of doing things like that to the children in my care because funnily enough, when I was in primary my DDad died and the school was told that I didn’t want my class to know or be told immediately as I wanted to be able to do it myself. I got sent with the register to the office and whilst I was gone my teacher told my whole class. I was devastated.

Point of this is - teachers do say and do things like this and you have every right to be furious. Keep chasing until there is a resolution - even if it means the member of staff thinks twice before making throw away comments like that over something trivial like pen.

Something similar happened to me as a child. When I returned to the class and found out that the teacher had told everyone, I immediately got back up and walked back out and went straight to the head teacher's office to complain about it. He got in a lot of trouble for it actually, and rightfully so.

Totally unacceptable. At my school the counsellor sends us a confidential email when a child has an appointment so we can register accordingly and part of the email is a reminder to keep it confidential. I would have a word definitely.

@MrMucker

I think swearing at me, calling me an arsehole, and generally reacting with venom to what is a logical point is not likely to impact on what I have said. If the kid had her own pen it wouldn't have been said. This is true. And yes, kids are meant to have their own pens at the minute more than ever. What kid has been told "no, don't bring in your own stuff, we have funds to give a new pen each lesson, each day and to each kid"? The more subtle point, is the question of how parent knows for sure what has been said? It can only be what the child has reported, and if the child has been pulled up for not respecting the property she was lent the day before. It is quite imaginable that what she conveyed to parent was not necessarily the words used by teacher. The outrage on here is just another teacher bash. Instead of going in all guns blazing, OP has the option of finding out what was said, rather than reacting to their assumption of what was said.

I don't think saying any of this makes me "an arsehole".

I beg to differ but that's the beauty of an internet forum. Do you actually work in a school? Do you know the covid risk assessments for each school? Why do you imagine that a new pen is used for each child, each lesson, each day? How odd. It's weird that you care more about a child 'not respecting' a pen than a teacher not respecting the child's right to confidentiality.

@TheyIsMyFamily I’m sorry it happened to you too 💐
I wish I’d have done the same in hindsight - well done!

@MrMucker

I think swearing at me, calling me an arsehole, and generally reacting with venom to what is a logical point is not likely to impact on what I have said. If the kid had her own pen it wouldn't have been said. This is true. And yes, kids are meant to have their own pens at the minute more than ever. What kid has been told "no, don't bring in your own stuff, we have funds to give a new pen each lesson, each day and to each kid"? The more subtle point, is the question of how parent knows for sure what has been said? It can only be what the child has reported, and if the child has been pulled up for not respecting the property she was lent the day before. It is quite imaginable that what she conveyed to parent was not necessarily the words used by teacher. The outrage on here is just another teacher bash. Instead of going in all guns blazing, OP has the option of finding out what was said, rather than reacting to their assumption of what was said.

I don't think saying any of this makes me "an arsehole".

I think you are for picking up on something irrelevant and then wanging on about it.

My kids aren’t allowed to take anything in bar their lunch. School have provided everything else right down to pens/pencils.

Op-I’d be furious.

I can't imagine how any teacher would want to be anything other than kind and gentle to a young girl who's suffering from grief to the extent she needs counselling. It's appalling behaviour.

If the kid had her own pen it wouldn't have been said. This is true.

If the teacher had acted according to her training and professional obligations it wouldn't have been said. This is more true. Because, @MrMucker, you have no means of knowing that the teacher wouldn't have found some other excuse to have a dig about counselling if that one wasn't available.

It really isn’t great but please accept that teachers are human and make mistakes, especially at the moment when we all feel like we’ve taught three years in one. Rather than going in all guns blazing, send an email or speak to the teacher and explain how you and your child are feeling. This would give the teacher chance to apologise to your child. If the teacher doesn’t seem to understand the issue, then go the head or governors. Would you be happy with an apology?

(Off topic but the children at our school bring in pens so they are they only ones handling them. Of course, they forget and I had to give out all my spare pens. It is really infuriating - even if it shouldn’t have led to personal information being included in the teacher’s rant about lack of stationery!)

@MrMucker

I think swearing at me, calling me an arsehole, and generally reacting with venom to what is a logical point is not likely to impact on what I have said. If the kid had her own pen it wouldn't have been said. This is true. And yes, kids are meant to have their own pens at the minute more than ever. What kid has been told "no, don't bring in your own stuff, we have funds to give a new pen each lesson, each day and to each kid"? The more subtle point, is the question of how parent knows for sure what has been said? It can only be what the child has reported, and if the child has been pulled up for not respecting the property she was lent the day before. It is quite imaginable that what she conveyed to parent was not necessarily the words used by teacher. The outrage on here is just another teacher bash. Instead of going in all guns blazing, OP has the option of finding out what was said, rather than reacting to their assumption of what was said.

I don't think saying any of this makes me "an arsehole".

You are mad. Have you actually been anywhere near a school recently? No, they're not supposed to take things in, my daughter's primary school have specifically said not to bring anything in, including pens etc.

You're playing the pointless devil's advocate game, you're not a white man by any chance are you? That tends to be their wheelhouse.

@roguetomato

Wait, so she's having a counselling session with class teacher during class time? How does that work?

No, re-read the OP.

It really isn’t great but please accept that teachers are human and make mistakes, especially at the moment when we all feel like we’ve taught three years in one.

I have a lot of sympathy for teachers this year, it’s been a hugely challenging year but she’s shared confidential information publicly. If the information about the counselling session came to her via email or other electronic means she’s also in breach of GDPR legislation, which has potentially serious implications for the school, local authority or academy trust depending on who their controls their data. It does need to be addressed with the SLT, who can check the understanding of confidentiality and data handling and may have a duty to inform the ICO. It’s not quite as simple as making a mistake given the potential consequences for the child and the school.

Have you actually been anywhere near a school recently? No, they're not supposed to take things in, my daughter's primary school have specifically said not to bring anything in, including pens etc

I collect a child from primary every day, a little younger than OP's. She takes in a bag with lunch, pencil case, book. All the children are coming out with the usual bags.

Your school's policy is not universal. It also doesn't seem sensible - having every child bring in their own means they will using their own stuff.

The teacher refusing to lend a pen is silly anyway - if you don't have a pen, you can't do the written work. Extremely petty and not professional.

It's not ideal that the teacher spoke about the private counselling appointment in front of others, but it's a mistake and definiitely not a safeguarding issue.

I'd have thought the word was fairly self explanatory, but so many parents throw it about without basic understanding. We don't say they've all 'crossed a line' for a lapse in judgement.

I had something similar when I was older (year 10) and leaving early once a fortnight for counselling sessions - teacher referenced it when talking to the class in a ‘right this is paired work, Emma, Lucy is off for her counselling at half past so you’ll need to join another table then’. I was mortified, no one in the class had been told. I didn’t say anything at the time, I wish now I had. By all rights the teacher should - at a bare minimum - apologise to your DD.

The teacher was clearly out of order. It may not be a safeguarding issue but it is definately a confidentiality issue. If this was said in the workplace there would definately be repercussions.

I was so prepared for another 'not my little darling' thread but in this case I'd be livid. How dare the teacher breach your childs confidentiality like that.
She wouldn't have done it to a colleague.
I would expect some positive action by the head on this or I would be taking it further.

You’re not a white man by any chance are you? That tends to be their wheelhouse.

What the heck does that mean? Translation please.

@TheyIsMyFamily

Please formally complain.

She violated your daughter's medical privacy AND demonstrated a clear lack of professionalism. And it sounds vindictive over a fucking pen! Completely inappropriate behaviour on teacher's part.

I've had similar in the past; teacher was disciplined for it and rightfully so.

This. Damn unprofessional, petty and pathetic from the teacher, and that's just the pen part of the incident, not the gross breach of privacy.

It might be a slip by teacher, who just needs reminding to be sensitive. On other hand, it could be a school wide safeguarding problem

It's not a safe guarding problem, whole school or otherwise.

It's a stupid slip up by the teacher. Didn't think. We've all done it.